To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

@HairsprayBabe "I am more than happy to insult you "

OK fine. I've nothing else to say.

@littlebowpeepscrook thank god for that

I totally agree, but in the eyes of the law it's illegal

That’s the post I was responding to.

@Dersie It might be illegal but that is pretty much irrelevant, CPS have no interest in prosecuting two teens having consensual sex.

The law is not there to stop teenagers from having sex with each other it is to stop adults abusing them and when you say "oh but its illegal" it just shows while you understand the letter of the law you do not understand the spirit of it.

I think you’ve made a very good point about passing on the girl’s intimate information.

Omg stop with posting incorrect information, its painful to read

All the posters repeatedly saying ‘but it’s illegal’ - is there really anyone on Mumsnet who can honestly say that they’ve never broken the law in any way? Somehow I suspect not.

@Growlybear83 THIS omg!!

The Licensing Act 1872: it is an offense to be drunk in a licensed public place...

I hope no one has ever been drunk in a pub, bar or club before ( and yes this has never been repealed)

Exactly
I drank alcohol before i was 18 and smoked a cigarette before i was 16
Was it sensible ? NO
But nobody was trying to march me down ti the police station

We arnt talking about that we are talking whether by law the OP should inform this person's family, and what they can do if OP doesnt
Can you get with the script please.

If that was my daughter and I found out you’d covered it up I’d be absolutely fucking raging. I’m not anti teens having sex as long as they’re safe. I lost my virginity at 15 and don’t regret it at all, he was my boyfriend and we were safe, didn’t feel pressured or anything - I could be open with my mum about it which really helped.

But if you cover this up then you’re opening up a whole massive can of worms and it’s simply not worth it for you.

If my DD had sex at a friend’s house and I wasn’t aware she was sexually active I would ask myself a. Why she had chosen to conceal it from me and b. Why she had specifically begged OP not to tell me.

Adults don’t have the automatic right to information and if we want to know that kind of thing the onus is on us to develop the trust and respect to ensure feel they can confide in us.

You might also consider how you would feel if you had not had a mother you could be open with.

I like to think my kids would tell me or at least feel comfortable to do it in my house and I definitely think there’s wider issues with this kid but realistically OP is putting herself in a very risky position if she conceals this.

Unless it’s a risk of abuse from the child’s parents I just think she needs to tell. This kid is saying she was safe but there’s no way to verify it, she could be pregnant, the boys parents could find out and tell - there’s too many ways the kids parents could find out.

Yes i could never have talked to my mother about sex
I didnt lose my virginty untill i was 18 and sorted my own contraception out

The Op has told the girls parents now everythings fine

I didn't tell my parents when I lost my virginity, it wasn't a big coverup I had a long term boyfriend at the time that they were well aware of. I just didn't feel the need to. Some things are private (even for teenagers)

Agree with PP if OP didn't know this girls background it may put her in more danger to talk to the other parents about it. However as we know the Op has told the girls parents now and everything seems to be fine thankfully.

All the teens have behaved poorly, the sneaking and "conspiracy" for lack of a better word, the sex in someone else's house is bad, but not because they are underaged.

It’s a new one for me too. 😝