my bf wants me and the children to move in with him

[tiredbuttryin5]

my baby is nearly 7 months old now and i got back with his dad a couple of months ago we split during pregnancy because he didn’t care but he does now and he’s very involved he’s a good dad to my older children too better than their actual dads

i posted a lot last year when i was low and i took a long break because of the comments but things seem good right now and i am happy and the happiest ive been in a long time not because of my bf i dont think i think everything’s just fallen into place and my kids are happy and doing well the only thing is im struggling with my sons schoolin but that’s not the pint of my thread

we live in a flat that’s too small i know you’ll all ask why did you have more kids then but that’s not the point either im just saying for context

he has a flat but he’s found a rental house which is 3 beds but also a garden and the biggest tool could potentially be split im not sure if that’s allowed in a rental though

he wants me too move in with him and ive not had the best judgement with past partners my ex eldest childrens dad was abusive and i was homeless with 3 kids including a baby then my other childs dad is gone and never met him or maybe he did once i can’t remember

i just don’t know as this flat is council so im worried about giving it up but then i think about the exciting things like decorating and us having more space

Of course he wants a house, that you'll help him pay for until he's had enough. Then what?

I know the flat is small but you might get somewhere bigger eventually. You have to have a secure home no matter how small.

Sweetheart, with 5 kids, different fathers, you need stability and security

DO NOT GIVE UP A SECURE COUNCIL FLAT

Kids dont need their own rooms, they need to know they have a home to come home to. They need to know the adult in their life is always going to be there - AND THATS YOU

You are their constant , and you need to be

Please dont risk your children's security for a man

Im not a man hater by any means, but as a child from divorced parents, I became homeless and once I got picked up by a HA , I kept hold of that security - my only constant. Even when I met my now husband, it was a year before he was allowed over the doorstep, and then he moved in with me - my name on the rent book . Five years on when I trusted that he wasnt a fly by night/ cock lodger and all the other terms used on here, we bought a house together - joint owners - even though he was coughing up more then me, we were joint owners

Took me 13 years to marry the man, because he had children and an ex wife, and I wanted to make sure I came first

Your children need you to feed, clothe , house and nurture them. Dont put it at risk for a man

I’ve not seen your previous threads I don’t think . Really just posting to say do not give up that Council Flat . It’s far too soon . If he is decent he will wait .

If he vaguely had your interests at heart he'd not even suggest this.

He either wants a live in cleaner/sex on tap/to make you more dependant upon him - or any combination of the above.

Sorry to sound harsh but you would be MAD to do this.

If the older boys are moving out soon then even more reason to stay where you are.

I didn’t see your other thread when you were pregnant. I’m sorry you had a hard time with your partner then.

but do not give up your council flat for him!

Do NOT give up your council property for ANYTHING or ANYONE.

If you surrender your council property and move in with him and he kicks you out or you want to leave they will NOT rehouse you as you will have made yourself intentionally homeless. Whether you agree this is what you will have done is irrelevant, they will never give you a property again.

One day you will be able to move into a bigger property but you can’t guarantee that he will stay. No one can ever guarantee a relationship will work but you can have the guarantee that if you leave your flat, you will be homeless if the relationship breaks down.

Five!

Five kids. 3 different fathers.

Are you so perfect, then?

Oh for the love of god op!!! I remember your previous posts and you got a hard time because you deserved it. You made the decision to keep the 5th baby even though it was quite clear you were not showing up for your existing kids - never logged on to any of the school apps, didn’t know your oldest had to apply to college ect. You also made some really positive steps off the back of the advice like actually enrolling your son in college.

but know you are back once again thinking with your fanny and not thinking about your kids!!!

you have an over crowding problem because of YOU! Therefore YOU need to solve it. Get on to the counci, so many people gave you so much advice on how you could improve things. So be a parent and fix it.

your current shit boyfriend may be better than the others but by the sounds of it I have some old socks that would be better parents than your older children’s dads. He is not going to save the day. YOU are the parent - it’s your job to provide a safe and secure house and therefore keeping your HA flat is a no brainer. Let’s be honest - there is a 99% likelihood your relationship is going fail again and where will that leave you? In a b&b emergency accommodation with 5 kids and one with send needs?? It beggars belief…

it’s clear you love your children but love is not enough. You have to be a parent

Not perfect, no. Far from it in fact.

But even I've managed to make better life choices than this.

You're right to worry about giving up a council flat, it's really not a good idea this early as he just hasn't proven himself. You can always tell him you need time, like at least a year. What you can't do is get your flat back if it doesn't work out.

You can't decorate a rental but you probably can your council flat now if you want to, make it your own. Have a look at the tenancy agreement and you can also ask the council for advice/vouchers.

You certainly don't have to be perfect to have avoided having five children with random men-none of whom give a toss about you,

I'm quite sure that that isn't your definition of perfect either!

You just need to have a modicum of self respect. Mind blowing isn't it!

Please do not give up your council flat. It is your and your children's stability.
I think once you move in with this man, he will show you his true colours and you will be very vulnerable.

This in buckets!
Apply to the council for a bigger flat if you're overcrowded (though you'll probably wait for years) or consider a swop with someone who may be looking to downsize a bit.
Do not give up your council flat- it's your and your kids security for years to come regardless of whether your in a relationship or not.
You'd be mad to move on the strength of your current partner telling you he's changed- surely you'd want to wait a few years to test whether he can actually sustain the changes you need from him?

Its not a question of perfect or imperfect. Its a question of reality based or not reality based. Her reality is different from other people’s because she buys more children than she can afford at the shit dad store. Most of us won’t keep making the same mistake over and over again. Because we can’t afford to be reckless and dependent on shit men.

The fairy tales say you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince—not fuck them and have their babies.

Do not give up your flat. It’s yours and your children’s security.

Then please do not risk moving 5 children to a new house with a man who could very quickly change his mind and make you all homeless.

This is all wasted breath as even though it’s basically 100% in agreement this would be the worst thing she could do - OP will of course move in with shit dad number 3.

after her last posts where she admitted she had basically never engaged once with any of her kids education - I felt awful for these poor kids who are going to have to go through life with no adult willing to be a parent, now they will lose their home. Those poor kids! It’s heart breaking what they have had to put up it.

(also from memory she has a three bed flat and who is naive enough to think you can split a room in a rental flat??)

What is the rush? You need to stop leaping from one bad decision to another and just slow down.

If this man has miraculously changed, great. He can wait and a good man will be there when you are ready. You've only been back together for a few months.

Giving up your council house is a bad idea.

As everyone else says - do not give up your secure tenancy for anyone. And definitely not for a man you only got back together with in April. Once it is gone then you will probably never get another.

You reckon OP’s circs, shaped by choices she made despite being aware that they were guaranteed to be too much for her, are nothing much to worry about then? You’d leave your daughter to plough such a furrow?