To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Sounds like you want to be the cool house that teens can do as they please. And they know it. Otherwise it never would have happened .

So why is the age of consent 16 if 15 year olds can give consent

No it would be sex with a minor
Assuming they are around the same age the police wouldnt prosecute as the law is there to protect children from being groomed by adults not to punish two similarly aged teens from having consensual sex.

Rubbish.

Unless she forced or coerced him or in in any way consent was compromised

How would you feel if it got round that you are the mum who allows and supports this type of thing?

I'd give the girl ownership of the decision. Tell her that she has to tell her parents herself, otherwise you will have to, you have no choice.

Honestly OP if I found out later that someone had tried to be buddies with my DD by keeping this secret I would be beyond furious.

You are not this girl's friend. You are the mother of her friend. I think they have all breached your trust (I'd be bloody furious about the strange male wandering about the house and my younger DD being afraid too.)

To protect children from being groomed by adults.

Is this the case, OP? If you are really honest with yourself?

Its not rubbish im pointing out they if both teens are under 16 they are both technically guilty of having sex with a minor
Nothing would hapoen of course assuming both consented

You 100 per cent have to tell them. But I am slightly unable to think about that because I am too busy thinking about how on earth I would handle my own DD being complicit in all this. I would be beyond fuming. Regardless of the sex it is just an absolutely enormous breach of trust.

The police are not goung to prosecute two reenagers of a similar age for having consensual sex its not in the public interest.

And indeed is in the guidance within the 2003 Sexual Offences Act. Within the law there is a difference between the treatment of sex under 13, and 13 to 15 year olds.
(however I do think the activity of smuggling the Bf in needs reporting to the parents)

I agree that the parents of all the girls involved need to know. They all did the wrong thing and if they as a group have regular sleepovers but rotate around each others houses, I as a parent would want to know so I make sure it didn’t happen at my house.

Having said that @foreverornever i don’t think you were neglectful or allowed this to happen as some other posters are saying. I can absolutely see how it could happen with teens as no parent supervises a group of teens constantly. But this group have now made it clear that they need a lot more supervision and do not deserve to have a high level of trust in them and all their parents need to know that. This time it may have been a boyfriend and may have been consensual but it may not be next time.

I hope you intend to punish your own DD. That is incredibly disrespectful to you as her parents and to her younger siblings.

Agree. I would be furious with my DD for her part in this. It is so disrespectful and has put the OP in a very difficult situation, particularly if the police get involved.

No way would I tell them. The girl is 15y11m and the boy is 16y2m. They are extremely close in age and it was consensual. Nothing morally wrong has taken place here, aside from deceiving you. Technically it’s against the law, for a few days at least.

What if the girl’s parents are like the parents of the 17yo British girl who slept with an 18yo British boy in Dubai. The girl’s family got themselves safely home and reported the boy to the police. (The age must be 18 in Dubai). The boy was chucked in a Dubai jail and not too long after he got back to the UK he ended up dead in a car accident.

I wouldn’t breach your DD’s trust and I wouldn’t contribute to a 16y2m boy potentially being reported to the police for having a totally consensual experience with a GF 3 months younger.

I’m surprised at the attitudes on this thread. Sticking to the letter of the law over 2 teens 3 months apart in age. If this girl was 4 weeks older and got involved with a 29yo - a serious power imbalance, “the law” would have nothing to say about it, and presumably neither would all the mumsnetters on this thread. Weird.

I think you do also need to tell the parents of all the girls present that a boy was snuck in to your home.

Whilst you don't need to tell them that X and X had sex, you do need to say you are aware that they girls had worked together to sneak a boy into your home.

All the girls have worked together to allow this to happen so their parents do need to be aware. I'm guessing none of the girls left early/ asked to call home/ came down to find you/ inform you it was actively happening? The sheer cheek of it and actively lying to a friend's parent is something that as a parent I would be discipling my daughter for even if she wasn't the one with the boyfriend. I would 100% want to know if my DD was part of a group of girls sneaking someone else into someone house and I would be on it like a tonne of bricks.

It's highly likely at least 1 of the group was uncomfortable with it but was swept up in it all. The parents of all girls need to know so they can have conversations around what has happened to ensure there isn't a repeat of this incident at someone else's house.

For all you know, this could have also happened at "penny/ Susan and Jane's" houses. There could also be sneaky sex happening in parks/ fields/ alleyways when they are out and about. Many years ago I had a "friend" (let's call her susan) who was the girl who sneaked her boyfriend around in order to have sex with her boyfriend. She was a very dominant personality and would arrange to see her friends at their house but also invite her boyfriend along to the friends house (if she knew the parent was a light touch and would allow the bf to stay and hang out), she would then sneak off and do sexual things with said bf whilst ignoring the friend. She too used to try and do this if there was a group sleepover and would pressure everyone to lie/ help her. If she knew the parent of the friend would not allow the bf entry or tell her mum boyfriend was there, she would arrange to see him and have sex in a field/ alleyway on the way to friends house. My mum was not a light touch, she would allow bf to come to the house but always inform her parent as soon as he arrived she would phone her mum. Her mum always came to collect her so she avoided all meetups at my house. My mum also told my other friends mums what "Susan" did, they then also started to either allow bf to stop but sat in the same room or next door (one friends mum had a downstairs only policy) or would inform "susan's" mum that bf was there.

All this pearl clutching. They would have found a field or a toilet eventually to do it in. At least it was in a bed. When I think what we all got up to at a similar age.

They're both almost at the age of consent.

OP, I'd personally just leave it and let them all get on with their own lives. They'll be 16 very soon and it will not be anyone else's business.

Why are parents so involved these days. I'm going to wait to be shot down now... but we all survived, somehow!

I was just waiting for some ‘cool’ mum to say this 🙄 That’s up to the police on a case by case basis. The FACT is that’s it’s an offence, no matter whist the liberals on here like to say. And we don’t know whether it was even consensual or rape. It’s for the girl’s parents to decide whether to report it to the police and for the police to decide whether to investigate. Not for anyone on MN to decide.

Why would OP be asking her question on here if that were the case?

You are really minimising this OP, and I wouldn't be letting your DD have any more sleepovers for some considerable time given how she's breached your trust. You're in a horrid position here but you have to tell the girls parents... all of them.

@foreverornever if all the teens were on the top floor.. how did Mr LoverLover run into your youngest? And where?
how old is she? I’d freak out if I ran into an unknown male in my house at night

So how old is your younger child who was scared ?

Jesus Christ. “Almost at the age of consent” Therefore NOT at the age of consent. You’re literally condoning a sexual offence.

By the way we weren’t ‘all’ doing these things at that age. Just because you were - but plenty of us had a bit more self-respect and were better brought up.

I think you need to tell the girl to speak with her mother before you do. And hope she gets to her first

You’re right if they want to do it they’ll find some way and some where. With the best will in the will world you’ll never stop teens having sex, however The fact that they had sex is not the only point a strange boy was sneaked into the house