To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

She was in YOUR house, you were responsible for her. How the HELL did these girls manage to sneak a boy in, and one of them sleeping with him, without you knowing about it? Whete were you?!?! They're not adults, they don't get to pull stunts like this and get away with it like it's nothing.

On top of all your lack of supervision, you're seriously contemplating on not telling the girl's parents about her outrageous, disrespectful behaviour? Parent of the Year, you're definitely not. I hope no parent ever trusts you or your daughter with their child again. If you are this nonchalant, no wonder your kid does stupid things like this. She learnt from the best...

Seriously, I'm having a hard time grasping the level of recklessness and lack of care from the girls, but mostly from you, as the parent that's supposed to be sensible. Tell the girl's parents, they have a right to know about their minor daughter's dangerous behaviour. What if this boy had raped her, or any of the other girls? Drugged them? Stabbed them?

How in god’s name did this happen in your home, under your (supposed) supervision? It is a criminal offence to have sex with a 15 year old, so stop with the claptrap about her being 16 in a month. BTW, because you clearly don’t have a clue what went on, you actually have no idea whether she consented or whether she was SA in your home.

How did the boy get in? Through the door, or through a window? Did you leave the girls so completely unsupervised all evening that you didn’t find a strange boy in your home? Where did they have sex? In front of other minors, in which case another sexual offence has been committed. Or somewhere else in your home, where again, you were completely oblivious to what was going on? And what about your other DC who did see him and were scared? He could have harmed one of them for all you know. You neglected your own children and all the other children present. Honestly the whole scenario beggars belief.

Appalling parenting from you - were you completely drunk to let all that go on under your nose?

You need to phone her parents right now and tell them what happened. I assure you - if I was in their shoes and found out later from someone else, I’d be on your doorstep, shouting blue murder. I’d also be reporting you to the police and SS for allowing underage sex to occur in your home, and exposing other children to it.

Did none of you ever watch "Hider In The House?"

This is my feelings on it. You have to tell the parents that their daughter, your daughter and the friends snuck a boy in without your knowledge.

It‘s impressive how you understood what I was saying anyway. Imagine thinking proofreading was the same as having a personality.

Oh gosh! All well and good then! 🥂

Someone else’s child had sex in your house with a boy you didn’t know was there and you don’t think you should tell her parents, but would want to know if it was your daughter?

baffling!

She is not "basically 16". She is 15. You need to tell her parents. I'm saddened that you even needed to ask this.

I think I’d let them know that he was there. Wouldn’t divulge exactly what has happened.

But op and other posters are like down with the kids.. cool mums!! 🥳

She is an underage minor. Who had sex under your care. You have a duty to tell.

Wowsers, I would be absolutely off the roof about this. And with your daughter for such a massive breach of trust. Helping him sneak in, not alerting you, basically allowing your home to be used as a knocking shop.

I would expect to be told. How that happens, I don't know.

I think the OP is getting a hard time here.
They’ve not given enough detail for us to know how this happened and in truth, it’s irrelevant as they are asking if they should tell the parents not for opinions on whether they should have known what’s going on.

My adult son doesn’t get home from work until midnight most nights and I’ll be asleep when he gets in, I don’t hear him anymore and sleep right through it. If he, or my other son, decided to sneak someone in, I wouldn’t know.

OP, you absolutely should tell her parents that she and friends snuck the boyfriend in, in fact I think all of the parents should know as they all need consequences from letting someone you don’t know into your home where you have at least one other child present who doesn’t know them. Then up to her parents to question her if they had sex or not

How did they manage to sneak someone else in? I mean, we are very trusting of our teens and have a fair sized house, but would struggle not to notice someone else getting in.

Of course you tell them. And be a bit more careful about who’s coming into your house.

If they want to have sex they will find a way.
This is absolutely not true, it's just some bullshit lazy parents who can't wait for their kids to turn legal so they can throw them out tell themselves. And parents that aren't interested in keeping taps on where the hell their kids go and with whom. It's like some of you are counting down till your kids turn 16-18 so you can absolve yourselves from responsibility.

In many cultures, parents not only manage to keep their kids in line throughout their teens, but they also convincingly raise them to believe sex outside marriage is wrong. Kids that "find a way" have careless parents that also "found a way" because of their careless parents.

You have an obligation to tell the parents.

Good luck 🤦‍♀️

Ok, I see I’ve seriously misjudged this situation and will talk to them in that case.

I agree with posters who have said that just telling them he sneaked in and leaving them to talk to their daughter about the details is preferable.

He is 16 by 2 months.

What’s more, ALL the parents of the other girls need to know. They may well not all have been complicit in, or comfortable with, what happened and some of them might be quite distressed by it. I know several 15 year old girls of family and friends who are still fairly innocent and would be appalled and unsettled by something like that happening at a sleepover. And mark my words, one of them will say something to their parents so you’d be wise to get ahead of it before you get your front door knocked down by a furious parent.

I 100% guarantee that some of the smug “how could you let this happen” parents on this thread have no idea what their own teens are getting up to!
Case in point, this other girls parents have zero clue currently that she spent the night with her boyfriend. Op is going to have to tell them and I’d bet my mortgage they’ll be stunned.

Do you agree with posters who say this because it’s in the best interest of the child? Or because it’s the easiest option for you?

Be honest with yourself ……

You had responsibility for all the children as the adult in the house (were you actually at home?). Of course you need to tell. You don’t want to precisely because you know you were responsible.

I think I would tell the parents that she sneaked her boyfriend into your house at night, but I don’t think it’s for you to tell them that she had sex. Whilst I realise she is under age, I think a very significant proportion of young people are having sex at 14 and 15; nothing is going to stop them and I would rather think of a 15 year old having sex in a friend’s safe bedroom than down an alleyway. I would also tell the parents, the friend, and your daughter that she isn’t welcome at your house again because she completely breached your trust by allowing a stranger to come into your house without your knowledge.

Someone who is over the age of consent has snuck into your house to have sex with someone who is under the age of consent.

I'm glad you're telling her parents now. Aside from anything else you could have landed yourself in big trouble.