AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

Incase OP is worried he’s been in an accident or had his phone stolen. Everyone knows their partners best, if mine had done that I’d want to know he’s ok.

my other advice about breakfast was fine thank you. it’s not up to you to decide whose advice is best.

I just wouldn't have even tried going on a Holiday with kids that age, sounds like stress and it was.

Excuse me but a buffet at a busy hotel is far less daunting than getting a taxi or bus to an airport, carrying luggage and kids to check in baggage, going through passport control and then waiting for and finding the departure gate. All this time the heat is unbearable, the noise is deafening and the kids get hungrier and thirstier and when you look to feed them a burger king costs 50 euro and a 500ml of water costs 5 euros. Have you ever been abroad ? Your either making fun of the situation or are extremely naive.

Oh, I feel sad for the kids. What do they want to do - stay or go home? Can’t you convince him to grow up for the short time of the holiday for their sake and also put off your annoyance until after the holiday, as you said you don’t want to fix it now even if he does.

If you do decide to return home then see if you can get special assistance at the airport as your DS is autistic though you're supposed to book it in advance.

No it was terrible, I'm sorry but it was. OP says he has previous if disappearing during arguements and assumes he's at the hotel bar. She's not worried for his whereabouts but livid he has left her and is worried on coping on her own. Encouraging escalating the situation to making a missing person's report in a foreign country is quite frankly insane. Is she were to do that hotel management, police etc would be searching he hotel room and asking her and the children questions. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I'm worried OP may take your advice and cause a traumatic event fur herself, her children and family at home.

While DP is being a complete jerk, OP might be acting a bit rash in her rush to leave. Feeding the kids sounds so tough, even with staff help. But honestly, getting through airport security and passports with them might be even harder! I also worry if she can actually afford to pay her friend back for four last-minute plane tickets. Those definitely aren't cheap!

Your lucky to get assistance if it was booked in January. Please stop encouraging OP to go home tonight in her own. She needs to wait until morning and contact a family member to fly over and help her and the children return home if the partner doesn't make things right or at least get them all home safely. The ramifications of the arguement can be dealt with at home.

When you say go home I hope you mean on your own. That would bring him to his senses!

I haven't encouraged her to go home but I suggested if she does decide to go then see if she can get special assistance even though it should be booked in advance.

I've only returned from a holiday at the weekend and only booked special assistance for my companion 3 days before our outbound flight so I don't know why you're suggesting 7 - 8 months in advance.

Are there any kids clubs you can book he oldest two into ?

As n d does he have location sharing turned on with his mobile so you can see where he/mobile is without calling again?

the front desk might know too.

Oh my days.. please stop with this uneducated advice.. this is a serious situation, egging the op on to make a rash decision at 2am is unacceptable. Step away please.

@BusyMommaOf4 this is just awful. I can’t believe an adult would treat another adult like this and also ruin the first day of their kids holiday. His sulking is completely unacceptable.

I would stick it out for the kids sake but I’d be leaving him once home.

It's hit and miss and not be relied upon especially after midnight. I'm getting concerned that people are egging op on to make as bad decision so apologies if I was rude. I know everyone has the heart in the right place but op needs to wait until the morning before deciding to go home alone or report her husband missing.

I think given the ages of the kids OPs partner needs to come back and help out with the kids. Sometimes when there's an argument and you may be in the right he was initially. However to not come back and not pick up the phone is WRONG ALSO. I actually thing its worse than throwing a hat.... and knocking over a glass of water.

The kids are far too young to just leave OP and the kids to suffer. Hes made his point and OP has too.

Meanwhile the children, his children too need looking after. Hes taking the P massively and there would be no more holidays on the cards abroad if I was OP!

So many men run this script - it's all too much, they're overwhelmed, the stress, they need some space...

Will nobody think of the real victims in all this!

Hugs, @BusyMommaOf4
Thinking of you. x

The children.. the children are the real victims. Bravo, best post IV I read all night.

I was being dry, I'm afraid.

And I'm also thinking of the children, who are having to depend on their mother, who has had no support at all today.

I'm genuinely confused.. me think you not dry.

Very clever, very well played

Oh give over she frisbeed at hat at him, it wasn't a housebrick you absolute wet wipe. 😬🤣

Op yanbu. And leave the bastard, I cannot stand sulking men. This would give me the ick for a lifetime and life's too short for that.

Yes, make sense. But op is really exhausted with 3 kids and her husband was being difficult in every sense. He argued with her when she was the only one taking care of distressed / tired kids. Then he acted controlling by telling her he is not going anywhere and changed the plan. Op didn’t go to Spain to be confined to a room with crying kids and sulky husband. She shouldn’t have thrown the hat but how much is too much for a person before they can start giving back.

When people put all sort of behaviour under the basket of abuse, I just wonder can’t they see the difference between a man hitting his wife every day versus a woman who reacted this way after a long period of taking so much. You can’t take just one detail and tell op she was so wrong so deserving the silent treatments and lack of response she is getting in a foreign country with 3 kids under 4, while ignoring everything what she had put up with since arriving in Spain because if knowing everything op said all you can do is justify this man’s not answering ( basically controlling - control her day, her options, disregarding impact on her and leaving her with little options ), then maybe you are like him.

Whatever happens on holiday, you start the ball rolling to divorce the useless fucker once you get home. Nobody needs to spend their life with a sulking man-child. Sulking is abusive.