FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

Anyway the OP has a non problem. Just tell him when he can visit and that it isn’t convenient that he comes round daily.

Maybe you need to put yourself in the place of a woman pushed to the edge of sanity by an infuriating, toxic and entitled relative. Ffs.

Nobody appears to have said:
"Please don't let yourself into the house."
"Please text before coming over."
"The mornings don't work for us."
Without those boundaries, every visit became another deposit in the resentment bank until you reached the point where even his grin, voice, and mannerisms felt intolerable.
Establish some boundaries.

And if he ignores that and continues to turn up at the door or knocking on the windows, what does she do then?

OP's characterisation of this man doesn't exactly make him sound reasonable and responsive to requests.

This!
My FIL is like an obnoxious 2 year old who is still having temper tantrums. Everyone pussyfoots around him so he still does it in his 70s. I didn’t put up with it. He doesn’t pull that shit with me. My DH still says it’s the first time he’s ever seen his dad apologise for anything. Everyone is kind of awestruck.

OP I really feel for you, this would drive me insane.

I would lock the doors, lock any gate to stop him coming round the back and ignore him, every single time.

If he still kept this nonsense up, I’d have to tell him myself that nobody thinks he’s funny.

Good luck!

It might be one thing if he was annoying but good natured but he also sounds aggressive and horrible.

But so far he hasn’t had that opportunity. Clear communication is key, as it so often is.

It seems that he's always been like this. So, just an arsehole.

Have you read all OP's posts? The one about his behaviour on their holiday is particularly instructive and demonstrates that he isn't just a bit of an annoying buffoon. He deliberately put two complete strangers' dog plus a field full of cattle in danger and then squared up to the owner of the dog to start a physical fight. He sounds like a malevolent narcissist.

I'm inclined to bray my own bonce at the number of people who haven't even read the OP's posts before saying something. Or theirs.

Colin Hunt.

Nailed-on dead ringer!

OMG he sounds like my late FIL on acid. He was known as a ‘character’.

Jesus OP he sounds a nightmare. Is it possible to tell him exactly what your thoughts are and putting some very firm boundaries in place?

This is why I’ve always said that a short car drive is best for living near family. A distance nobody would ever consider walking but still close

I'm glad you clarified as I was actually envisaging the cleaning kind! 😂

Bless him, funny Grandad, brayed his bonce and doesn't want to miss out on his lump.

I suspect part of it is these men were influenced by the Goons and other radio shows and these comedic tropes (?) come from there.

I hadn't thought of it like that! This guy does seem to be an extreme example, though, so a bit unfair to blame Spike and co.

He sounds like an idiot, but nobody is qualified to diagnose a narcissist the internet.

Disclaimer - haven't read all

Just tell him. No discussion, no argument. Just facts. Choose 2 mornings he can come round. Tell him those specific mornings. Tell him he won't be coming in any other morning unless it's an emergency. Tell him his weird behaviour is disturbing and needs to be controlled when in your house. Tell him he needs to act like a normal person if he wants to interact with you and the family.

Ideally, your DH should do this but he sound flaky so it's up to you.

Tell him you and the family want to have a positive happy relationship but the way things are, you can't. Tell him straight. His behaviour is distressing, frustrating, unnecessary and just weird and you are no longer willing to accept it.

Good luck

How’ve you been getting on OP - I’m assuming he’s made more than one visit since your last post?

Oh God, you're not in jail are you OP?

You need to tell him that his behaviour is embarrassing. He needs to be aware that he is not camp comedian, that people don't like his behaviour and it caused people to be glad he was retiring. Also going in shops and just looking at people is weird and makes people deeply uncomfortable.

The letting the dog delibratly into the field of cattle was criminal and the Police should have been called. I have heard of instances where the farmer has quite legally shot dogs for going into their fields. That would finish my relationship with him.
Honestly this man does not see himself as others see him. He needs to be told firmly about his behaviour. If it does not stop I would go no contact with him and tell my husband he has to go to their house to see him.
He is just a attention seeking fool at the moment, but some of the things he has done in the past show he is weird, not liked, attention seeking, but ultimately could be dangerous. You need to say something now and mean it before he gets worse.

No 😂 just dealing with the aftermath of yet another day of hell with PILs

jail is sounding pretty good right now, I’d request no visitors 😂