To not tell her parents?

[foreverornever]

Dd(15) had some friends stay over last night, they all helped one of the friends (also 15 but turning 16 in a month) sneak her boyfriend in and they ended up sleeping together.

Dd is obviously in trouble for lying, younger dc saw teen boy in our house which scared them. Friend has apologised, has promised that they used protection and pleaded with me not to tell her parents.

I don’t know her parents well and she is basically 16 so I do feel like it’s something that she should get to tell them only if she wants to and not my place to do so but then obviously I was supposed to be responsible for her last night.

If it was my daughter I would probably want to know but I wouldn’t expect to be told in this situation by other parents.

WIBU to not tell them?

Definitely tell them he snuck in but not the details about sleeping together, that’s for them to question her about. Just in a neutral “thought I should let you know” kind of way.

I agree with that, leave it to her to give details to parents.

I understand your dilemma but, forever, I have a feeling that it will come out anyway, one of the other girls will talk about it and it will get back to the parents of the girl with the boyfriend which will put you in a worse position. As yiou say, you were trusted.

Some things you don't tell on, a sly cigarette, a drink, staying out later than agreed - but this is sex and the parents need to know their daughter is safe and being sensible, his parents need to know their son is too.

They won't get into terrible trouble, it will blow over.

All of this.

What a ridiculous statement. Instead of chastising the OP for 'allowing this to happen' which clearly she didn't, why not share your experiences of supervising 15/16 year old's. Did you stay in the room, did you stay awake all night outside the door? I know I don't. What more should she have done. At 15/16 there should be some trust earned and given. What these girls have done is breach this trust manifestly. The more sensible among you, whom I agree with, is to tell the parents the girls (collectively) snuck in one of the girls boyfriends, and let the parents of all those who were present question and deal with their child as the parents feel fit.

This, it’s like “well teens will want to get trollied so may as well give them open access to the drinks cabinet! Whats a bottle of Laphroig and Stoli?!

So in your social circles it wasn't normal to have a boyfriend until after you were 16? I did grow up in a city but it was absolutely the case that almost everyone was active before 16. Different time, not saying it was right, but we've all grown up to be respectable adults.

15 year olds have sex, and I do agree with you about it being her choice to tell her parents. I personally would tell them that she snuck her bf in last night. Your DD helped her and she will be punished. I don’t think I would tell them any more than that as that’s the issue here. She can have sex with who she wants, but she cannot sneak her bf in to someone’s house to do it.

Normal to have a boyfriend but not everyone shagging whenever they could to get cool points

@flot for the hundredth time, we DO NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS CONSENSUAL. The girl involved is a child - regardless of what she has said to the OP, it needs to be investigated.

I honestly cannot believe how many women (and presumably mothers) on here are downplaying a very serious situation that involves a sexual
offence and possibly even a sexual assault, on a CHILD. It beggars belief.

I’d encourage her to tell her parents before you do. Either way they need to find out but at least that way you’re allowing her to have some control.

I would be absolutely furious with my daughter though. She wouldn’t be allowed friends over again.

Honestly you’re deluded, the police don’t investigate teenagers having sex

Oh give over. I'm hardly proposing she waltzes in and hands them a bottle of lube and a vibrator. And I AM saying she should tell the other parents but because of the sneaking which is absolutely not OK. What I am surprised by is the absolute shock and horror that a 15 + 11 month old (so just about to go into year 11) would be sexually active at all. When that seems to me to be definitely not desirable but also within the boundaries of normal behaviour.

And I'm also being honest that a one month shortfall in age with a child of mine would not worry me much if everyone was consenting and respectful and safe and not snuck into someone's house.

Totally agree - boyfriends, yes. Sex - not necessarily.

Let's hope be only was 16 and not an adult! Your dd isn't too hot on honesty!

And that it was done and planned in earshot of all her friends at a sleepover 😬😬

Im not a cool mum just somone who isnt black and white in my thinking
The law is more nuanced than mumsnet
And assuming no coercion has tsken place why would the police waste time and effort to prosecute two prosecute when they are so close in sge
Who does it benefit ? No one

Then why are you using the misogynistic term of “pearl clutching” usually used to shut women up for not being ‘down with it’.

There has been no suggestion that it wasent consual other in the minds of posters .

Cool points? What about because we wanted to because we were young and horny? I know I was. I wasn't sexually active because I wanted to look cool, I was active because I fancied my boyfriend and I wanted to be. I am so glad that today we have so much more awareness of safeguarding and consent and emotional safety and all the rest. But it shouldn't come at the cost of always seeing teenage girls as passive victims and sex as something that is 'done to' them. Sex should be fun and enjoyable, and done the right way it is!

This is not a comment on the OP situation and to repeat my other comments, I do not condone sneaking boys into friends' houses. I also am talking about age appropriate contexts in fully consenting situations.

There are THREE months between them.

It would be pretty easy to do if there was a group of them and you weren’t watching their every move (and why would you be?).

You tell them so the parents have a chance to coordinate emergency contraception, I highly doubt they were properly protected…from pregnancy and all the other harms

Not everyone’s life experience can be applied universally to everyone else across different generations.

When I was at school in the early 2000s a lot of girls lost their virginity at 15.

Some of the reactions are honestly so bizarre talking about crimes being committed. If you go to the police and tell them your 15yo had sex with a 16yo they would do absolutely nothing. Those laws are to protect children from adults, not to criminalise teenagers who have sex with one another

Your other child/children were left very vulnerable, basically you had an unknown male in the house overnight.
Tell her parents and I wouldn't allow another sleep over.

Then why have you specifically stated.So in your social circles it wasn't normal to have a boyfriend until after you were 16?
so you were only “normal” if you were having sex if under 16?.