AIBU to find it strange that husband is invited to wedding without me

[Battyasacat]

My husband has been invited to one of his employees wedding, she has worked at his company for 20 years. The invite just has his name on the envelope and there is no name inside just a printed card. He replied online but it seems like it is just for him.It’s all day
We have been married for 40 years and would have never done this despite being on a low budget at the time.
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he can just not go. You are not entitled to two sets of dinner and drinks at the wedding of a couple you have never met, and he might well never see again after the employment relationship ends. She was probably being as polite as she could afford to be, he can politely decline. It’s not invalidating your marriage for goodness sake. It’s just an invite.

I think this is okay for colleagues as they probably already stretched their budget to invite some of them. Unless you all hang out together I wouldn't think much of it. Also your DH could ask her if he gets a plus one or not, no big deal.

In that case, why didn't he politely decline?

The old, it's an invitation, not a summon seems apt.

It sounds like she invited her boss as a courtesy rather than because they are friends. Just because you could fit in the church, doesn't mean you would fit in the reception. Or that she can afford almost strangers to be there.

It seems to be happening now but it is not standard. I’m pushing 60 and DH and I have attended a good few weddings of work colleagues over thirty plus years - often evening do only - and not once has the invite just been for one of us.

I invited several colleagues to my wedding although it was just the evening do and they came as a group no partners.

Maybe he should broaden his mind. It’s not that big a deal.

This sounds like a “duty invite” made out of courtesy but with the hope/expectation it will be declined.

Yet, many people don’t want to spend time outside of work fulfilling social obligations to coworkers and without their family.

🤣🤣🤣 if you can't afford to host people courteously, invite fewer people.

so -“if you can’t afford the party I think you should have, and invite who I think you should, you can’t have it!!!”
really?

I have been to three work weddings in the last two years and none of them have included a plus one. There are 10 of us as guests so I appreciate that would make it 20 people. If it’s a full day wedding then i understand it. Two of them were evening invites only so I found it strange. Weddings celebrate couples so it’s odd to do it without your other half. I’m in a mixed department too so not like “oh it’s just a girls night”.

How many times have you met her? I think it’s fine if a person is on a low budget and only knows one of the partners well and the other barely

Budgets and space are tight. Sounds as though you barely know her and vice versa. Why shouldn’t she invite who she actually wants?

Yes I agree. If I was inviting a colleague when numbers and money were a factor then I’d only invite the actual colleague (or boss in this case) that I knew and worked with. Why would I invite their partner who I didn’t know over adding another colleague or neighbour that I did know.🤷🏻‍♀️wedding etiquette has changed over the years the younger generation have different attitudes towards things now.

Rude. Especially when its married couple. If you cant afford both then just invite both to evening reception

I don't think it's remotely strange. Weddings are really expensive and most couples can't afford to invite people they don't know. I've been to two colleagues' weddings without DH. Why would he want to go to the wedding of someone he doesn't know? I sat with my other colleagues and had a good time.

I've also been to another wedding where the couple were on a tight budget and they didn't invite plus ones where the friendship was specifically with one member of the couple. At lot of those attending without their partner were school and uni friends who knew other people there and it wasn't a big deal.

Decline the invitation then. A polite thank you for the invitation but I won't be able to attend. Is this the first time an employee has ever gotten married?

Sounds completely normal to me for something like a group of work colleagues or even something like a group of uni friends who all know each other!

Is he going? He could decline and then it is not an issue

That makes your husband odd, not the situation. Not inviting partners of work colleagues is completely normal.

I’ve been to 3 colleagues’ weddings without DH. It’s to do with cost. Weddings are expensive. It is quite normal that you are not invited. I wouldn’t expect to bring (or be) a plus 1 in the circumstances you describe.

So have you actually spoke to him about it? Just because he's the boss, he doesn't have to go.

Putting myself in your shoes, this wouldn't bother me. Like you, we've been married 40 years, husband is now past retirement age but still running his own company. I also don't really know his employees, although I've met them all briefly. If my husband said he'd been invited to the wedding of one of them, on his own, honestly I'd be relieved I wasn't invited.

We have our own interests and friends (as well as mutual ones), so doing things separately is not unusual for us - maybe that's the difference? Or, like you say, maybe you being from a different culture, the concept of a couple not both being invited to a church wedding is weird. Will your husband go?

This is one of those things that I only see as considered odd on MN. Perfectly normal in my world, particularly if it’s a work colleague. I went to a work colleague’s wedding recently and about 15 of us from work were invited. I wouldn’t expect her to invite 15 extra guests who the bride and groom don’t know at great expense to attend.

Personally I think it’s fine even if it’s not just colleagues but friends, don’t understand the need for unknown partners to be invited. Weddings celebrate the marrying couple’s relationship, not everyone else’s and weddings are so expensive

She probably doesn’t want him to go, no one really wants their boss at their wedding.
Decline gracefully.

A wedding's about becoming a couple, you should at least pretend to celebrate your guests' partnerships on the day!

It's a celebration of the partnership of the marrying couple, not the guests! I always find this argument so weird, elevating coupled up guests above anyone else there - so single guests are second class/shouldn't be prioritized?