Page 4 | To not tell her parents?

foreverornever · 2026-08-05T17:45:25+00:00

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together. Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents. I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night. If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents. WIBU to not tell them?

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:16

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:13

He is 16 by 2 months.

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He has committed a criminal offence. Her parents have an absolute right to know so that they have the option of reporting it to the police. That’s not your call to make. You cannot be complicit in covering up a sexual offence that has occurred in your home while you were present.

Schmojoe · Yesterday 20:17

You would be V unreasonable not to tell them. Of course the girl's parents should know. If their contraception goes wrong and she gets pregnant, who will end up supporting her and maybe a baby too? It won’t be you.

Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 20:17

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:16

He has committed a criminal offence. Her parents have an absolute right to know so that they have the option of reporting it to the police. That’s not your call to make. You cannot be complicit in covering up a sexual offence that has occurred in your home while you were present.

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Yep , that just about covers it 👍

Its a hard conversation to have OP, but you do have to have it

Original poster

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:19

Bellaboo01 · Yesterday 19:00

She isnt 'basically 16' - she is 15!
How did this happen on your watch?
I have a 15 year old and there would be no way that a guy would be in my house with any the children.

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Obviously boys are not allowed to stay overnight. Dd had friends round who stay often and who I did trust. They snuck him in while Dh and I were sat in the garden, I don’t check on teenagers every 10 minutes and do give them some privacy. DD’s room is on the top floor, I did go up and say goodnight but he was obviously hidden then.

OP posts:

ZenNudist · Yesterday 20:19

LejlaKapovic · Yesterday 19:58

She was in YOUR house, you were responsible for her. How the HELL did these girls manage to sneak a boy in, and one of them sleeping with him, without you knowing about it? Whete were you?!?! They're not adults, they don't get to pull stunts like this and get away with it like it's nothing.

On top of all your lack of supervision, you're seriously contemplating on not telling the girl's parents about her outrageous, disrespectful behaviour? Parent of the Year, you're definitely not. I hope no parent ever trusts you or your daughter with their child again. If you are this nonchalant, no wonder your kid does stupid things like this. She learnt from the best...

Seriously, I'm having a hard time grasping the level of recklessness and lack of care from the girls, but mostly from you, as the parent that's supposed to be sensible. Tell the girl's parents, they have a right to know about their minor daughter's dangerous behaviour. What if this boy had raped her, or any of the other girls? Drugged them? Stabbed them?

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Massive overreaction but I do think you need to tell the parents. Is it too late now to sort out morning after pill?

It would be easy for my DS (same age) to sneak someone in who wants to remain hidden but they could very easily be found out too as i check in on them randomly.

But I don't have a big house.

He frequently does invite friends I didn't invite without asking. I walk in a room, and "so and so coming over" has morphed into 4 boys. Then I can't really flip and tell them to leave though I did recently turf his best mate out who snuck in after 10pm.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · Yesterday 20:19

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:16

He has committed a criminal offence. Her parents have an absolute right to know so that they have the option of reporting it to the police. That’s not your call to make. You cannot be complicit in covering up a sexual offence that has occurred in your home while you were present.

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This. I’m not a lawyer, but I would think that by keeping it a secret (especially as the adult in charge of safeguarding all of your guests), you are complicit/an accessory.

Sunflower1650 · Yesterday 20:19

She isn’t “basically 16”. She’s 15. A child. And this happened under your roof when you were the responsible adult while she stopped over.

You absolutely need to tell her parents. This is a big deal.

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 20:21

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:19

Obviously boys are not allowed to stay overnight. Dd had friends round who stay often and who I did trust. They snuck him in while Dh and I were sat in the garden, I don’t check on teenagers every 10 minutes and do give them some privacy. DD’s room is on the top floor, I did go up and say goodnight but he was obviously hidden then.

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so they had sex in your dd room with all the other girls present? @foreverornever

Original poster

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:22

Nousernameideaaga · Yesterday 20:14

Do you agree with posters who say this because it’s in the best interest of the child? Or because it’s the easiest option for you?

Be honest with yourself ……

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I think it’s in the best interest of the child who I do know and have spoken to.
I was a 15 year old girl and have raised two older step daughter as well as having my own 15 year old dd.

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Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:22

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:12

Ok, I see I’ve seriously misjudged this situation and will talk to them in that case.

I agree with posters who have said that just telling them he sneaked in and leaving them to talk to their daughter about the details is preferable.

You’re still not getting it, are you? The girl has TOLD you she had sex with him. It is a criminal offence to have sex with someone under 16. Therefore you know a sexual offence has been committed and it’s your duty to report that to her parents and let them take it from there. For all you know, it was rape.

You need to tell her parents EXACTLY what she has told you so that they can investigate. Get a bloody grip and be a responsible adult! It will all come out in the end and you’ll have a serious problem when they find out you were being economical with the truth.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · Yesterday 20:22

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:22

You’re still not getting it, are you? The girl has TOLD you she had sex with him. It is a criminal offence to have sex with someone under 16. Therefore you know a sexual offence has been committed and it’s your duty to report that to her parents and let them take it from there. For all you know, it was rape.

You need to tell her parents EXACTLY what she has told you so that they can investigate. Get a bloody grip and be a responsible adult! It will all come out in the end and you’ll have a serious problem when they find out you were being economical with the truth.

