FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

I'm looking forward to MiLs new partner popping his clogs, if I'm honest. He has to be the centre of attention at all times. Actual FiL also awful but he has serious physical and mental health problems, so I can't despise him wth a clear conscience.

This.

Have you considered installing electric fencing round the house? Would keep him out?

He sounds like he has zero social skills, sufficient awareness to feel awkward but not know why or fix it, so acts a twat to hide it, which makes him worse.

Either ND or, just brought up in such a sheltered manner that he never learned any social skills.

I agree with the options:

• Move, to the outer hebrides, moon, outer mongolia etc.
• Give him instructions - don't ask, tell. 'Here Brian, wash this up whilst I .... '
• Give him rules - knock first, if we don't answer we're out or too busy. Be quiet or piss off. Be useful, or piss off. You may be retired but we are not and we are not your entertainment centre.

(This should all come from your DH, its his Dad so his responsiblity).

God he sounds incredibly irritating. My mum would call this type of character ‘a bit simple’ but that doesn’t really cover it.

This really made me laugh 😂😂 thank you I needed it!
“Tales of his bashed bonce” 😂

see it sounds funny coming from someone else but with him … urgh

The MIL is throwing him out of the house every day to get some peace from him.

He walks into OP's house without asking on a daily basis, expecting to be entertained.

OP is effectively babysitting the Step FIL so that the MIL doesn't have to deal with him

That's not her responsibility.

She has her own children and her own life to deal with.

No one should intrude into someone's home without asking, on a daily basis and bang loudly on the window if the person has locked the door.

I volunteer in a local village shop, and can clearly recognise the type. We have several blokes, no doubt sent out by their wives to the shop for a few bits to give them a break from their inane mutterings. We all cringe when they walk in and find something to be busy with.
I try to see it as a service to the community - giving their families a short break, but they are so mind-numbly boring with their fake bonhomie. One chap is from Yorkshire and never fails to tell us he’s from God’s country and at what stage of ripening his tomatoes are - please give me the strength to continue being polite.

Just wear your underwear for the next few days and hopefully he feels uncomfortable enough to not come in.

Eh?

God, he sounds quite a lot like my FIL. Not necessarily a bad person, just really fucking irritating. Luckily mine lives with my MIL so he gets to irritate her all day long and I only have to see him a couple of times a month, but if MIL dies first, I have no doubt he’ll be round all the time giving me the rage with his stupid facial expressions and lame jokes and ‘factoids’.

For some reason I'm picturing him looking exactly like Ken Dodd, with that big gormless grin and wild hair.

There are some men like this...we had one 'character' who was always in the local shop being a loud unfunny twat. Every time he saw me with my son, he'd point to his bike and say, 'your chain's punctured'. People just rictus-grinned their way through the brief torment. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have such a person as a family member, when you can't just walk away.

You clearly have never met a truly annoying person. And he sounds incredibly thick skinned. So many sanctimonious saints on here.

Seriously - he bangs on the window, wakes the baby, let's himself in - and you think she is the rude one

I’m not blaming the OP. He is how he is, she is how she is. In life, people are different and you need to be able to get along with all sorts. She doesn’t need to spend time socialising him, but as her husband’s father, her children’s grandfather, she does need to learn to tolerate his presence without snapping. If the starting point for disliking someone is their face, life is going to be difficult.

Sounds like a right Colin Hunt!

Yes that is who I meant.

I think he invented the Boris persona after being bullied at school and even stopped using his real first name - Alexander - then evolved it at university

I can think of other examples, the common core seems to be loneliness/poor social skills and wanting an excuse to get away with bad behaviour

People that constantly perform a character and don't seem to have a sincere bone in their body are the absolute worst. Since you're seemingly stuck with him, I'd have to call him out on it.

"Quit with the performative stuff and just enter the house normally, John. There are not TV cameras, no canned laughter - just come in, sit down and say hello."

"I'm not too busy for a cuppa, but you're right - I don't have time to play along and be an audience in some sort of weird John mime show. You're doing it again, performing to me. It's weird."

"You don't have to put on a show, John. Just be you."

Every fucking time until he stopped.

I'm thinking elderly David Brent but worse.

My mother would call him a 'notice box'.

He doesnt sound that bad to me, just a bit dull. But I've always struggled more with malice than lack of social awareness.

Yes.