my bf wants me and the children to move in with him

[tiredbuttryin5]

my baby is nearly 7 months old now and i got back with his dad a couple of months ago we split during pregnancy because he didn’t care but he does now and he’s very involved he’s a good dad to my older children too better than their actual dads

i posted a lot last year when i was low and i took a long break because of the comments but things seem good right now and i am happy and the happiest ive been in a long time not because of my bf i dont think i think everything’s just fallen into place and my kids are happy and doing well the only thing is im struggling with my sons schoolin but that’s not the pint of my thread

we live in a flat that’s too small i know you’ll all ask why did you have more kids then but that’s not the point either im just saying for context

he has a flat but he’s found a rental house which is 3 beds but also a garden and the biggest tool could potentially be split im not sure if that’s allowed in a rental though

he wants me too move in with him and ive not had the best judgement with past partners my ex eldest childrens dad was abusive and i was homeless with 3 kids including a baby then my other childs dad is gone and never met him or maybe he did once i can’t remember

i just don’t know as this flat is council so im worried about giving it up but then i think about the exciting things like decorating and us having more space

Please don't give up a council.property OP. You'll probably not get another one if it goes tits up.

If things are going great now then what's the point of making any changes? Focus on getting moved yourself. Some people maybe wanting to downsize and will take a flat

Can you go on one of the Social Housing exchange sites?

I know it make take ages for a bigger place to come up on the council lists but you might be able to get a swap quicker?

I would not give up a council flat in your position. It is your only security - for you older Dc too.

The insecurity and extra expense of private rental would be a stress, The fact that you relied on your Bf to contribute to the cost could mean you being trapped - staying with him because you couldn't afford to split.

How is your current finance? Would you lose benefits etc by being part of a couple? If he is earning?

A 3 bed house doesn’t sound like it would be big enough anyway, from what you’ve written it sounds like you have at least 4 kids? I’d wait until you’re moved, someone doesn’t go from not caring to caring, he’ll soon go back to not caring.

Don’t give up council flat - get permission to sublet and say you’re also living there with lodger. Then move to his, keeping your flat.

I remember you, I can’t believe you’ve gotten back with him. Do not leave your council flat, start prioritising your existing children and for god’s sake, do not get pregnant again. You need to start making better decisions for the sake of your kids.

How big is your current flat, and how many children do you have, at what ages?

Listen to the advice, OP. I know having something exciting like the decorating etc is really enticing but security and your independence is worth far more.

Don't get sucked into the rose tinted glasses version of what you want, the reality has proven time and time again to you that it's never how it works out.
Be confident in yourself and don't give your all to him, you know him and what he's capable of. Keep your control and your home, don't give it away so easy and so soon.

Too much too soon OP. Prioritise your children. You have a secure home for them, keep it that way. The relationship sounds tenuous at best. A few months of good behaviour is not a reason to upend your childrens lives and expect them to live with a virtual stranger - especially when there have been issues with previous partners. Create a safe spae for them, let him visit but don't move in with him and do not move him into the house either.

Do NOT give up your council flat. This would be insane.

Make it work. You don’t need massive space if you are organised. Impose some discipline on the children.

And for heaven’s sake stop having more children.

Just stop making bad decisions. Stay in your current flat and don’t have any more children.

You can't sublet a council property, and no local authority is going to give you permission to rent out your home while you live elsewhere. It needs to be your only home and your permanent home. Do not add him to the tenancy whatever you do. Focus on stability for your DC OP.

Girl, please give your head a wobble. You've already gone through homelessness. Do not under any circumstances give up the roof over your kids heads for anyone. Especially not a man who has already let you down once. You've been good for a couple of months. It can all change again. Keep your home.

No, don’t do this, @tiredbuttryin5

Your children need stability, not chaos. You need to prioritise them over an on-off relationship with a man who probably isn’t good for you.

Don't give up your council flat. If things go wrong, you will have nothing.

Perhaps look for a swap instead to somewhere bigger. My DB has a bigger HA house than he needs and ive suggested he downsize, so there will be other people like that too.

You have to think what is best for your DCs

I'm not sure how it all works, but he's not just after a bigger house is he? And needs to move in with you to get one? You said he lives in a flat too.

Where to begin with this.
Firstly OP, do yourself a favour and go and get some bombproof contraception. If you genuinely cannot make a very simple, obvious life choice like prioritising the children you've already got by keeping your council tenancy, then I don't think you need to be bringing any more into the world.
I'm so tired of reading about parents who put their frivolous short-lived relationships over their children's wellbeing.
Do better.

Sorry to be so blunt, but come on.

Do not give up yours and your children’s security of your council flat for a man who only been back on the scene a few months!! He needs to do a lot lot more to prove he’s worthy of your affections and to uproot your children!!

Il say what I said on your last thread stop putting men ahead of your children

No, please do not give up your council flat for him. My sister gave up her lovely council house, to move in with her new boyfriend. After 5 years he has kicked her, and her son and their shared children out! She is currently renting and deeply regrets her decision. You don’t know what might happen in the future, I wouldn’t move unless we married and he/we bought a house for us to live in.

You can't decorate a private rental. You can decorate your council flat. only thing I could change in my place was the light shades and the white goods, we offered to buy better ones the landlord could keep if we moved. Nothing else.

You need to exchange or wait to be rehoused. Do not move out. You will end up homeless when this goes tits up. Sorry ❤️

Do not give up your secure home for the leopard you currently think has changed his spots. Write this out 100 times.

Leopards never ever change their spots. Believe me, I know.

We are all telling you the same thing. DONT!

Please don’t give up your flat, that would be a decision with dire consequences if things go bad. Not suggesting they will, but I’ve never known anyone to give up a council tenancy for love / to help family / new job in a different area, and say it was a good move with hindsight.

get on the swap list and keep applying, for the love of god do not make this decision with your heart. Baby is small enough to not need their own room just yet. This man left you when you were incredibly vulnerable, you can’t risk you and your children depending on him for housing.

April? As in April 2026? 3 months?
Absolutely fucking not. Give your kids stability and a secure home and stay in your Council flat.
No cock is worth messing your kids up for.

No, council flats are like gold dust, don't give it up. Stick yourself on a waiting list for a bigger property.
The dad is neither here or there when it comes to protecting your home and a house over your children's heads (your role as a mum is to protect them), don't put his wants in front of your children's security.. If you guys are into each other, it will work but time will tell over the next few years.

I wouldn’t either.