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This

OutAndAbouting · Yesterday 20:24

Two2TooAlsoToToward · Yesterday 20:22

This

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This This

Hankunamatata · Yesterday 20:24

So they had sex infront of the other girls in the room?????

Pleasedontdoitagain · Yesterday 20:24

thisandthats · Yesterday 19:42

On a general note I am a bit surprised by the pearl clutching on this thread. All my friends and I were doing similar at this age - none of us paid any attention to the law saying we had to be 16 if we felt ready. I'm not saying not to tell the parents - I agree the OP should for legal as well as moral reasons - but also recognizing that this feels like relatively normal teenage behaviour. Put it this way, if I discovered my teenager had slept with their partner in a consensual, respectful manner a month before they were 16 I wouldn't be horrified. Sneaking them in somewhere would be far more of a problem.

There is no pearl clutching for heavens sake!
Just because you had sex as a child doesn't make it right.

Sassylovesbooks · Yesterday 20:25

Yes, you do need to tell the parents that your daughter and her friends snuck their daughter's boyfriend in, without your knowledge. You only found out when your younger daughter saw the boyfriend and became scared.

I would leave the information at that. It's down to the girl's parents to talk to their daughter about the motives behind sneaking in her boyfriend.

Personally, I think you have a duty to inform all the parents of the girls who stayed, about what happened. It's far better you tell them, than they hear it via someone else because one of the girls told someone else, who told their Mum etc.

All the girls need to have the riot act read to them. Sneaking a boy into someone else's house is so overstepping boundaries. Your daughter needs a stern talking too and a punishment for allowing/encouraging it.

Let's hope that the girl and her boyfriend did use contraception, and properly.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · Yesterday 20:25

Two2TooAlsoToToward · Yesterday 20:22

This

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Well as he was over the age of consent and she wasn’t doesn’t that automatically count as statatory rape

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 20:27

Yes, you do need to tell the parents that your daughter and her friends snuck their daughter's boyfriend in, without your knowledge. You only found out when your younger daughter saw the boyfriend and became scared.

totally forgot about the younger dd seeing him in the house! What will you do @foreverornever when she tells other people about the scary boy at night? How did she see him? Will you hush her up and tell her to keep a secret?

Original poster

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:28

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 20:21

so they had sex in your dd room with all the other girls present? @foreverornever

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No, there’s a spare bedroom on the same floor.

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x2boys · Yesterday 20:29

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:00

How in god’s name did this happen in your home, under your (supposed) supervision? It is a criminal offence to have sex with a 15 year old, so stop with the claptrap about her being 16 in a month. BTW, because you clearly don’t have a clue what went on, you actually have no idea whether she consented or whether she was SA in your home.

How did the boy get in? Through the door, or through a window? Did you leave the girls so completely unsupervised all evening that you didn’t find a strange boy in your home? Where did they have sex? In front of other minors, in which case another sexual offence has been committed. Or somewhere else in your home, where again, you were completely oblivious to what was going on? And what about your other DC who did see him and were scared? He could have harmed one of them for all you know. You neglected your own children and all the other children present. Honestly the whole scenario beggars belief.

Appalling parenting from you - were you completely drunk to let all that go on under your nose?

You need to phone her parents right now and tell them what happened. I assure you - if I was in their shoes and found out later from someone else, I’d be on your doorstep, shouting blue murder. I’d also be reporting you to the police and SS for allowing underage sex to occur in your home, and exposing other children to it.

Edited

If the boy is also 15 the girl is also commiting a criminal offence

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 20:29

foreverornever · Yesterday 20:28

No, there’s a spare bedroom on the same floor.

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Ah lovely used sex fluid sheets for the next guest

HettyMeg · Yesterday 20:30

Unfortunately it doesn't matter that she's basically almost 16, because she isn't 16. So she's underage. So yes you need to tell them

ALovelyPinkUnicorn · Yesterday 20:30

x2boys · Yesterday 20:29

If the boy is also 15 the girl is also commiting a criminal offence

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He’s 16

Puzzledandpissedoff · Yesterday 20:30

Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents

Why on earth would you place a child's pleading above the obvious need to tell her parents about this?

As for "Dd had friends round who stay often and who I did trust", sadly it's obvious you can't trust them any more, nor DD come to that, so in light of their choices I'd forget the "privacy" and keep a very close watch on their messaging to each other

CrypticClueless · Yesterday 20:30

Mermaidmusing · Yesterday 20:16

He has committed a criminal offence. Her parents have an absolute right to know so that they have the option of reporting it to the police. That’s not your call to make. You cannot be complicit in covering up a sexual offence that has occurred in your home while you were present.

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No, he hasn't, not if the sex (if any) was fully consensual. 15 year olds are considered able to consent, and between teens of similar age it is not an offence per se and the law would not seek to prosecute unless there was vulnerability that compromised consent (e.g SEND, MH vulnerability, alcohol) or lack of consent (Sexual Offences Act 2003).

Anyone under 13 is not considered to be able to give consent and it would always be an offence.

Mooselander · Yesterday 20:32

You have absolutely seriously misjudged the situation and my children would never be entering your house again.

You were responsible for them and you let them all down.