AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

[Battyasacat]

My husband has been invited to one of his employees wedding, she has worked at his company for 20 years. The invite just has his name on the envelope and there is no name inside just a printed card. He replied online but it seems like it is just for him.It’s all day
We have been married for 40 years and would have never done this despite being on a low budget at the time.
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You hope he doesn’t go? Why?

She might have limited space. You and DH are not attached at the hip.

It’s a bit entitled to expect an invitation.

But you're not fine with not being invited are you, considering you've started a thread on MN about the fact you "find it strange" your'e not invited.

It's a work thing, so he's going with and socialising with work colleagues. Maybe he could find out if you could turn up to the evening part, seeing you only vaguely know her. (Well maybe not, bad suggestion! I'm aware evening invitations can invoke a similar level of upset for some people.)

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what you dud for your wedding, whether it was 40 years ago or one. This wedding is this wedding. Also if you did go, you'd know no one just your husband but he'd know several people, would that suit you?

Did he decline by the way? You said he replied but you also said he'd find it strange to go to a church wedding without you.

I would be delighted. Unless I know the couple well it is a long and boring day. Especially if I am the plus one.

It's completely normal to not invite you, especially when it's a colleague situation and she likely doesn't know you. Your husband will know other colleagues there surely.

He doesn't have to go if he can't cope without you for one day. If I were you I would enjoy having a day to myself and catch up with friends or do something my husband doesn't enjoy

Do you know the person who is getting married? Some people draw the line at people they’ve never met at their wedding.

Ive been invited to weddings on this basis.
I went, it was great.

It is definitely quite common in my world and the same has happened to me (oh not invited).

I thought it was strange I was invited in the first place. We were great colleagues but not friends enough for me to consider going away for two days, 5 hours away without my oh, all of it costings me quite a bit.

A couple of colleagues went.

I think with colleagues it’s pretty normal to invite just them without a partner. Sit them together at reception. I’ve always clubbed together with colleagues just to buy one decent gift from all of us in this situation,

No, weddings celebrate one couple - the couple getting married. They don't celebrate all other couples invited, or coupledom generally - far from it. (That's actually a horrible concept, unless you specifically want to make your single friends feel unwelcome.)

There are plenty of situations in which only one half of a couple is invited. Colleagues are the most obvious, but really it's any situation in which you barely know your friend's partner AND there will be many other guests your friend knows.

When I got married there were a couple of friends I've known for a decade through a specific interest. I've met one of their spouses once, briefly, and the other not at all. It would have been odd to have suddenly invited them.

The first couple from our big social group of 20-something clubbers got married around 26/27 - I don't recall any of our partners at the time being invited, because none of us had long-term partners at that point. Boyfriends and girlfriends were all casual/short-term.

Perhaps she’s planning a work mates table at the wedding and doesn’t have space for them all to have partners. I don’t think it’s that strange if that’s the case

I think it's completely fine to invite work colleagues to a wedding without plus ones, they are a group of people who know oneanother through work, unless you are very friendly outside of work and socialise with husband and wives, you don't usually get to know people's other halves, even working with people donkeys years. My husband worked with the same people for 10+ years, locally, I only met 1 of his work colleagues when she dropped off his leaving presents as he'd gone straight out from work on his last day and didn't take the car, I knew a lot about all of them but I wouldnt expect to be invited to their wedding. I was invited to one of their 40ths but I declined as it was work friends I had never met and a faff to organise babysitters to attend a gathering where I had never met anyone! I'd fine it very awkward attending someone's wedding I didn't actually know personally or consider a friend.

Now I think about it I did the same at my wedding I invited 6 people from work all day, I did offer people a plus one for the night but they all declined. I had met their other halves maybe once ever and our wedding was £90 a head 10 years ago, you have to draw the line somewhere.

Its pretty standard where you know a large group of people without their partners. I've been to work weddings, choir wedding, uni group weddings without DH.

I find this strange! Do you have to do everything together? It’s a work colleague, she’s invited another work colleague, nothing to do with partners. I don’t understand the problem.

I’d say this is fine, there is a cost element and a numbers element to consider, I’d not expect to go to someone I barely knows wedding jist because my partner was, she’s invited him simply due to tbe work connection.

Well then he needs to turn down the invite.

Weddings are so expensive these days. Inviting an extra is not just a case of ordering a few more sausage rolls for the buffet. It also changes the vibe amongst the guests.

I do have to add that the first time my daughter went to a work wedding without her partner of several years I felt it was awkward but then I realized that he had not been left out. It is how some weddings are planned these days.

I didn’t invite work colleague’s partners to our wedding 26 years ago - they were evening guests but still came to the ceremony as well (they were all friends - about 6 of them - and went to the pub inbetween). I don’t think it’s odd if there’s a ‘crowd’ - would be weird if it was just him.

While I can see your perspective as a wife, I don’t think it’s strange at all. If five guests genuinely know the couple, that’s five people they actually want there. Give each of those guests a plus one, and suddenly you’ve added five complete strangers. Weddings should be about celebrating with the people closest to you, and having lots of people you’ve never met can completely change the atmosphere. It’s not about being unfriendly; it’s about wanting your wedding to feel personal rather than like a room full of people you’ll probably never speak to again.

Very odd for a day guest invitation.

We invited a whole load of our work colleagues to the evening part only, but closer friends at work who were with us for the whole day were invited with their husband/wife, a plus one (one brought her older daughter as single) and their children.

It actually sounds more acceptable when people invite work colleagues or hobby friends without plus one’s. These people all know each other so they can all be put on a table and keep each other company. I won’t bat an eyelid if DH has been invited to something like this, infact I’ll love to not have to plan what to wear, childcare, etc for a wedding of someone I don’t know personally.

Yes, if my husband was invited to a wedding of a colleague or direct line, I’d expect him to go out of politeness, id be annoyed if he didn’t, and I would be horrified if he said he couldn’t as he couldn’t go without his wife, and I’d have absolutely no desire to go, why would I, so I’d much prefer not to be invited.

and vice Versa if it was me invited. They will put the work colleagues on a table together, inviting spouses who the couple barely know and who don’t even really know each other is bizzare.

I don’t think it’s weird. Weddings are expensive! The colleagues will all sit together. I’d only give someone a plus one to the day if they didn’t know anyone.
If it was just an invitation to the evening, I’d invite the spouse, as this is considerably cheaper.

It's weird to exclude a person's established partner.

Weddings are boring, he can go alone if he wants to and you can have a nice day to yourself.

I think a table of colleagues is perfectly normal.
I wouldn’t want a person I didn’t know (ie a plus 1) at a wedding
i would definitely go if I were him and wanted to

I've been invited to employee weddings without DH. I can't say I've ever given it much thought tbh - I just assume that budget is limited and they want to prioritise people that they actually know. I guess your DH doesn't have to attend if he isn't comfortable going without you?

It really isn't.