my bf wants me and the children to move in with him

[tiredbuttryin5]

my baby is nearly 7 months old now and i got back with his dad a couple of months ago we split during pregnancy because he didn’t care but he does now and he’s very involved he’s a good dad to my older children too better than their actual dads

i posted a lot last year when i was low and i took a long break because of the comments but things seem good right now and i am happy and the happiest ive been in a long time not because of my bf i dont think i think everything’s just fallen into place and my kids are happy and doing well the only thing is im struggling with my sons schoolin but that’s not the pint of my thread

we live in a flat that’s too small i know you’ll all ask why did you have more kids then but that’s not the point either im just saying for context

he has a flat but he’s found a rental house which is 3 beds but also a garden and the biggest tool could potentially be split im not sure if that’s allowed in a rental though

he wants me too move in with him and ive not had the best judgement with past partners my ex eldest childrens dad was abusive and i was homeless with 3 kids including a baby then my other childs dad is gone and never met him or maybe he did once i can’t remember

i just don’t know as this flat is council so im worried about giving it up but then i think about the exciting things like decorating and us having more space

1- Massive red flag - ‘He didn’t care but now he does’ WHY????

Wow. I wouldn’t be trusting this! A few months of good behaviour…what if you get pregnant again and he starts being useless again? It’s more than likely!

2- You seem to have romanticised the idea of a house for the decorating? I rent out my previous house and I wouldn’t let my tenants redecorate! I’ve also not been allowed to redecorate when I’ve rented houses, so if that’s the reason you think it’s a good idea, you may be mistaken.

As you say you aren’t good at choosing men, I think you have 5(?) children, with several different fathers, as other have said, I wonder if you seriously need to think about going it alone for their sakes.

NO.

STAY IN YOUR COUNCIL HOME AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN.

This man will leave you homeless like the last. You were in pieces last year, its only august.

Once you move in with him, he will force your older kids out.

Dont let the baby brain confuse you. Stay there and wait it out and enjoy your kids.

That's not what I'm saying. Some people have leapt gleefully on to this thread with zero interest in saying anything constructive, simply so they can judge, moralise, bash and attempt to shame OP. That's what I'm objecting to.

Another point.

The eldest are getting to a point where if the OP is made homeless they will be too old to be rehomed with Mum.

The council will have no obligation to them and particularly if they are male they will be deemed low priority.

Or the new Dad decides he's had enough of eldest child and merely boots them out as soon as possible.

The OP risks making them completely homeless and up shit creek with her actions here. Especially given the job market for young people right now.

At least as it stands, they overcrowded but they all have somewhere to go and enough time to sort their shit out to live independently on their own terms.

Yes the oldest is probably closer to 17. He’s had such a difficult start to life with various abusive men, no personal space, finding out at 15 his mum is pregnant again when they are already in a overcrowded flat with yet another useless man, a mum who did not interact at all with his education and a father who is not in the picture and sounds useless if he was there (OP has made some very questionable parenting decisions but at least has been there unlike the dad!)

her focus should 100% be on her kids. Not her relationship. Getting her son through college and hopefully into work, the other eldest who had anger issues (well, duh - no personal space and the only parent who is even bothered is more bothered about getting pregnant with new boyfriend and bringing another child into an over crowded an environment) and child with SEN and a toddler.

my children haven’t met multiple men. theyve met 2. my older 3 has the same dad and they never met my 5 year olds dad my 5 year old maybe saw him a few times as a baby but he blocked me when he was 1 or 2 so he doesnt remember him

this is why i left mn because of judgy posters and posters twisting things in their own head when its not true at all

the posts posters are bringing up are old i did have a bed when i was pregnant but my 5 year old then 4 was in with me even tho he had his own bed and he would take up the room so id sleep on the sofa this was over a year ago now i posted so its not relevant at all ive sorted it and same for the college application hes 17 in a couple weeks it was over a year ago and not relevant to what im posting now .

To be fair - most posts are in relation to your question- would it be madness to give up council flat? M - yes. Absolutely. 100%.

can you decorate a rental - not likely.

can you split a room in a rental - also not likely.

