AIBU to just f off back home?

[BusyMommaOf4]

Day one of a weeks holiday in Spain with DP and DC (age 4, 3 and 0)

Me and DP had an argument this morning which was in my opinion trivial but I know people are different. Basically I was stressed because the 2 older kids had been crying most of the morning as we had a late arrival and they haven’t slept enough (got to hotel at 1.30am and was up at 7.30). Wasn’t working in the hotel room trying to get them to sleep so I wanted to get them out in the pushchair. Partner suggested going to the shops and (I believe he said) then go swimming straight after. Baby was asleep so didn’t get her ready for swimming. DP was taking ages getting ready so I said I’d just walk them up and down to stop the crying. Tbf it was only a few minutes when I came back as he still wasn’t out the room as he was doing his hair. I was unreasonably annoyed, basically in a huff saying I might as well get baby ready as I was waiting for him anyway (but didn’t say that). It was just the stress of waiting around for 2 hours in the room already with them not settling. Then it was an argument over what we were doing basically. Escalated as he said that he was gonna stay in the hotel room so I was fuming because that meant me being left with all 3 kids and I genuinely can’t take them all out by myself very easily. So I got pissed off and threw a hat at him which knocked his water over (that was out of order I know). So he said he was going out before he got angry. This was 7 hours ago. He’s not responding to messages etc so no clue where he is. He’s probably just in the hotel bar. But I’ve had this before where he takes days to calm down regardless of whether I apologise etc. Yes it was my fault but it this a normal reaction?! I can’t stay on holiday like this. There is literally no point me being here because I haven’t been able to take the kids swimming or anywhere really today. Had a walk to the shops (2 in a pushchair whilst wearing a baby carrier. 4 year old is autistic which is why he needs a pushchair for safety) so only a small walk. Got some food etc to cook as I don’t see how I can go to the restaurant with all of them as I can’t leave them at the table. We’re all inclusive and haven’t brought enough money to keep buying food as didn’t think that was going to be needed.
A friend has said she’ll lend me the money for flights home if I want to go tomorrow. AIBU if I do that and just leave him here? I will let him know but he’s not replying to anything even me asking if he was coming back so I could get the kids some food which I think is out of order. Hence the walk to the shops. So I have no clue when he’ll be back. What would you do?

I’m so sorry OP, it’s not much help now but I would seriously think twice about going on these kinds of holidays with 3 kids at such a young age ‘unless ‘ you have a really reliable calm partner- and he clearly isn’t you aren’t the first one on here this summer who has ended up solo parenting with multiple kids - I would befriend a kind looking mum or a staff member and ask if they could help you out - I would be more than happy to help if I was there and if I could see your situation

Because they get away with it for years! I was in this position too, luckily no kids what my ex twat so I left eventually. But wasted many years with him unfortunately

Yes head home and give serious thought to the future. He will wake you up, drunk, at 4am wake the kids, blame you, and sleep all tomorrow . More punishment as he will be too hung over to help with the kids. Bail now on the holiday and relationship.

I did AI with 4 and 6yo last summer. Literally every time we left the table, even to grab a quick drink refill, it had been cleared and often reset when we got back, usually in under 30 seconds. Don’t underestimate the efficiency of staff in a buffet style restaurant!

@BusyMommaOf4

God, what an awful situation you’re in. Your husband is an utter prick to disappear & be no contact all day, leaving you to solo parent 3 tiny people in unfamiliar surroundings. The argument was minor & down to sleep deprivation & frayed nerves etc - bit of 50:50 & no big deal but his actions since? Deal breaker. 100%. Hope you find a way through the next few days for the sake of the kids but I’d be flying home with divorce in mind if it were me.

He hasn’t come back! Why do people keep asking as though abandoning his wife and three needy children for 7 hours to drink signals that he is quite a reasonable person. Obviously he isn’t!

A lot of people assuming that because OP doesn’t want to wrangle three kids in a buffet or a pool that means she can’t manage all three of her kids at a time. I’m sure if OP was at home with her support network and routines she’d be fine.

It’s also useless telling OP to just talk to her DH and tell him they need to get on for the sake of the kids. That relies on her DH being a reasonable person, which OP knows he’s not. She has to put up with days of silent treatment and guilt tripping now. The option is staying and being miserable or going home and wasting her holiday.

Me too, I avoid them like the plague now. Much happier

It's the first sentence here that tells me a lot. There is no getting away from the fact you are both living in an extremely stressful situation trying to cope with 3 children under 5 & one with special needs. It sounds like your partner has had a melt down which although not an excuse for walking out everyone has a breaking point. You reacted to stress by throwing something at him & he responded by walking out. I hope he returns & you both settle down & try to relax as much as possible during this stage of raising your children. You are both trying your best, just stop fighting.

