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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my bf wants me and the children to move in with him

203 replies

tiredbuttryin5 · 05/08/2026 11:46

my baby is nearly 7 months old now and i got back with his dad a couple of months ago we split during pregnancy because he didn’t care but he does now and he’s very involved he’s a good dad to my older children too better than their actual dads

i posted a lot last year when i was low and i took a long break because of the comments but things seem good right now and i am happy and the happiest ive been in a long time not because of my bf i dont think i think everything’s just fallen into place and my kids are happy and doing well the only thing is im struggling with my sons schoolin but that’s not the pint of my thread

we live in a flat that’s too small i know you’ll all ask why did you have more kids then but that’s not the point either im just saying for context

he has a flat but he’s found a rental house which is 3 beds but also a garden and the biggest tool could potentially be split im not sure if that’s allowed in a rental though

he wants me too move in with him and ive not had the best judgement with past partners my ex eldest childrens dad was abusive and i was homeless with 3 kids including a baby then my other childs dad is gone and never met him or maybe he did once i can’t remember

i just don’t know as this flat is council so im worried about giving it up but then i think about the exciting things like decorating and us having more space

OP posts:
jellyfish798 · 05/08/2026 11:49

Do not, under any circumstances, give up your council flat. Believe me, you do not give up that security for the wild west of the rental market.

Prioritise you and the kids. This guy sounds on shaky ground & needs to prove himself after his initial disinterest.
Look after yourself gal & build up your support network a bit. There's good support on this site too x

aliasfrog · 05/08/2026 11:49

I would say no
"he didn’t care but he does now" is a huge red flag and feels a very loaded statement, this man doesn't sound decent or right for you.
Build your life for yourself instead.

Also absolutely do NOT give up your council flat.

Can you just spend time at his house but still live separately, then you have the security of your own place if you need it.

MyIcyHeart · 05/08/2026 11:52

I wouldn't give up a council flat - assured tenancy? - for the latest 'Baby Daddy', especially when he has only been a constant for a couple of months.

Funchythesnowwoman · 05/08/2026 11:58

Do not under any circumstances give up a secure council tenancy to move in with your boyfriend (even if he is the father of your youngest child). Your other children have had so much to deal with in their lives already, abusive men being the worst. Do not add more upheaval to their childhood.

Bobbybobbins · 05/08/2026 11:58

Do not give up the security of your council flat. He needs to prove himself over a longer period of time.

BlueMum16 · 05/08/2026 11:59

No way. Keep you council flat.

Can you go on a list for somewhere bigger? I'm not sure how it works.

There's absolutely no rush to move in together. If he's still around in 18 months then think about him moving in with you.

Put your DC first

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/08/2026 12:00

So he left you to go through pregnancy on your own, and now wants you to move in with him? What has actually changed? Can he explain why he wasn’t interested and now is? What happens when he looses interest again? How do your older kids make sense of him dipping in and out of their lives? I’d want him to prove himself over a much longer term and be very hands on with his own child before I’d uproot all my kids for some bloke who changes his mind as the wind blows.

DPotter · 05/08/2026 12:02

If you split during your pregnancy and your baby is only 7 months old, how long have you been back together ? Not long I assume.

So there's 2 reasons not to move in together - you have a council flat AND you're only recently back together. The 3rd one is that you have other children, wheather or not their fathers are involved, it's very early days to either expect another person to be involved in their lives enough for them to live together.

I realise the thought of a larger house with a garden is very attractive but there's simply too many unknowns to give up your council flat and move in with someone so early on.

Stay in your flat, apply for a larger property and don't let him move in with you either. Tell him it's all too soon, with other children and a new baby, things need to settle down. If he's a decent man who really does care, he'll be disappointed but will understand and be patient.

BMW58 · 05/08/2026 12:02

DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR COUNCIL TENANCY

Your relationship with BF has been bad. It's all very well saying its great now but you'd be a fool not to be cautious.

By all means carry on seeing him but take much more time before considering moving forward.
Say a year - at least.

Are you on a Council list for rehousing as you are quite cramped?

