Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

Are you sure this man is single OP? I ask because, the excuse is so lame it's laughable. It almost sounds like someone who has enjoyed flirting, agreed to meet up but either couldn't go through with it or never had any intention of doing so. A married or attached man, is more likely to back out of meeting up.

Of course, the excuse could be true. If it is, then he clearly doesn't hold your friendship in high regard at all. He sees it as disposable.

Yes, you're disappointed, that's perfectly natural. You liked him, and we're looking forward to coffee. Don't let this incident put you off men, they aren't all bad (regardless of what you may see on MN!). Put it down to experience, dust yourself down and be grateful he has shown you what he's like now, not 1 year or so down the line.

You deserve so much better than this. He probably got lucky last night.

You got lucky when he cancelled.

Im really sorry this has happened. I'm a guy and if I arranged a date / meet up with you there is no way I'd be sleeping outside or going to a party the night before. I think like everyone has said you have found out now what he is like and you've dodged a bullet.

This makes no sense. First, making an effort does not equal 'dolled up'. Second, this man didn't even show up, so how is he supposed to have been put off?

This is all on him, the flaky manchild.

Yes. Agree.
Chalk this one up to experience and move on.
X

Go to a place with lots of people, Like a river and boat trips or gardens. Smile look happy.
Maybe make a new friend, another single woman? Just a gossip about nothing.
Do not hide away in a cinema

I’m not sure what relevance your job has. People can be dicks regardless of that.

Get yourself in a nice bar, hopefully it’s busy where you are given the sunny weather and you never know a nice man may approach you.

Whats the old saying - best way to get over someone , is to get under them?

I doubt the woman had an evening dress on, for goodness sake. Don’t be so bitchy. Of course it’s completely reasonable to make an effort with your appearance to meet someone.

As many have said Op you are better off without this numptie.

Plenty of fish in the sea as they say but sometimes hard to catch.

Good luck you deserve better.

It’s a beautiful day, and you are looking fab-u-lous so go and find somewhere special to have a coffee or lunch. Sit in a park or go to a museum or gallery. And if anyone catches your eye smile at them 😇

You haven’t invested in him, you gave yourself the opportunity to see if he was interesting enough to include in your life. Clearly he isn’t, so thank heavens you haven’t wasted head space on him.

Very lucky! Swerved from that one for a reason

I'm sorry. Thats so rubbish. You've won though. Thank goodness you found out what he's like now rather than wasting any more time. You don't need a man who acts like a teenager in your life. And it's better to be single than investing your precious time in someone like that.

Lucky escape. He sounds dreadful.

That's what gets me as well.

He's PROUD of it! He thinks it makes him sound carefree and interesting.

Confirmation of your earlier statement. He is a total BE, a "spontaneous one"

OP I hope you have found something nice to do today, and enjoy being all dress up and looking nice and having a bit of free time. Not everyone is like this loser.

Please don’t feel silly! It’s absolutely not a case of you ‘over investing’ as someone said and more that a grown adult man has unexpectedly and very embarrassingly (for him) let you down. Who gets so wrecked they sleep outside at 39? That’s genuinely a little worrying. He made a clear arrangement to meet you and he let you down in a rather pathetic way. Personally I would block and not waste a minute more time on him.

I hope you at least got to enjoy a coffee!

My god what a lucky escape go and buy yourself a nice glass of something and some nibbles and thank the heavens this utter cockwomble showed his colours early. Slept outside FFS what a loser.

It's such a shame that this happened especially after the messages going well. He clearly didn't think about this date when he was at the party last night, he didn't have to go home at 7pm but he knew he was meeting you this morning so could have ensured he was in a fit state.

What do you like to do ? After your iced drink do the things that make you happy inside, I see about 80% of mn are saying to go read a book which is the answer to everything on here, if reading is your happy thing then yes go buy a book and have a good read in a corner somewhere or you could stay out and enjoy wherever you do be it food, drinks etc you're looking great hold your head up and have a great day and don't entertain your man again.

Sorry you’re disappointed OP. Entirely his loss. He sounds an idiot. Even if he had slept outside 🚩 red flag for a grown man, he wouldn’t of woke up at 10:24. Dodged a bullet but can completely understand feeling dejected. Dust yourself off though. Bet you look amazing if if you don’t feel it. Go treat yourself and make the most of a wee bit you time. Block the idiot and have a chillax tonight too.

I agree that there is a possibility he 'got lucky' at the party last night. Maybe he didn't - he just 'slept outside'. Either way, he wasn't as invested in your brunch as you were.

Also, what 39 year old sleeps outside because they went to a party?

I don't think you should beat yourself up for looking forward to it and taking time to look nice. As you say, it was your first one-on-one encounter with a man for a while so well done for being brave enough to take the plunge!

Rather than let him put you off 'all men' - let him put you off 'flaky men'.

That way, lesson learned but future opportunities not sabotaged.

Enjoy the sunshine and do whatever makes you feel good today.

Why on earth are you feeling silly?
You got dressed up to go on a date, thats all
He is 40 year old waste of space, do not let men like this dictate your worth
Dont take on his shame, hand it back to him
Accept people for who they are and that this is no reflection on you
Block and be glad he showed you who he is early on
Good result I would say !

I’m feeling a bit better after a nice lunch and now home and watching my favourite series :) Going to catch up on some work to get ahead of myself a bit this week too.

One good thing that has come out of this is for the first time I think since having DD I have done my make up and outfit and feel like I look nice. Older, but more like I used to feel when I used to date. I feel quite happy about this so the make up routine investment has at least given me some of my old confidence back!

Thank you again for all the messages, they are so much appreciated

Aren’t you lucky to have found out now that he’s the kind of chaotic charmless waster who SLEEPS ON THE STREETS after a party. Ugh. A fully grown up man. Allegedly. Not showered, same clothes, not brushed his teeth when he wakes 🤮🤢🤮🤢. Just disgusting and revolting.

Did he show signs of having a drink problem OP (as well as his obvious others)?. You certainly would not want to introduce this creature into your DDs life.

As PPs have said, you need to move from online quickly into a meet IRL, it’s too easy and effortless to get hot n heavy virtually… unless you are after a virtual diversion for a few months. Chalk this lucky escape up to experience- block, onwards and upwards!

He slept outside after a party? If he was 20 then I might have let it pass, but at almost 40 that would give be massive ick. He’s not date worthy material, and definitely not worth your time dressing up for.

This was my online dating journey too. Once my DC got older online dating showed me that at least other people were interested in dating me and I could build up my confidence by getting dressed up. I met my now DH at the gym but the online experience gave me so much confidence and taught me what I did and didn't want.

Trash took itself out.