FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

[Sovereigns]

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

He's obviously not the full ticket is he

Is he autistic/ADHD or both by any chance because he sounds it - he's missing the social cues; he's impulsive; saying inappropriate/ ridiculous things; the pulling of silly faces all the time.
The thing is, it needs to be spelled out to ND people - I have a ND hubby and a ND child.

I'm sorry OP, he may be the most annoying person I've ever heard described and I would have fully lost my shit with him - followed by his son - years ago. What an irritating fucking pig. No advice, just sympathy. I'd probably get divorced just to get away from him at this point, if I hadn't already dropped dead of a rage-induced aneurysm.

Give him jobs to do everytime he turns up. “There you are FIL, I have left the rubbish for you to take out, the washing up, mowing the lawn…” you won’t see his arse for dust

Exactly. It doesn't sound "normal" so I was wondering bot only about autism as in being socially unaware or dementia.

Just to say I feel your pain - my (thankfully ex) MIL was like this, would pitch up for an entire weekend (they only lived half hour away) with stupid phrases and expect to be waited on hand and foot. Even her accent annoyed me 😂

He seems lonely and probably bored.
Can you find some jobs for him to do?

Just start calling him Colin https://fastshow.fandom.com/wiki/Colin_Hunt

Well, he seems to have been like this for many years. He's not going to change. You have no control over what he does, but you can control what you do. If you can, move away.
If you don't want to move then you have you make it as difficult as possible for him to access your house. Put up blinds you can close if he stands outside the window. Your poor mother-in-law.

You need to give him a list of jobs. When he does them you will feed him. Not before. He might run off. Or you might get your Diy done. Win win.

Either insist that your FIL phones and checks it's OK to visit, or set a regular day and time that is convenient to you, when he can pop over unannounced. I am a MIL and would not dream of just turning up without checking my son does not already have plans. Your FIL sounds like a real juvenile t**t.Your DH should really have a chat with him, your FIL is acting inappropriately, you do not need to accept this behaviour!!!

You sound like a joy. Seriously, it sounds like YOU are the isdue. His face upsets you????

Seriously OP I totally understand. I have a brother in law who sounds like his double, I wanted to smack him in the face when I first met him & after 35 years I still do. Just looking at him gives me the rage & the ick at the same time. He's DH's bil too & when after the first time I met him, I said Jesus Christ that man is unbearable. DH was flabbergasted as he thought it was just him been less tolerant as the twat was engaged to his little sister. He is vile when we go to anything, has to be centre of attention, practically pouts of people don't find him funny or pander to him. He has calmed down with us now, after when he was been particularly twatish & was unusually alone with me- no kids or anyone else to overhear. I gave him both barrels & told him exactly what I thought of him & his behaviour. To pack it in, with lots of expletives & told him DH & I would not tolerate it any longer. I also told him I thought he was a see you next tuesday🙈 which to be fair I'm not proud of, but it was that or punch him in the face, again not proud of just thinking that either. He's still a twat, but when we are around he either avoids us or behaves, which still drives me mad, as it means he just does it on purpose. His own son now late 20s finds him unbearable!! You have my deepest sympathy

You have obviously been very lucky & not come across one of this type of person in the wild... If you had you would understand

He sounds like that Hale and Pace sketch Mr Popular 😁

He sounds grim. Really grim.
You need to stop him accessing your home. Gates? Locked doors? Closed blinds and curtains?
You also need a serious discussion with your DH. He needs to put some boundaries in place before he ends up an ex DH. Or he needs to agree to move.

I feel for you as my FIL sounds very, very, very similar. I detest him more than any other human alive. And on top of that I actually think deep down he's a really bad person. Anyway... my DH's whole family are so tolerant of him that it's made me the bad guy for setting boundaries. Be ready for that. I kind of resent them all now as they're all complicit in his behaviour whereas if they'd all stop bitching behind his back and just say to him 'Oh FFS Steve stop being so annoying we all HATE IT' then I wouldn't look like an unreasonable outsider when I set boundaries.

But you do have to set those boundaries I'm afraid. You need to say to him that you and DH have decided you don't want unexpected visitors and can he please contact you to ask if he can come round. Your children have every right to feel safe and undisturbed in their own home. They shouldn't have to go upstairs to get away from an unpleasant man. Do it for your kids.

Just tell him not to come around every day. Keep your doors locked and tell him to phone you or hubby first before homing to your house.

Does he drink? He sounds like some alcholic!

He sounds like he’s from a different period. I’m picturing the simple Ben character from du Maurier’s Rebecca.

“She’s gone in the sea ain’t she….she won’t come back n’more.”

Not even for a lump of cake.

Could you lend him out as an extra on a costume drama?

@Worldinyourhands interesting, why do you say that you intuitively feel that deep down your Fil's a very bad man? Intuition isn't always right but it's there for a reason and it's a serious warning.

The OP's FiL is clearly not just a harmless buffoon. That business of handing out fivers like he's creepily trying to have all the little children running to him, and even more when he's encouraging someone to nut him after behaving so crazy irresponsibly, and the mess with the fence, damaging neighbourly relations.... there's more than buffoonery going on here. There's something nasty.

It's what he's doing, with his face and the rest of him that's the issue.

I thought so too. I can’t get over the swearing…

He sounds like my dad, who I strongly suspect is autistic. He also refers to food as "lumps" of whatever and becomes fixated on making sure he has his bit of whatever it is available - almost binge eats. Doesn't pick up on social cues - ie would definitely just stand in the kitchen, in the way. Recently started asking me about my holiday plans when he'd turned up unannounced and I was obviously in the middle of a work crises. No advice really, just to say it's not you, and it's not easy - you have my sympathy!

My husband's father is so like this, an absolutely staggering pain in the arse. Sadly, as well as being a 'look at me!' dicksplash he's also a malignant turd. Thankfully he's out of our lives now, and no, we don't miss him. The prick.