This!!
When our three children were very little OP we took them on holiday and it wasn’t worth it. The stress! I genuinely wanted to go home after 3 days - the food, the heat, the travel, the tiredness… it did settle and we actually enjoyed the last 4 days. However, we waited two more years before going abroad again and that was wonderful - it felt like a holiday for everyone. So when other mums with young children asked me about holidaying with three under three, I told them do not attempt it - same shit, different place. Save your money for a couple of years time when you will all get to enjoy it. In your situation, I’d go home tomorrow and I don’t say that lightly but give that your DP won’t come round anytime soon, you have too much to manage on your own in different surroundings. You will be ok, but you need to get home and put it down to experience. Hope you’re ok x

How would you react if he threw something at you in front of your kids? Just smile and let it go?

If you can’t manage the buffet, do not attempt to fly home with all three alone.

I think you need to make the best of the holiday for the kids.

saw others suggest kids club.

re food, honestly, if I saw you struggling, I’d offer to help!! Sure the staff will try & help if you ask. But for the buffett, put some plates on the table then go back and forth with what you can carry/manage them make the best of it by dishing it up onto their plates.

tell him in no uncertain terms in the morning to help you. Divide and conquer or relationships over.

Just make it through till you get home then I think you need to reassess.

in future take parents/inlaws/friends/siblings so you know you have support with the kids. I can’t imagine its easy with a baby & SEN child with just the two of you anyway & thats without entertaining middle child (kids club if they have one)

Agree with this but tbh I would take the next flight home and get back to a familiar place where looking after the kids is less stressful. She'll be walking on eggshells for the rest of the holiday in case he disappears again.

Taking small DC on holiday, even with both parents mucking in equally, is not really a holiday anyway IMO.

Going incommunicado for a whole day and leaving his wife and small kids, one a small baby, another with behavioural challenges arising from disability, after just having arrived in a foreign county is unforgivable IMO.

DO you have someone to pick you up for the airport and help you get settled back at home OP?

What a load of judgemental rubbish. She can manage them in the room but we can all see that’s a shit holiday. She cans manage them at home. She can get them home, then relax. She can’t take them out on holiday without enormous stress and risk. It’s not rocket science, I question these amazing parenting skills you think you have. If you do have some empathy could you just leave her alone now?

Op, don’t cover for him. Tell everyone what he’s done. Tell everyone you had to come home as he’d just fucked off. That he’d decided to just let you take them all out on their own and he hang out on his own, then when you got upset he left and was completely out of contact.

I would ring reception and report him missing tonight. Then that’s the end of a rubbish day.

I hope tomorrow is better for you op. Try to get some sleep and get down to breakfast with the kiddos in the morning. Breakfast should be the easiest to manage if there’s fruit yoghurt etc. I would put the pushchair at the table go up with the baby in the sling and load a tray up of all the easy bits like that. Go up a second time for more and so on. I’m sure someone nice will help you.

I know it’s hard I was a lone parent and I’m from a massive family. So the easiest way to parent when there’s lots of kids is to keep it all simple. I used to babysit younger ones as well as my own so maybe 4, 5 at a push alone.

She can't even cope with a buffet nevermind getting to and navigating a Spanish airport in August.. think before you post next time as this is very unhelpful and could be construed as trolling.

Oh and OP once you are home after the holiday you tell people what he did. And if it was me the relationship would be over in my head from tonight after abandoning me and the kids. I would sort it all out once home.

What an absolute prick..is there a kids club or anything? I feel so sorry for you that you cant get a break. Typical self centred man. Just ignore him, don't text him. He is being an utter asshole.

Report him missing? What would that achieve except traumatise the children when the Spanish police come to interview you and search the room to check if his passport, wallet etc is there. Seriously bad advice

DP is being a baby, you need to get rid of him.

Report him missing? What would that achieve except traumatise the children when the Spanish police come to interview you and search the room to check if his passport, wallet etc is there. Seriously bad advice

Except that’s probably what he actually wants.

Trolling? The OP herself is considering flying home.

Coping with a toddler and a challenging 4 year old while having a baby in a sling trying to push them in a buggy and fill plates, get drinks, while hoping no one takes your table as you make trips to and fro, getting them to sit and eat without running around, then having to do the same thing with desserts, is a totally different scenario to going through an airport knowing you're going home.

What do you think is going to happen at the airport?

Your username is certainly not you, dear. Arrogance in the extreme.

Just the thought of a man spending time doing his hair gives me the major ick.