FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

tell your partner to deal with his father. Keep your doors shut. If he bangs on windows, close the curtains. Stop tolerating.

YANBU

he sounds like a right prick

I bet your MIL if she’s still around is glad when he goes out

unfortunately if he’s always been such an arse he is unlikely to change.

I’m sorry but I would have to kill him. There is no way I’d ever put up with someone just coming round to my house and expecting to be let in. I’d make sure it wasn’t worth their while.

Boundaries. You don’t like him anyway, he isn’t related to you, his own wife throws him out. Just tell him to go away. And lock the door.

I know someone at work with the same mannerisms. He has an acquired brain injury. I wonder if FIL has something similar.

Have you ever thought about telling him to fuck off and not come back?

Grief, this sounds like a nightmarish 90’s sitcom Harry Enfield character 😳 (the one we’d all change channel when they entered the scene 😬)

You have the entirety of the world of sympathies OP

I have been you at times, my DF God love im is, on the same spectrum…

Ooo that's a cruel prediction 🤔😁

RE the stupid dialect
literally nobody I know talks like this and we all grew up in the same city. He massively exaggerates “local dialect” for what he sees as comic effect. Never in my life have I heard anyone say “I’ve brayed my bonce” or anything remotely similar. He worked away when he was working and I suspect he exaggerated the accent and dialect to make himself look funny/interesting.

It's only meee!!

You have my complete sympathy OP, I suffer the same FIL is a man child attention seeker. Drives me absolutely crazy. Tries to make himself the center of attention even at our wedding/babies christening etc. Infact he stormed out of the christening because he wasn't getting enough attention. This is bad but what is worse is my husband doesn't even remark at his mental behaviour as he is so immune to it. Now I find I just am completely rude in order to keep him at arms length, then I start to feel guilty. In all honesty if I knew how bad he was I would never have married his son.

Well he failed miserably on both counts as he sounds neither funny nor interesting. He does sound like a total twat though.

How is he getting into your house? Fences and a strong gate should keep him out.
Also your DH will need to tell him that he cannot just turn up in your house or at your windows because you need privacy. Just finding him standing in the kitchen unannounced would have me reaching for the bread knife tbh. Creepy.

Why not just say hi when he comes in? I assume he thinks you don't mind him coming over but waits for you to acknowledge his presence. You could tell him to knock before walking in. Why didn't you get him edited out of the wedding video or at least just have a few seconds of him pouring wine? He sounds a little odd but harmless.

Does he have some kind of condition or something? This is all just so weird!

I’m with Contractor Question. He sounds a bit weird but not worth getting yourself all worked up about surely? So he called a piece of cake a lump? So what?

He sounds like one of those twits who self styles themselves as 'a bit of character' to cover up the fact that they have no social skills whatsoever and go through life performing their invented absurd persona and expecting everyone else to accommodate them

I have no idea how you get through to these morons

Yes. What age is he? And has he always been like this? Presumably women have formed relationships with him in the past, now his partner finds him deeply annoying too. Quite seriously, I'd fear there was something wrong or going wrong with his brain or his mind. All sounds very odd.

never heard of “brayed my bonce” and who the fuck talks about a lump of cake? What a dickhead

he was giving me horrible Tony from Friday Night Dinner vibes but the Harry Enfield comparison is bang on

OP is probably in the position where she can’t for her kids sake, they probably love him and think he’s funny. To cut ties would be to cut off a grandfather from her DC. A hard situation and being so close in terms of distance too

FIL is mentally deficient somehow. The behaviour you are describing is annoying, intrusive and abnormal. Your husband and MIL need to step up to deal with this problem; it isn't yours and will only get worse.

Even the kids bugger off upstairs if they hear him come in. He had a habit of walking in and standing there with his hands out and that stupid fucking grin holding out multiple chocolate bars. Not saying anything - just standing there like a fucking character off a kids tv program (or a don’t talk to strangers advert!)
I put a stop to that so he started doing it with £5 notes. God he annoys me so much, this is another trait of his … pretending that he’s rich. He isn’t.

That’s exactly how I feel. I actually regret marrying him. He won’t move away as his parents would be too upset 🤦‍♀️

Has he always been like this?

He obviously loves company and wants to be liked but this feels like it goes beyond just being a bit socially awkward. It sounds as though he must have undiagnosed something.

You really don't see how it would be annoying for someone to let themselves into your house at random times? Because that would drive me absolutely insane. He sounds very annoying indeed to me, I don't think it's the OP's fault at all.

@Sovereigns do you think you could be a little more understanding?
To clarify I'm teasing.
I liked the comparison to a stranger danger advert.😁🤣