AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

[Battyasacat]

My husband has been invited to one of his employees wedding, she has worked at his company for 20 years. The invite just has his name on the envelope and there is no name inside just a printed card. He replied online but it seems like it is just for him.It’s all day
We have been married for 40 years and would have never done this despite being on a low budget at the time.
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Thank you all , obviously things have changed . Thank you all for your responses.

FGS. There’s always one that tries to turn a very normal act into suspicion. Why?!

I've been to colleagues weddings without my DH. It's fairly standard I think. We all just sat together. I doubt my DH would have wanted to come even if he was invited.

OP did he reply online to ATTEND or to NOT ATTEND?

This could be their way is saying 'please do not attend' without seeming rude.

I don't think it's weird at all. Why would you even want to go to a wedding of someone you don't know?

Then he can politely decline, You’ve mentioned a few times that you think it’s particularly strange you’ve not been invited because it’s a church wedding, but you’ve not explained why having a church wedding makes it so strange that you’ve not been invited.

Weird or not, its going to be pretty dull.(unless he has a vibrant and exciting workforce and even then, with the boss there?) Its bad enough going to a wedding when you only know the bride or groom, but at least as a couple you have each to talk to. If you just know your work mates, its just another day in the office just in nicer clothes. Do you think shes invited him out of a sense of obligation(my dp tried to get me to invite some absolute randos for that reason) She might be relieved if he declined gracefully.

Weddings are hideously expensive now, I have been to a few as an invited colleague without DH and it didn’t bother either of us at all. Who wants to pay £100 per guest maybe more for someone they don’t know and can’t get to know as it’s their wedding day.

Etiquette changes, I have been with DH almost 30 years so am maybe a similar age to you and understand this is not a huge breach of etiquette. I see you added you are American maybe it’s that? The US is a much more socially conservative country. have been to three American weddings in my life, all had a free bar for the entire event. I saw one person who was very drunk, and she had lost her job the previous week. If those had been free all day bars at British weddings there would have been a fair few drunk, different cultural norms.

I would be surprised if you weren't actually invited. The name on the envelope is just to get the invitation to the right person.. it's weird the invitations don't have names on them, but it seems like a bit of a modern lazy thing. I would assume you were both invited.

If he doesn't feel he can ask her directly, then he can maybe ask around what other others are doing?!

I am baffled at the poll result and think it's odd. My adult DC - young millennials - think it's fine. I still think 4 out of 5 on Mumsnet saying YABU is a high result on the poll though!

My DC go to weddings sometimes without their partners/husbands. I mean not often, but it does happen. People trying to keep the numbers down exclude partners. In my generation it never happens/has never happened, but apparently it's a thing now. My husband would never go without me. I am more likely to go to a wedding without him. I am much more confident than him.

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You can’t ask.

If he doesn’t want to go without you then he can decline the invitation.

Perhaps the employee would prefer to have, say, 6 colleagues attend instead of 3 with unknown plus ones. And that is fine.

I never understand this on MN. If an invitation doesn’t meet with the invitee’s approval for whatever reason, they have the option to decline it. Particularly a wedding. Yet so many people advocate speaking to the B&G to see if exceptions can be made or whatever.

Back in the day when it cost £6 per person for a buffet you could invite whoever you wanted. These days when people are spending £100+ per guest they have to be more selective.

That's not strange, the bride only knows him, not you. I think it's normal for a colleagues wedding. he doesn't have to go.

I think it's fairly standard to invite just friends from work if you're inviting a group of them.

I don't think it's normal at all to invite your older boss who owns the company and not his wife

Thanks all , I can see from replies that it’s how things are done now.

I think this is now par for course with work weddings. Weddings are expensive, and the couple should be able to invite people they know, like and want to have at their wedding. Married/partnered couples shouldn't be considered a package deal for all contexts. Personally, I wouldn't want to spend a precious weekend day when I could be doing yoga, baking something etc going to a wedding of someone I don't know and making small talk.

My friend's daughter who got married last year invited her old boss and the boss's second in command to her wedding. (They are mid 50s and mid 40s in age.) (She had left the company after 3-4 years a couple of months earlier.) Neither one had their wives invited. I don't think anyone cared.

Not necessarily. As others have said, it’s definitely very normal for a group of work colleagues to be invited without partners.

I work in a team of about 15. I’d be happy for them all to attend my wedding, we get on well and have worked together for a long time. I would not invite their spouses (regardless of how long they’ve been together) as it would firstly double the number of work colleagues invitees and secondly I’ve never met a single one of them.

As others have said, I think a group of colleagues is a definite exception to the rule of long term partners being plus ones, as all the work people know each other and will therefore sit together etc

Not strange. They don’t know you nhes a work colleague not a friend. Don’t overthink it.

Why not @Ansells?
It’s another perspective.
I have read numerous threads on Mumsnet about affairs at work and spouses being blindsided.
In my own life too, friends’ husbands have had affairs with colleagues.
Personally I can’t imagine inviting my long standing boss to my wedding and not inviting his spouse of 40 years.
And neither can the OP.
He’s not just a colleague, he is her employer.
The bride might hope that employer’s wife would refuse said invitation so it would be all work mates together at a table, but at least give her the polite option.

It is weird op.

Of course you invite spouses to weddings. Just the night do and only space for 10 colleagues? Fine. The main do though, no.

If you know someone well enough to invite to the main ceremony you invite their dp. Just basic social etiquette.

Yes. Maybe in the US it’s more likely you have a plus one as standard… I was given a plus one for a US wedding and they’d never met my then partner.

but please don’t see it as a slight that you’re not invited when it’s a colleague’s wedding. I think it’s just a numbers thing and limiting it to people they know or who actually ‘needs’ a plus one. I.e. work colleagues know each other and are happy to sit together xx

This. A big group of us were invited to a colleagues evening do. The males of the group all brought their partners, the females didn't. We all had a great time, while the "couples" just socialised with each other. Any time the men came over to their female colleagues, there'd be daggers from the insecure wives. I think it's more about not trusting a partner in a social setting with colleagues rather than because they want to commemorate the happy day of someone they don't know.

I am from a culture that has big weddings. We had 600 at my wedding and I invited 12 colleagues. They were all seated at the one table. I physically couldn't throw in an extra table for their partners too as we were at venue capacity. Yet one of the attendees still asked me if his wife and kids could come as "they wanted to experience a wedding" from my culture. I felt awful but I had to say no

Same. Each person is an individual as well as a couple and if the bride wants to invite people she works with why should she feel compelled to invite people she doesn’t know. A wedding some distance away where you don’t know anyone sounds awful. Find something else to do that day.

In RL, the poll result would be normal but on MN people see it as a personal affront if they or their children are not invited to every wedding.