my bf wants me and the children to move in with him

[tiredbuttryin5]

my baby is nearly 7 months old now and i got back with his dad a couple of months ago we split during pregnancy because he didn’t care but he does now and he’s very involved he’s a good dad to my older children too better than their actual dads

i posted a lot last year when i was low and i took a long break because of the comments but things seem good right now and i am happy and the happiest ive been in a long time not because of my bf i dont think i think everything’s just fallen into place and my kids are happy and doing well the only thing is im struggling with my sons schoolin but that’s not the pint of my thread

we live in a flat that’s too small i know you’ll all ask why did you have more kids then but that’s not the point either im just saying for context

he has a flat but he’s found a rental house which is 3 beds but also a garden and the biggest tool could potentially be split im not sure if that’s allowed in a rental though

he wants me too move in with him and ive not had the best judgement with past partners my ex eldest childrens dad was abusive and i was homeless with 3 kids including a baby then my other childs dad is gone and never met him or maybe he did once i can’t remember

i just don’t know as this flat is council so im worried about giving it up but then i think about the exciting things like decorating and us having more space

Do not give up a council property
You need to do a swap with someone to get something bigger
Never give up security of council flat for a man and a rented house

And then if the relationship broke down, you'd be fucked.

Do the council know your son has autism
He is entitled to his own room
Make sure council know
Get on a swap list and try to swap with someone who wants to downsize

She is absolutely going to move in with him and will back on here in a few months wailing that he's dumped her and she and her kids are homeless again.

😡

You have only been back together with boyfriend for a couple of months. So 8 weeks! Far too early to be moving in together. Keep your council flat and the security it gives you. Make sure council know your son is autistic, presumably he has been officially diagnosed, and get the ECHP done asap. Prioritise your children.

I'm sure you've had 5 pages of people saying DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR COUNCIL FLAT already but I'm going to add to it. It appears to be the biggest source of definite security for you. It may be too small but they'll have to rehouse you eventually?

As for moving anyway, seems very soon to me given his previous behaviour towards you. Too much messing about for the kids if/when it all goes tits up. It is a massive risk and if you lose that council place you're at the mercy of ridiculous rent prices.

Stay put and focus on ypur kids and trying to get a house. Good luck!

How big is your flat and how many DC?

@tiredbuttryin5 If your son is autistic then he needs his own room. Does the council now? And he needs an ehcp NOW. You should have concentrated on that rather than useless men. Now he will start secondary with no support and that's on you. Why did you not contact the secondary Sendco? Make your children your priority and don't have unprotected sex. You can't even take care of the children you have and you keep having them. Seriously, birth control has been around for a while. Sorry if I come off rude but I feel sorry for your poor children-especially for your autistic son because I have one as well and I have done everything in order for him to have support and helping him. I only had 2 children because I knew that I could provide a good life for them; financially, emotionally and they each has their own room. I would have liked a third but that wouldn't have been fair to my 2 sons, especially as one is autistic and needs more than a nt child.

She doesn't listen to a word anyone says. People should really look back at her past threads if they're still on here.

I think she has 5 kids with around 3/4 different dads. Last time she was posting she didn't have a bed and there was nowhere to put the baby

You only got back together a couple of months ago.

Give it a year and if you’re still in a happy relationship with him, then move in together.

Do not give up your council flat or allow him to move in for 1 year.

Stay at each others places on weekends and perhaps set days during the week but do not give him a key or let him stay permanently.

He could easily be using you so he doesn’t have to pay as much rent etc.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me out of my HA flat, unless I came into enough money to buy a house outright.

My ex is sniffing about at the moment, why he thinks I'd be interested in him after he (silently) dumped me and left me on my own with a newborn I have no clue.

Better a small home than being homeless.

Gosh that is so sad. Honestly heartbreaking how much trauma some kids go through and how many will repeat this cycle.

Don't move him with your BF. There is no rush and it would be a very different dynamic he might find it too much all living under 1 roof.

Also even if your BF lived in a council I would still say do not move in with him.

Please go and do the course women’s aid or your other local domestic abuse charity runs!! You will learn soo much and also it will confirm if you are right to carry on with the boyfriend or more likely run a mile! People who have had abusive partners ALWAYS end up again again choosing another abusive one! Until you learn to stop the cycle and see the warning signs and take action and stop the relationships when you see some signs then nothing changes and your children are the main ones who suffer!!!

Is there any way you can shuffle rooms? Give the boys the bigger room and you use the box room to help stop the squabbles?

And no, again please don't give up your flat. The swap thing is a good idea. My (nice side) next door neighbour did that, downsized to our little terraced houses and she loves it. Less cleaning! So it does happen.

Also, please don't made rash choices. You asked for help because you feel like you have not had the best judgement in the past, so please take it on board? A fair few people on here would've been in your shoes or had a friend facing the same. Give you and your partner a few years before moving in. This is actually normal practice anyway! Moving in after 3 months of getting back together isn't sensible, and you guys are in the honeymoon period of getting back together where everything seems possible and it's all lovely dovey! Please wait.

I waited 4 years before I moved in with my fella, we were long distance and I had to give up so much to move 200 miles away. Nearly 20 years later, we are still together. Make sure you don't rush anything and if you are meant to be together, different postcodes won't change much for the time being.

Nope - do not give up your flat and your children's security and consistency. Especially for a man that has already let you down once before.

Don't do it! Small or not, your council tenancy is secure. A lot more secure than relying on a guy who's let you down before.

You need to think smart, not with your heart. Don’t give up your home for a man who hasn’t had the best track record. You’re on a back foot as a single mother, but better that than a homeless mother of a baby, and older children one with ASD. Good luck but honestly, be you and your children, don’t add a dynamic that hasn’t t been overly amazing, plus it’s too soon after the split/reconciliation

Your children need stability. If you break up again, where will you go? Do you have enough ready cash to easily secure your own housing quickly? Can you leave that cash set aside indefinitely? If the answer is no, you can’t move in together.

1. Don't ever give up a council property. It is secure for life.

2. Private rentals can kick you out if they want to sell, move in themself or let a relative live there.

3. Private rentals can increase the rent to market value (which is £££££).

4. You've been back with your boyfriend 4 months. FOUR months. Give it 2 years and see if you're still together.

5. What if your boyfriend kicks you out of the private rental? You and 3 children on the streets.

6. You can't decorate or alter a private rental. It belongs to one person who won't let you make changes.

You need to be sensible. A too small flat is better than the street.

Please take notice of what people are saying. You have secure housing, which is worth more to you and your children than any private rented places. Don't even think about giving it up.

Your focus should be on you and your children. What your part-time boyfriend wants is background noise.

And absolutely no judgement about how many children you have. They're here now and you do your best by them. But I don't think getting pregnant with bf now you're both in a bit of a loved up state would be wise. Take care

No no no do NOT give up the council flat! Never mind romantic dreams of you laughing together and dotting each other's noses with your paintbrushes. Keep the flat. You won't regret it.

"He didn't care but he does now."

Ffs.

You sound like you deserve better. As everyone else says, please don’t give up your council flat, you need a safe secure home, don’t give it up for a man who is neither safe nor secure