Understood but giving up the council home is still a terrible idea this early. Ask your bf to read his tenancy agreement, you probably won't be able to decorate his home anyway. There's no downside to waiting (no decorating a rental) while moving in with him can end in your family being homeless.

You left because you didn't like hearing the truth. You'll probably do the same again.

I agree , a private rental can be taken from under you and what then ? Is he going to put you on the tenancy ?If not then I’d not even consider it .He can rent where he wants to but it doesn’t have to be your home , think he’s got some time go before he can be trusted.If serious he will accept this surely ? Good Luck ,

You know what, I don't know if your old threads are still up because I haven't looked. But there were loads of them and they were absolutely
Infuriating and now you're just trying to change the story completely.

You wanted to kick your 16 year old son out because you were failing him terribly and he was on his games console all day.

Now you're trying to make out everything was just fine? It's ridiculous.

I think the bullying on this thread is shocking. And the pile-on. Why do people feel the need to repeat multiple times what has been said already.

Op, do you have any family support?

A starting point is to acknowledge your decision making is flawed and on this occasion you did ask for advice and have been told to not move

If you move to have an extra bedroom you are also adding in another adult so it's not going to be solution.

Make a resolution, no more babies. Focus on your older children as they will need lots of help to move into adulthood. Forget your relationships with an unreliable man, accept it's not your time as the children need 100% focus.

Is there a secure safe place the eldest could move to when he is 18, such as a trusted stable family member?

I dont know your old posts, Im just imploring you, do not give up your flat for a man

I dont know what's gone on in the past. Im just begging you to step up and parent your children and give them the stability they need

Your children should be your No ! concern .

Be a parent, get your affairs in order Dont rely on a man who has so far shown his flakiness Your children deserve better

again my last threads were over a year ago so not relevant to this my last proper post here was in september last year. a lot can change in a year

i never said about kicking him out either he was 15 at the time where would a 15 year old go

i left because even tho some posters were helpful others were always piling on every single thread even a thread about me needing support due to possible issues at the scan telling me to have an abortion after i said no i wasnt going to if that was my partner and i posted youd all have been saying abuse but it was ok for you strangers to try bully me into it? it was affecting my mental health so i left which www a shame because i dont have much support

Okay op, what have you decided?

Moving out of your council home, with a lifetime secure tenancy, is a terrible bloody idea.

This man cannot afford the home himself and needs you and the benefits youre entitled to

Focus on your children, they dont need a man in the house, they need a mum who prioritises them. Stay in your current home.

im not going to move in with him.

This is the right thing x

Good choice. Hope you and kids have a happy and peaceful life

Hello OP. Well done on keeping your council flat, that is 100% correct. It would be insanity and a massive failing to your kids to make yourself so very vulnerable.

I would strongly strongly recommend getting sterilised or at very minimum an implant to really minimise pregnancy risks. The baby cycle really needs to stop now - for your own sake and that of your existing kids.

I had a mother like you. Please stop doing this to your kids. Glad you’re staying put it’s the first step in a journey of good decisions. I don’t speak to my mother anymore. Don’t end up like that.
By the way it’s not bullying when people tell you the truth. They talk from experience, you’ve let your kids down repeatedly but it’s not too late to change and staying in your flat is the first step to you being a parent your kids can trust instead of another clusterfuck in their lives. Be proud of that first step.

Agree it’s not bullying - it’s concern for your children. You say you love your children and want to best for them so when you have hair-brained ideas like leaving your council flat so you can have some pie in the sky wallpapering fantasy with your tool of a boyfriend - then you get pulled up. It sounds as though you don’t have a lot of support - friends or family who would do this in real life. Have you looked into accessing any kind of support in your area? I think last time people suggested so routes you could take especially with a new baby.

Good for you, OP. Staying put and focusing on you and your children is the way to go. BF is just background noise - you are the important one here.

Agree it’s not bullying - you have probably missed the deleted posts @Doubledutchbuss