AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

Maybe. But, it's time to re-evaluate what one says, then.

Yes, but that isn't helpful no matter how genuinely well-meant. It is only over-bearing an inappropriate to analyze someone's life choices unless asked for opinions on that.

"How is that at all helpful?" —to encourage her to reflect on her past life choices so she doesn't repeat them, especially since she plans to separate from her partner? Will she have more children with a new partner? Will she be drawn to someone who has similar traits to her current partner?

How is any of that relevant at this moment in time? They’re on holiday and they’ve nor even separated yet

and there’s ways of saying things - dwelling on the past isn’t going to help at present

I did. And I didn’t see it mentioned anywhere that it was possible/not possible for somebody to come out and help her/keep her company for the remaining of the holiday, so I said what I said and it still remains

But they’ve already called a truce and decided to stay and manage it between them and then separate when they get home

It's a side issue, I know, but going on holiday, especially one that involves a long journey with young kids just seems like hell on earth to me. When mine were small, we just did days out, and nothing too challenging.

But that doesn't justify your partner's behaviour. No matter how pissed off he might be with you, and nothing you say really excuses him getting so annoyed, there is no excuse, none, for him effectively walking out on a family holiday.

Next year, whether you're with him or not (and my choice would be 'not', the silent treatment is a very manipulative way to behave), take the kids to Whitby, or wherever your local equivalent is.

he is a dick but don’t go home. what a waste of money. and although it’s difficult with 3 that small it’s not impossible (i also have 3 girls) of course you can go to a restaurant. if it’s ai it likely is a buffet. get a table nearby and you just all need to go to the buffet and carry a couple of plates back to the table at a time.

Oh FFS.

Sounds like I've hit a nerve lol

Have I hit a nerve? I dip in and out of MN don't always have the time to trawl through all the posts

This is how you offer perspective on OP's circumstances, give advice kindly and offer support. 👏

Then why bother? If you can see there are hundreds and posts and the OP is days old surely you can figure out things may have moved on?

You don't have to. Who has time for that unless insomnia or feeding baby. 😂
But, you can check if OP posted an update.
And, people could ignore redundant replies, tbf. 😄

Got an ex like this, and that is exactly why he's an ex.

Stupid manbaby that flew off the handle over stupid things and stayed mad for days. Ugh.

Your soon to be ex needs to get the fxxk over himself. It's pathetic behaviour, and sorry, but no, he's not a "good dad" if he's "doing his hair" and leaving you to deal with everything. That's not what a good parent does. He's an unmitigated tosspot.

You could click on the ops posts though.

Agree 💯
Because he is modelling disrespect, manipulation, power-tripping and passive-aggressiveness. Not great parenting.
You nailed it. 👏

🙇‍♀️ bowing out now. Thread is nearly full. Hopefully OP is doing okay, kids are having fun and OP has some ideas how to move forward. Will likely see a lot of you on other threads. Until then . 💕👏😄

Actually if I saw a man throwing a cloth baby hat at a woman and she fled in fear I'd think she was a wet hen who needed to grow the fuck up. It was a small soft hat. You could do more damage just tossing the water bottle at someone not even hurling it in anger.

You wouldn't choose to throw such a feeble object in anger, I'd definitely pick something more substantial, I'd potentially use it if frustrated with someone faffing though.

Sorry incorrect response to a different thread.

I wish you the best

This guy pushed you into your reaction by his under functioning, which you enable by your over functioning. Sounds shit. He is exhausting you and taking 1 kid instead of all 3 to make up for his hissy fit and your solo shift on the first day of the holiday after that hellish journey is shit. And its really sad you sound so grateful for it cos it shows how little he actually does. I really do hope you dont settle for him and this toxic exhausting cycle he has you trapped in.

Things like this? It was a baby swim hat.

is everyone in this thread ok? The husband and anyone defending him are dick heads of the highest order

If you go into “ see all” at the top of the page every comment the op has made will come up. You won’t have to read the whole thread then but will be up to date with everything the op has decided to do.

FFS is right it goes straight over some people’s head

If you know he will continue to punish you with passive aggression in this way then yes leave and go home if there are no kids clubs for the younger ones or you don't want to use them.

I would probably then look into some counselling for you both to manage the rather high conflict you seem to have.

My husband used to do the same thing. It took me getting to the point of being absolutely ready to divorce him for him to change. Your husband can change his behaviour but he has to want to do it and you probably need to change yours as well.