AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

Well that escalated. Could I envisage a situation where I go nuclear, think you can’t reason with unreasonable person and due to this opt to leave/go AWOL? 💯 I can. All have our last straw and breaking point. It’s not the kids but if had a pain in arse partner it would be them I’m creating distance from. OP already said when we had the drama over going home she was taking all the kids so for all we know DH might’ve learned when they fall out human shield of said kids created. We don’t know is the point. OP you could be lovely/blameless so nowt personal but nuts 🥜 how many MN posts end up as LTB, it’s abuse, he’s an x, y or z, it’s misogynistic etc. Easy to say based on one side, but if it was our male relatives or friends we might think differently and always more to it. Cue pile on but just calling a spade ♠️ a spade 🪏.

See if you can get special assistamce at both airports for your journey home. If you are with a tour company, speak to the rep.
My son had no sense of danger at that either. It's a bloody nightmare

Nothing here would make it that situation where I walk out on my kids. He was already telling her he wasn’t helping before she threw anything, and she threw a hat. This is not the extreme situation they decide, it’s a bog standard man acts like his children are optional to him on holiday; with a side order of they are young with additional needs so he’s solidly fucked over their holiday with his selfishness.

Oh. My. God. People just cannot stop patronizing. 🙄

Reread the original post. OP described initial trigger as trivial. Admitted she was in a huff/bad mood. OP also said after little sleep DH was she thought going to take kids swimming. OP when it all kicked off rejected DHs offer to take some of kids home on flight ✈️ . That nonsense/drama has subsided - in a way - but point is maybe if he knew he’d be allowed to, not every woman lets them, he would have taken some of kids with him. They’re clearly collateral here though. Someone said about immaturity and I’m not wholly defending the DH just pointing out the bad behaviour and stubbornness/pride, one up man ship might not be as black/white as you state. Which is normal. To be old and wise as the saying goes, you first (both here potentially) have to be young and daft first. DHs conduct in and of itself is not misogyny. We have too few details, and imbalance of info to know it’s that. Again imho. OP also praised his general parenting. Why can it not sometimes just be young couple who need to both wise up, are rubbish at olive branch, communication and repair!?

He's blaming you for making him behave this way🚩. Ahhhh right.... I made a comment at beginning of this thread that he would go off, relax and enjoy himself and then come back and blame you.
So yes, he's being predictable emotional abuser.

I’m sorry you are in this situation OP but this relationship is really not healthy — bad for you and the kids. I don’t think anyone can tell based on the limited information you’ve provided here what you should do but is there any way you can access counselling or support when you get home as surely you can’t go on like this?

You’re making that up. He was getting ready so they could both go out. He never said pre hat throw/tantrum he wasn’t willing to go out with kids, sure he was getting ready OP thought to take them swimming. OP was p’d he was taking too long and he said after the hissy, he was leaving before he got angry. He also thought OP had done something to his phone. According to him obvs. Take the all men are Bs line if you want. Some are. Some aren’t. Same as us women. Imho.

You're going to be busy this evening, posting on every single thread that we're only getting one side of the story. Do yourself a favour and think about what you're going to say, and then don't say it.

he doesn’t seem to think things need to change in that respect. It’s all very much my fault for causing it everytime. His moods that is. Apparently I’m the only one that has made him do this!

Sorry OP, I know this is such an MN cliché, but any chance there's an OW? You say he's only been like it for the last year - and if he can convince himself that you alone make him angry, he can also convince himself that an affair is justified because you're the one ruining his life.

PS And therefore tell himself that he's not doing anything wrong.

You’ve done the right thing. You’ve been an adult about this. It would have been nigh on impossible to juggle three, all with very different needs. You have been level headed and thoughtful about how physically/logically you could manage this. Thank god he saw a bit of sense. It was the right thing to stay. The holiday might be salvaged, even if your relationship can’t. That bit can wait. It’s a learning experience for the kids- obviously not the baby, they are clueless to where they are! But I’m sure that’s why you took the older two. Let your older two enjoy the food and the pool. Fret about your manchild when you get home. Thank fucking Christ he’s seen semi reason. He deserves seven bells of shit on your return. I hope you have a lovely time. You did need more hands, for that he’s unforgivable.

Yeah right. Someone on here saying how outrageous it was that DH left her alone all day, then suggested she does the same thing the next day, to leave the 3 kids with him before he wakes up and take herself off to another hotel! I mean, I what the hell? That makes her as bad as him and the only people she’d be hurting are the children! Who are likely to be upset in room where Daddy’s asleep. Shocking advice

OP it’s you and your kids, forget sulky pants.
put him out of your mind and try and see what fun you can have with your children on your holiday . Yes you argued yes you throw something at him, not talking it through & sulking for days is not heathy by any standard

Oh love. You guys are in the trenches with kids at those ages - no doubt made significantly harder with neurodivergence. Tensions can run high and tbh it sounds like there was good reason for it. We all know that feeling where you just need to get going! Your partner has been completely unreasonable here - both to you and your kids. I am sorry - I feel like you

Comparing the huge challenge of taking her three kids to a buffet with people escaping war is minimising how challenging OP’s situation is. If it was a matter of LIFE OR DEATH of course OP would take her kids to a buffet! But it’s not, and it’s still really fucking hard. FFS.

Ignore the horrible judgemental people. What he has done is abusive, you did a silly thing in a moment of stress and frustration you wouldn’t have acted that way if he was actually being a co parent and not letting it all fall on you, please consider your life with this man as it is going to impact your kids too. You deserve better and you havent done anything that warrants it!!!!

It's definitely emotional abuse as I've just separated from my partner die to years of this. I couldn't put up with it any longer as it was getting worse... I found out he was having a two year affair so I'd be questioning with your other half is being a tw*t because he's having it off with someone else but doesn't think it would look good if he left you with 3 young children.

@Dyva 😆😆😆

So you already have an older child, then you have an autistic one....at what point did you think...hey let's have another 2 kids with an immature man, who sounds like hes had enough and just wants out. then eff off on a All inclusive holiday in the single hottest time of the year.
I suggest you start looking very hard at your life choices.

Hundreds of times? So say your 40 you have been abroad 5+ times every year since your were born?.. I'm guessing you travelled for work or are from an extremely wealthy background so would have been travelling with a baby and first class? Neither scenario gives you any idea if being with young kids in Málaga airport at 2am with overwhelmed airport and airline staff dealing with chaos. You are a bit of an odd bod aren't you ?

Overreaction. OP was stressed with 3 crying kids. All of them and her tired. Ok she shouldnt have thrown a hat. But noone is perfect.

Why did you have 3 kids with a man who takes no responsibility for them?

YANBU at all, maybe go home and change the locks.

Totally irresponsible advice as you said. What planet do some folk live on?

@BusyMommaOf4 giving your kids the best holiday is all you can do now as what your H did on day one of your holiday is unforgivable. Make the most of him helping you now with the three kids whilst on this holiday, as it’s highly likely you’ll never be on holiday as a 5 again.

Best of luck, stomaching him for the remainder of your time away and good luck for your future without him.

Hi OP, very sorry to hear your situation it must be very stressful.

Coming to the point of you returning back, how would you do it? Would you leave your kids with him or bring them back?

If you intend to fly back with kids, would the emmigration check if the DC's dad has approved of it? Not sure if it is still required as you all would be returning to your home country. But if they do would he approve of it?

Hope he returns back and things get resolved... all the best