AIBU to want a relationship but feel it is impossible to tolerate a man? Anyone else?

[Yrepw]

I truly dislike them. Of course there’s one or two I hold in high esteem but even they are entitled in a way that most women are not.

I used to love the idea of marriage and even being a stay at home parent, the idea of being a team with a man and building a relationship. I’m now in my forties and quite literally every man I have been involved with has caused me some pain in some way. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But truly, the way I have been treated by men even at the best of times has often been filled with stress, being patronised, being let down. I know people will read this and think ‘well choose a better man’ but honestly these men were some of the ‘good ones.’

I would love to have a marriage but can’t face a man in my life. Sadly I’m not a lesbian. Has anyone else reached this point?!

No but if I did I’d make peace with the inevitability of my situation and try to lead a good and interesting life without a man or whatever else it was that made me unhappy.

If I wasn't with DP, I really don't think I would seek another relationship.

Are you SURE you aren’t a lesbian? Give it a try? 😆

I am 55. I have been divorced 16 years. My XH was an arse. I have 2 DD who I love dearly. But this isn't the life I imagined or wanted. I have had a few short lived relationships since but seriously they are all just lacking. I wont get married again and cant see me ever sharing my life with one. I wouldn't do it again. Both my DD are fiercely independent and can't really be bothered with men (long term). Can't say I blame them. The time that women " had to get married and have babies " is long past. Male loneliness epidemic my arse. Its just women have got wise to them and dont need them. My elder DD is talking about freezing her eggs so she can have babies if and when she is ready....with or without a man.

then dont have a relationship? It’s that simple, I haven’t had in 10 years, never really get women that say they hate men but want a relationship with one? Also dont think people in relationships can really comment as you have no idea how you would feel if you suddenly became single

I felt exactly like that and then 6 years ago, in my late 30s, I met my DP. He’s the kindest, loveliest man ever, and there’s literally nothing about him I don’t like after being with him this long. So I’d say don’t give up all hope, good men are out there but sadly they are very few and far between.

Get yourself a vibrator.

But to add to that if anything happened to DP I would resign myself to being single forever, I couldn’t possibly be that lucky twice! I had to kiss a LOT of frogs before I found him, and I have no desire to go through that again.

You don’t sound suitable for a relationship. I’d give up and accept the single life.

My experience in that world over the last 40 years or so suggests there probably won't be a lot of luck there, either. Most of the complaints I see here about men, I recognise from the women I've been with. I found that precisely one of them didn't fit that bill, so the result of my study could reasonably be described as "the difference in asshole incidence between men and women is statistically insignificant".

I have a ‘friend’ who is all over dating sites and has dated countless men. She doesn’t have a good word to say about any of them. Every man she meets is toxic. My daughter recently described her as ‘she hates men but she keeps looking for them’

You are not being unreasonable @Yrepw but why the reluctance?

You now know exactly what you want and have complete agency on how you'd like the relationship to develop.

You hold all the cards and that's a fab position to be in, don't you think?

I spent twenty years in an abusive (with a really nothing special) relationship and then I met a trans-man and love every inch of him.

I think now is the time to explore your sexuality. I agree with giving lesbianism a shot and see where it goes.

I wouldn’t either.

You hold all the cards and that's a fab position to be in, don't you think?

I love this from @Arregaithel . The poll results are also really interesting. At the moment 3 out of 4 women agree with you.

If you can find an arms length man I recommend it. Living apart together is the common name for it. You never need to actually be with a man in the sense of giving up your independence or sharing your home. But still have your person, sex, all that. And if they do not treat you well, moving on is not complicated (not to suggest it is emotionally easy).

You can have a relationship and not live together, each maintaining their own home and personal space. Many thrive on that.

I dunno. It's usually a red flag to me when somebody hates all of a particular group, whether it's women/black people/working class people/etc.

I am happily settled but wouldn’t be bothered starting again if we broke up.
There are too many horror stories, online dating is brutal. Concentrate on having fun.
You know what you want and don’t want.

Completely agree.It's definitely something to do with getting beyond the lust stage of life.

Of all my friends who are now divorced from their wives or have remained single they can't imagine being in a committed relationship with a woman and i completely agree with them.
If for some reason my wife was no longer around there's no way I'd have the patience to tolerate another woman.

Fair play OP, no need to put up with bullshit you don't want to

Why not try being with a woman? May as well. But I will add, theres not a single human of either sex who will never cause you pain, in some way.

I agree with you OP. The older I get the less I like men. I’m 42.

It is very empowering to embrace and fully accept singledom.

I've been single for 11 years after a 12 year relationship and kids. I have friends who tell me I should get out and meet someone. I'm happy on my own! Also, I see/hear so many issues from people in relationships.
On a recent holiday I saw endless couples bickering etc. I know this is a small proportion but still enough to put me off exploring my options!

I had various friends in their 50s who haven't sought out relationships in the conventional sense. One was widowed quite young and lives with a female friend of a similar age. Neither is looking for a relationship and they live like older housemates. It suits them both. Another friend had a bruising divorce, met a man who had been through similar. They are in an exclusive relationship but don't live together, they maintain their own homes.

can't imagine being in a committed relationship with a woman and i completely agree with them.

Yet you’re presumably in one? Would you rather you weren’t?