To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Past, not 'passed'.

See, people make mistakes.

Thats just the point though she’s 15 so not old enough to “shag about”

Agree with this. Because after all you don't know for sure what happened do you, unless you were in the room whilst it was happening. Might be a bit of Chinese whispers. I mean, probably not, but enough reasonable doubt to tell the parents and let them do the inquisition with their own kid.

Of course you need to tell her. I cannot fathom any reason why you don’t believe you should?

Yeah the parents have to be told, whether that's by you or their DD with you there, they absolutely have to know. I expect they will be pissed off at you that you "let" this happen, I'm not accusing you, I've no idea if you took your eye off the ball or not and I know how sneaky teens can be but definitely be prepared for some anger coming your way

I think I’d be concerned if someone managed to enter my property at night without me noticing!

Maybe they live in a massive mansion and it was the other wing.

I would be so annoyed at my own dd for this. Allowing a stranger into the house when younger children are around.

I would be speaking with this girl’s parents. It’s up to you if you explain they had sex but I would say they snuck her boyfriend into the house. The parents may ask you how you didn’t notice though, so be prepared for that.

I agree with PPs. You need to tell her parents. Something along the lines of you have been made aware that DD and her friends have snuck a boy into your house last night. If you know the name of the boy then say, DD and her friends have snuck "Dave" into the house last night. I have punished DD about this but making you aware too.

Let the parents do the investigating in regards to the sex and the boyfriend. It is up to them how they deal with the sex and boyfriend situation.

Was it a group of teen girls at the sleepover? If so it's highly unlikely to stay secret anyway, (especially if they are on chat apps like WhatsApp and they will discuss it on there and someone's parent will be reading the chat threads) so the parents will find out and wonder why you didn't say anything. I would rather you say something than hide it. At least I would know that if my DD went to your house I would hear about any behaviour that occured.

I have to say, I would be absolutely mortified if my DD snuck a boyfriend into someone else's house and I would 100% want to know. There would be some severe punishment happening here, not just because of the sex element but the entire cheek of sneaking someone into someone else's house.

You're not one of the girls to keep secrets FFS. You're supposed to be the adult and you've already failed once by letting this happen. Be responsible for Christ's sake.

I think you have to tell the parents, you don’t have to mention the sex , they’ll be able to work that out themselves.
imagine if the parents find out from someone else!

On a general note I am a bit surprised by the pearl clutching on this thread. All my friends and I were doing similar at this age - none of us paid any attention to the law saying we had to be 16 if we felt ready. I'm not saying not to tell the parents - I agree the OP should for legal as well as moral reasons - but also recognizing that this feels like relatively normal teenage behaviour. Put it this way, if I discovered my teenager had slept with their partner in a consensual, respectful manner a month before they were 16 I wouldn't be horrified. Sneaking them in somewhere would be far more of a problem.

Maybe your house is huge but aren't you worried about people being let into your house without your knowledge...? And even more so while you're responsible for a group of kids that other parents are trusting you with?

What would've happened if the "boyfriend" had been some dodgy man she'd met the previous weekend?! (Just saying that because I had a friend like that when I was at school...)

Slow clap to you with the pearl clutching remarks…. Always directed at women for not being down with it… 🙄

If both are 16 I wouldn’t mention it. But I’d tell your daughter this friend can’t stay over again because they both broke your trust and also it scared your other daughter.

Oh I'm sorry. Some of our parents actually cared about us so we weren't doing such things at 15 years old, you see.

@thisandthats i don’t think it’s the teenager sex that’s the issue, it’s having a unknown male in the house ( without permission) especially with younger children present, that would really piss me off.

Wonder what other laws you can be too cool for?

Oh for goodness sake, the issue is that they snuck an unknown boy (although we've not been told how hold he is) into a house of 15 year old girls and at least one younger sibling. They have lied and they are asking OP to lie. If they were 18 and sneaking in a stranger, I would be just as outraged (if I were the OP).

Of course you should and also face up to how irresponsible you are to have allowed this to happen.

When someone else in the house arranges for them to enter it’s not that hard to imagine. With my living room door closed we can’t see the front door. DC says they are letting friend X in, boy sneaks in quietly with friend X

This is exactly what I’d do.

Bloody hell! It’s not hard at all to see how this could happen @Fieldday26 is absolutely right. This is teenagers being teenagers and unless you actually sit in the same room as them 24/7, it’s impossible to police everything they do.
That said, you do need to tell the parents and I’d be bloody furious with DD.

I'd tell the parents and let them know the morning after pill is required.

Happened under your roof, you need to tell them.