Gazelda · 05/08/2026 12:03

You’ve got (5?) children they need consistency and stability. Especially if one of them is having difficulties at school.

hold fire for a bit. Don’t move. See what your housing options are with your council. Keep seeing BF and give it a lot more time to see if he’s going to stick around this time.

OriginalUsername2 · 05/08/2026 12:03

Wait it out. It’s easy to behave like a real man for 2 months, especially when you’re not living together. The fact he didn’t care about his own flesh and blood being born means he has a long way to go.

WallaceinAnderland · 05/08/2026 12:04

Stay in your council flat. Don't risk your children's housing security for the sake of a bit of decoration.

NerrSnerr · 05/08/2026 12:05

Nope. Do not do this. Within the last year you broke up because he didn’t care. What happens when that happens again?

Your main job is to provide stability to all your children and you cannot risk homelessness with then again.

Overthebow · 05/08/2026 12:06

Don’t move in with him. He left you when you were pregnant as he didn’t care. He’s not a good guy.

Pinkissmart · 05/08/2026 12:10

Revisit the idea in a year. If he’s still wonderful, he’ll be wonderful even if you live apart.
He did a really awful thing to you; you and your children deserve security.
If he has issues with this, it’s a red flag.
If his attention to the kids start to wane for any reason - even if he says you’ve made it too difficult, it’s a red flag.

It is HIS JOB to earn back your trust. It’s NOT your job to take a leap of faith.
One year. And if you still feel like you need more time, you can do that too.

cannynotsay · 05/08/2026 12:10

Please don’t do it, and often we tend to dealt relationship patterns, which I think you’re aware you have done here. I believe moving will be a mistake. Also I really wouldn’t give up the flat, it’s not worth the risk. Take a moment to think if he is love bombing you. After that wears off things will go back to how it was, you know it will as you have lived it before x

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/08/2026 12:12

Are you the poster with the oldest son in college and the younger ones who are autistic?
The one who was sleeping in the sitting room when pregnant?

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2026 12:13

No, don’t move. You owe your children the stability they deserve given all of the immense and traumatic upheaval they’ve endured. Stop chasing crap men for goodness sake. If the current one is going to step up consistently he can do that while you maintain the secure housing you’re fortunate to have.

camperjam · 05/08/2026 12:14

Nope, don't do it

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 05/08/2026 12:14

Never. NEVER give up a council property.

InterestedDad37 · 05/08/2026 12:17

Don't give up the security of a council flat.
While it may seem a relief to be partnered with someone who promises to have changed etc, from what you say of your past, I'd suggest perhaps not hooking up with a fella - it's harder to go it alone, but probably best for you and your children for the time being.

DaisyChain505 · 05/08/2026 12:17

@tiredbuttryin5 I remember your old threads. This man is a waste of space and just because you think he’s a better dad to your kids than their actual dads doesn’t mean he’s great it just means your bar is low. He is not a good father or step father. Also, no real man or good father disappears whilst their partner is pregnant. Just because things seem “good” right now doesn’t mean that’s how they’ll stay.

Stop bringing this man in and out of your children’s lives and get on with putting them first.

Do not give up your home and move in with this man. He knows how vulnerable you will be by doing this and will use it against you.

Please just focus on your children.

OnTheBoardwalk · 05/08/2026 12:18

Another one shouting DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR COUNCIL FLAT

how much is the rent at this new place? Can you afford it with him or more than likely on your own if he does a bunk again?

Funchythesnowwoman · 05/08/2026 12:22

And make sure your contraception is bomb proof. You don't need another child.

TheeNotoriousPIG · 05/08/2026 12:24

Do not give up your council flat, OP.

A leopard can't change its spots. People do not change, and cannot sustain any change, for very long. He might care now, but once the honeymoon phase wears off, it might not be forever. You realise that you do not have the best judgement with past partners, which is good. Keep that in mind.

Your council flat might feel too small, but you have stability for your children, you are their consistent adult, and that will be beneficial for all of them. You've said yourself: things seem good right now, and I am happy and the happiest I've been in a long time. Don't throw that away on your ex. Put yourself and your children first.