FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Your DH needs to tell him to stop calling around. His DM needs to get a divorce if she can't stand her own DH.

You need to set boundaries, and ask him to leave every single time

@Gallowayan @Paganpentacle
Oh yeah, sorry, I was being thick 😀
Must have brayed my own bonce 😂

He actually sounds a bit like me when I was 12. I’d try to be funny because I felt so awkward around other humans but obviously it was more weird than funny.

I learned and grew up though. Strange he hasn’t. He’d annoy me too but then I’d also have asked him to stop standing in the kitchen grinning like an imbecile.

Do you think he's mentally unwell? It doesn't sound like normal behaviour. Has he always been like that ?

Tell him the children need more routine, you can't have him just wandering in when he chooses, in future he can come just once a week at a defined time. Then arrange to be out when he's due.

YANBU. He sounds very annoying!!

What you have described would drive me up the wall. The thing is, his strategy has been successful because he bangs on the back door and you let him in. You need to set a firmer boundary and it will take him a while to adjust.

Minus to overly hyperbolic post and language. Nothing in your post is that annoying.

OP, your DH needs to tell his father that coming round every day is not OK; begging for lumps of cake is needy and unappealing behaviour, and in short, he should onky come round when expressly invited to do so. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and if you get a second shovel, I’ll help when finally you snap and it’s patio time.

He sounds an absolute clown, but why isn’t your DH having a word with him? He might have become largely immune to his dad’s idiocies eccentricities, but he surely can’t be unaware how it’s affecting you.

As an aside, I’m quite pleased to see “brayed” again - I don’t think I’ve heard it used in anger outside my primary school playground, and that was over 50 years ago. That doesn’t excuse FIL’s twattery, of course.

Just tell him to go away.

Attack is the best form of defence. You have to plan your offensive strategy, for example:

The moment he walks in, hand him a tea towel “here you are again FIL, dry these up and make us all mugs of tea” and walk out.

”here is child x , please him while I go upstairs for a minute”.

That sort of thing.

So funny that you are blaming the OP for this, when anyone else (ie anyone normal) would find this man absolutely awful.

Tell DH you are getting the house valued with a look to relocating to Cornwall or Stornoway just 100s of miles away unless he tells his Dickhead Dad to stop banging on the windows. If he does it again, lean out and tell him you're phoning the police for harrassment.

As for the lump of cake, I'd have forced that very hard into his stupid face.

I'm a bit warm and less tolerant than normal

Definitely read of this as dialect meaning a piece. Where was he brought up, OP?

OMG that would do my head in. Your DH needs to tell him he cannot just come round when he wants to especially if it is every day. It is just common courtesy and respect. I would be locking the door, shutting the blinds and ignoring him until he gets the message. I think you will need to be as upfront with him as your MIL is if she manages to throw him out every day to get some peace. He would annoy me too.

Also, put a sign up in the window he bangs on telling him to bugger off, but maybe in a smaller 4 letter word that rhymes with tuck.

e.g.

Tuck off Dave.
The baby/kids are asleep.
There is no cake.
Go home.

I think he believes himself to be a “card”. Just a witty eccentric who everyone’s delighted to see coming. He’ll need to be disabused of this notion by your dh.

You need to either kill him, or move far far away.

Or tell him how annoying he is and that he can’t pop in any more. He can bang on the window all he wants, you won’t let him in. Hopefully he will be so outraged and offended he will never speak to you again?

So sorry. I would have blown my top ages ago.

He sounds funny. Sorry. He sounds like he doesnt really know how to relate to you. Is he a bit eccentric ?

open window. Say shut up and go away. Close window.

He sounds extremely irritating. I have a relative who is similar right down to the standing there staring and grinning and repeating the same thing over and over thinking he's hilarious. The thing is, it's really hard to explain to anyone who doesn't witness it because he sounds harmless and not malicious. But I get it. Especially if it's every bloody day!

The shouting and barging in uninvited would really annoy me, you need to knock those on the head somehow. Can you ask your MIL for tips on how she gets him to leave (his own house) when he's annoying her?

I'm proud that I managed to interpret "brayed my bonce" though. Banged my head - is that right?

Find him a job to do. He could paint the fence or mow the lawn surely? Then pop out with a cup of tea and ask him how he’s doing.

Is he OP's dad or step-dad?

If he own wife doesn't want him in her house, you definitely shouldn't have to put up with him turning up so early every single day. He sounds really odd and annoying.

Oh hell, he’s not even related to any of you? Cast the fucker into the sea then.