AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

This has all worked out perfectly for him, hasn’t it? He gets to go off and do his own thing for a day, decides to go home because you are but you are left to manage all the kids alone again, while he can hold this over you forever as ‘he had to leave the holiday early because of you.’

I hope things get better for you, OP.

So angry on your behalf. What a useless pathetic piece of shit. Get rid of him.

You poor thing. What a horrible situation. I certainly couldn’t manage on my own with three kids like that. I hope everything works out for you xx

Just get up and go out. Take baby if you’re breast feeding. Leave him with the older two for a few hours. Take your book to the beach/pool. At the very least take yourself off to the buffet breakfast.

Husband acts like a child. Did he act like this before you had kids? Honestly how many emotionally immature men I see being posted on here blows my mind!! They need to take responsibility for their emotions and get a grip, sorry he’s a dick,

Don't make a snap decision on this until everyone has had the chance to calm down a bit. Everyone down for breakfast. Then take the big ones for a swim.

I'm guessing he's hungover today. Not that you should pander to it, but that won't be helping descalate the situation.

I would try and make the best of the day for your children's benefit.

Op I wouldn’t take children that young abroad, it’s hard work. But the fact that he left you to deal with all 3 is awful. It’s a massive waste of money to pack and go home. But again he is leaving all 3 with you. They are his kids to. A young baby and a child with Sen on a flight are hard work. This man needs to find some way of understanding his selfish behaviour. If he can’t do that op I would walk away.

@BusyMommaOf4 this whole thing and to be honest a lot of posters on this remind me of when I was young over 40 years ago and we were staying at a hotel with a buffet.

There was a mother with 4 or 5 young kids at the table beside us at breakfast and her husband was listing off the things he wanted on his breakfast from the buffet.

Off she trotted with hungry kids pulling out of her all the way to get his lordship his breakfast. Once she sorted him out she was then free to sort the kids out.

I was about 7 at the time and it stayed with me all my life how unfair it was for that woman that a fully grown man couldn’t support his wife and help her manage his own kids. Entitled, selfish narcissistic men having been doing this stuff to women to put them in their place for all of time. I’m extremely disappointed with some of the women on this thread trying to put the blame on you for your husbands initial awfulness in this but that is not unusual either, women have been propping up the patriarchy for all of time too.

So he’s still leaving you with the kids while he takes the luggage. Can’t he be adult enough to travel with his own family!
I would leave him but also I’m wondering if he’s totally checked out, doesn’t seem if he cares much if he can leave the kids all day.
It sounds like an awful trip and I would have struggled too with three. I hope you have some family to come and help when you get home.

Shocking behaviour from him. I feel awful for you OP.

Why not give him 1 of the DC? And you take a case in exchange? I think he needs to step up here

😱

Holidays with little ones are stressful maybe you both need to just take a day to calm down

Disgraceful man.

Gosh OP this sounds awful, I’m so sorry.

is there any chance a friend or your mum or someone could fly out and take his place on the holiday and help you with the kids for the rest of the week? Let him go back and you stay on?

He tricked you into giving him a reason to have a jolly few days on his own with no responsibility

please please use birth control from now on

please consider your options

And how about he takes the kids and not you to travel back

he treats you like the maid!

Cannot parent his own children

what a shithead

Pretty sure he won’t be able to travel with all cases alone. They will only accept his own due to security reasons unless he claims they are all his and he’s willing to pay excess baggage.

He's an arse. Suggest you kick DH out and take him for every penny ... Four kids is a lot of monetary support, he'll be lucky to have enough money left to breathe. Arguments happen, especially when you've got young kids, sounds like he was looking for an excuse so he was winding you up until you reacted.

Alternatively, you can tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't change his ways you will kick him out and take him for every penny and see if he reconsiders his attitude. However, you need to be prepared to go ahead. He's gaslighting you and you cannot allow this to happen.

I’m so sorry that your holiday has ended in such an awful manner. Your DH sounds like a man-child - I hope the airport is ok and you get help from the staff. He’s got the easy flight w the luggage - but he may as well keep his and fuck off when you get home.

The fact your husband disappeared without his phone, and never bothered to come back to check on you/children is utterly disgusting. He knew he didn't have his phone with him, knew he wasn't contactable, knew he was leaving you to deal with 3 young children all day/evening...yet wasn't in the slightest bit bothered.

This is no longer about an argument or you throwing a hat at him, it's about the complete lack of concern for his family and respect for his wife. He was annoyed/pissed off, and wanted you to know about it, so he stayed away to punish you. The same as he does when he gives you the silent treatment for days on end. It's not about him calming down, no one takes days to do this, it's purely to punish you.

His behaviour is abusive. It's sole purpose is to punish you. When he thinks you've been punished enough, he reverts back to himself. The likelihood is, he knows you struggle with all 3 children, so leaving you with them all day/night, is also a punishment.

You need a long hard think about what you want going forward. Your relationship sounds toxic. It's not a great environment to be bringing up 3 children within. If you decide to divorce, then you will be on your own with 3 children, most likely 50% of the time or more.

There is the oldest child who did not go on the trip. Is DP the father of that child and, therefore, required to provide support?

Can I ask a question please? If you were struggling with the kids on your own on holiday, what are you going to do differently when you get back home because it looks like you are about to become a full time solo parent. Sorry you appear to have chosen a duffer as the father of your children. Also where did he go for that length of time without a thought for his kids?

The luggage that he can check in?
The luggage that doesn't get hungry?
The luggage that doesn't cry or wriggle?
He's a Prince isn't he

Are you mad or just being a martyr? Don't struggle through the airport alone with 3 kids for this moron. He needs to help or take at least one with him.