FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Why on earth would you think that behaviour like that is autism related!!?? That extremely insulting, to be honest.

Sorry you're dealing with this, OP. That would do my bonce in.

What else would it mean?

I didn't realize it was an unusual turn of phrase, it's not something I would say but I've always known what it means

Does he have dementia or another condition? This really sounds difficult, but has he always this annoying (what does your husband or MIL or other in laws say?)

Please read the ops posts. He's always been a cock.

If you're starting to wish you'd never married DH, can't you tell him this and say eother you all move away or you and the kids move away and he can live with them full time? I presume DH is at work all day and you have to put up with him? I hope you aren't going on holiday with him ever again! That do incident could have killed the dog, the owner if he'd gone in after the dog or the cattle. I'd have headbutted him!

At this point I'd tell dh that I was going no contact with his father and that he is not to come to the house again - Dh would have to visit them at theirs. You have to be quite blunt now - subtlety has no effect on him!

Don't think it's dementia, as OP has stated that he's always been like this, and he seems to have married and had children young, so he'd be what, early 60s at most? That's not to say he might not be developing the condition, which in addition to his existing problem personality, really would be hell on earth.

I feel your rage and I get it. My irritation used to fire up within 5 minutes of being in my FIL’s company but then I know he irritated the bejesus out of his sons too and my DH would tell him off.

Yours is so much worse. Can you tell him to only come when invited? Who cares if he’s offended.

Why on earth did your mother in law marry him? Did he inherit a fortune or something?
I would just tell him straight that he cannot come over without an invitation bevause you are just so busy and if he does dont let him in just repeat...and repeat.
Its best to be direct with peoe like this. They dont understand hints.

Why on earth did your mother in law marry him? Did he inherit a fortune or something?
I would just tell him straight that he cannot come over without an invitation because you are just so busy and if he does dont let him in just repeat...and repeat.
Its best to be direct with people like this. They dont understand hints.

Your DH needs to speak to his father and explain the impact on waking baby, banging on doors or walking in shouting. Your DH needs to set CLEAR boundaries with his dad.

You need to move

For some reason your examples of him really made me laugh, he seems totally absurd. It must be very stressful if he turns up every morning, so yes can you get your other half to make some rules, like he can't come by unannounced anymore, he can't let himself in, key is only for emergencies etc.

OP, your FIL maybe has something like Asperger Syndrome? Looks from my angle like he's trying to be nice and friendly, but just inept in social situations. I think it's innocence on his part, but I totally get why it's infuriating for you. Surely your DH can shed some light on this? I would put a stop to him being able to let himself in.

The incident with the dog was just stupidity.

Yes, this does people with Asperger Syndrome a bit of a disservice.

Oh god, I feel your irritation. Could you give him jobs to do in garden or something he could actually do without hassling you? Would you trust him to do something with kids for you? Least you'd be getting something out of it then.
Otherwise direct him to make himself a tea while you go fold laundry or hoover...
You have my sympathies. Good luck

You sound dafter than the FIL

My FIL used to drive me crazy with boredom telling the same stories over and over again, usually dragging out the agony with great long portentous pauses. They were mostly rubbish about how he won the war; pointing out that he was too young to fight and lived in an area which didn't see any bombing never seemed to stop him.

Eventually I learned to make sure I had a good book nearby and I would just relax and read, making the occasional "Mm" noise. It saved my sanity. Can you do anything like that, OP?

To get him out of your house you could encourage him into comedy. He could start a double act with an old Barbie doll as a ventriloquist dummy.

Billed as Fooker & Barbie, they could play the pubs and working men's clubs.

Fooker: (Blank stare with gormless grin)
Barbie: Why you grinning like dat?
Fooker: I'm not grinning, I'm grimacing! I've brayed me bonce! I've brayed me fooking bonce, 'aven't I our Barbie?
Barbie: 'E's grayed 'is gonce! 'E's grayed 'is hooking gonce!
Fooker: (Reaching for beer) There's only one thing for it, a bottle of beer...
Barbie: Gottle o' geer, gottle o' geer!
Fooker: (Drinks beer then spits and splutters) Lifeguard, lifeguard!
Barbie: Gifeguard, gifeguard! Gottle o' geer!