AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

If you seen an angry man throwing a hat at his wife you would be up in arms. You would cheer her on for storming off or paint her as an abused victim. IV been on the recieving end of physical and verbal abuse and just wanted to run but I froze. His behaviour is extreme but who knows if this is a daily occurrence and his fight or flight instinct led him to flee so as not to escalate.

If you click see all on the OPs post, you’ll get all the updated information.

Unfortunately this time you’ve responded to old news.

What a toxic and irrelevant comment. You are need to contemplate your entire outlook on life

Thats not how we do things round here. Try being supportive not picking faults for people with kindness in their hearts

Hhaaahahaa the imagination is strong with this one

"Cue pile on but just calling a spade ♠️ a spade 🪏."

Keep tellin" yourself that. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Is that a star trek reference? This is a serious thread, if you want fun and games go to the relevant section. Immature to say the least so Im guessing you don't have the life experience to contribute to this thread. Cluttering up people like me who are spending alot of time trying to actually HELP. Goodness gracious.

Let's be clear. If the DH felt threatened by OP would he have abandoned the children to her sole care? 🤔

Alot of partners act aggressively towards each other but never towards the children. Surely you must know this?

Are you MNHQ? If not then you do not get to decide how we do things round here.

I was actually advising to read the updates so that the response is to the latest news. No point bleating on about something that happened yesterday and has been fully discussed already.

That kindness in your heart is just oozing in your ‘miss know it all’ reply 😂

We are a community not a dictatorship. I don't stand by in real life and let bullys go unchallenged so I will not here. I'm sorry if you are angry and are venting on here but please remember there is alot at stake for one family and unhelpful folk like you clutter up the thread and maje it unreadable for OP. Cool off, log off and come back here with a better attitude.

That was a response to educate not belittle or humiliate. Please stop with the sarcasm and let's all pull together and help OP

You are the only one who appears angry.

Your opinion isn’t the only right opinion. I think you should come down off your pedestal and let others speak.

It was definitely belittling.

I'm not angry I'm just focused on helping OP as my career gives me a unique insight into the problem at hand. I'm sorry if I'v been rude but I'm 100 miles an hour at the minute and trying to sort this thread I think something of use. I hope you understand.

Ok let's both put our big girl pants on and put a pin in this. Please tell us what you think OP should do after they return home bearing in mind they have decided to see out the holiday fur the children's sake which I think is the correct decision.

I’ve already said further up thread.

Trying to HELP by telling other people off, censuring attitudes you deem wrong, pontificating about "how we do things here" and, most of all, getting all emotional about the intolerable violence of lobbing a tiny piece of soft cloth at a water bottle.

You're amusing, I'll give you that.

This must rate as one of the classic Mumsnet threads where the OP puts up her immediate situation for advice and there's a shedload of comments as to all the stuff OP has done wrong in the last 5 years.

The lack of empathy on here is really troubling.

OP, I'm so glad you stayed and gave this holiday a chance. If your DH still doesn't get just how much he left you and your kids in the crap with his disappearing act, maybe write it out and get him to read it, maybe not now but before you leave the holiday. I hope you can enjoy what's left of your time away - try and find some time to be calm, to think about where you want to be in six months, in a year, at Christmas. Calm, look after yourself (you know that adage about putting your own mask on before putting on the kids masks on an aeroplane) - you're no good to anyone if you are tired, stressed, anxious. Have a look at another great thread on Mumsnet "There We Are Then" - it can be better, it will be better with a little work and a little time.

And ignore those on here who
Try to put you down
Make you feel like you've done something wrong with having children
Make you feel like you've done something wrong with trying to give your children a nice holiday

Saying, "Surely you must know this?" Doesn't make you sound like you just want to provide info. It's condescending.
Surely you must know this? 🤔

That is very good advice.. both parents should put the kids first and decide the future once home and in private and when things have cooled off. People advising flying home on her own, reporting him missing etc would only cause huge panic fir the children and family at home.

Dont be so bloody wet. A grown man freezing in terror because his partner threw a soft hat at a plastic water bottle.
It wouldnt even register on my danger scale if my ex husband had done this. Fucking hell.
And you think thats a fine excuse for him to disappear all day leaving her with the children.
If he felt she was such a terrifying monster then why did he bugger off leaving three small and vulnerable chikdren with her and not take them with him?
No way Id leave my kids alone with an angry man.
Go away and give your head a wobble.

It's common sense that not all men or woman who abuse there partners automatically abuse the kids. Domestic abuse and child abuse are 2 separate things. Of course someone can be both but just as likely they are one or other. It's like saying all gay men are paedophiles.. just nonsense and ignorant to think that

I wonder if you knew the origin of the phrase 'give your head a wobble' that you would still say it to another human being? I hope not. I'm sorry if my opinions rile you but let's keep it civil please. I may not be your cup of tea but I will not be intimidated by your aggressive posting style.