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AIBU?

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FIL - I can’t bare him and his stupid behaviour and I’m close to exploding

650 replies

Sovereigns · 03/08/2026 14:51

I feel like I’m going to snap. I’ve name changed as I’ve spoken to a few people in real life about this and it would be obvious who I am.

My father in law - I’ve never liked him. I don’t know what it is, he has the most annoying face and stupid expressions. He always has to be centre of attention. On our wedding day the person doing the video went over to him and he just stared into it with a stupid grin slowly opening a bottle of wine and it completely ruined the video as it’s so, so annoying. Everyone says so, it’s not just me.

During the summer holidays he’s taken it upon himself to visit every morning to see the kids (unfortunately he only lives a short walk away). He lets himself in through the back door and then just stands there in the kitchen grinning, not saying anything. I’ve started just completely ignoring him until he walks in and speaks like a normal person.

Thing is I can feel myself boiling over with rage. On Friday he came in, stood there not speaking so I ignored him and he suddenly shouted “I’ve Brayed my Bonce!” Baby was asleep, woke up in shock, started crying and I was so annoyed I just snapped and said “Right. Why did you come here then?” Whilst I saw to the baby.

On Saturday DH made a big carrot cake and FIL came in and shouted “where’s my lump?”. DH said we’re not cutting it yet. Later that evening he rang up saying “don’t forget I want a lump”.

Yesterday morning he came around and said “when am I getting my lump?” So I snapped and said “DH will you just cut him some cake please, I’m getting sick of hearing about the fucking thing”. He winds me up more than anyone I have ever met. I’m getting annoyed just writing this post.

This morning he came in - stood in the kitchen grinning with his arm outstretched holding the tub the cake was put in so I snapped “what??? Just put it on the side!! What are you just stood there with it for??”

he put it down and said “right, I assume you’re busy so I’ll leave you to it” and left. Now I’m thinking is it me??

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · Yesterday 00:08

SevenYellowHammers · 04/08/2026 10:28

I have a husband, 18 years my senior, and he has some odd traits. I do get irritated, like the OP.

EVERY morning, without fail, he says “Chuck the milk over.” And I swear one day I will do just that.

He tries to engage me in conversation but as soon as I start to speak, he interrupts and talks over me, so I give up.

He can do some DIY well but more often doesn’t or leaves it half done.

Yesterday, I cleared 3 bin bags of rubbish (he chomps on sweets constantly) from his car and removed the bits of dead Christmas tree that has been there since January. Actually, my car, both are mine, I let him use one.

He does very little round house except to cook a huge breakfast on Sunday, which I spend rest of day clearing up.

He tries to run my finances and plan any holidays and trips I take.

He has cluttered my house with folders of old sheet music and vinyl LPs, which he collate details of on index cards and then never looks at again.

He says things like: “what are you doing today? Haven’t you better get a move on?”

He pretends to be asleep if jobs need doing and then when I’ve done them, says: “I was going to do that!”

He makes random shouting noises: “Right!” “Good!”

If I hang washing out, he says: “it won’t dry out there!” Even in this weather .

He watches crime shows constantly on TV and if I move round house, he pauses it because he can’t hear if I am “ banging about.”

He fights with inanimate objects and everything is a “Bloody thing”.

Describing his driving would be a thread of its own, suffice to say, I refuse to get in car if he’s driving. It’s terrifying.

I don’t know why some older men are such hard work. I guess they were raised in a patriarchal society and it changed. And maybe, like older women often say, they feel invisible and have to crash about to get noticed. It’s a bit sad really.

What’s even the point of being married to some awful bloke you can’t stand?

halfpastten · Yesterday 00:12

Those are very small annoyances. Lock your door, get the video edited and chose your attitude. If your DH and DC love their dad/granddad then wise up and stop building something out of nothing.

Oneday24 · Yesterday 00:27

to all those mocking his choice of words, it’s perfectly normal terminology for where I am in Yorkshire. Bonce is head and he’s clearly asking for a slice (lump) of cake. Im sure you have valid reasons for being annoyed OP but he genuinely seems like abit of an eccentric character and is probably trying to be funny. It’s quite normal for us to walk in family and friends homes so I don’t find that unusual and think it’s nice he wants to see the grandkids.

Francestein · Yesterday 00:35

Honestly, can we stop medicalising people we’ve never met based on a paragraph or two?

Also, suppose this tit DID have something diagnosable, he/MIL should have looked into it years ago and done something about it instead of just batting him over to OP’s for her to deal with. OP has kids of her own and shouldn’t be expected to supervise a fully grown adult as well. MIL, DH and FIL are all selfish pricks.

I honestly think this behaviour is so engrained that OP is going to have to move quite some distance away, which of course runs the risk of extended visits (*shudder) OR make him totally uncomfortable at her house. Set some very clear boundaries. Let him know that he is to call first and ask if it suits OP to have him drop around. No more than twice a week (or whatever OP chooses). Just like dog training, whenever there is boundary stomping, OP should make it clear. “Wayne, we’ve asked you to call first. You can’t come in.” No justification other than - he didn’t call and that’s the consequence. “Wayne, don’t bang on the windows. If you do that again, I’m going to yell at you.” Then when he does it “I told you not to bang on my fucking windows, Wayne! Go home!” and “Wayne, this is not your house. I don’t want you intruding on my family or going through our things. Learn some manners or we will not let you in.”
*BTW, I would make sure that his visits are only allowed when DH is around to deal with this shit. Maybe even leave DH to manage kids and FIL and go out for the day. See how he likes it.
The softly, softly approach isn’t working. It’s actually facilitated his behaviour.
Time to roar @Sovereigns (and expect pushback from MIL & DH.)

PrestonHood121 · Yesterday 00:52

Tell him he can stop by once a week. Othwerwise, the door is locked and you are getting on with your morning.

echt · Yesterday 01:05

halfpastten · Yesterday 00:12

Those are very small annoyances. Lock your door, get the video edited and chose your attitude. If your DH and DC love their dad/granddad then wise up and stop building something out of nothing.

There's always one. Quite a few on this thread, to be fair.

EvieBB · Yesterday 02:43

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 15:54

You really don't see how it would be annoying for someone to let themselves into your house at random times? Because that would drive me absolutely insane. He sounds very annoying indeed to me, I don't think it's the OP's fault at all.

Exactly! I sometimes nip downstairs in the morning semi naked to grab something....imagine having your fil just stood there grinning having let himself in!! YANBU OP!

EvieBB · Yesterday 02:46

Tomomomatoes · 04/08/2026 20:04

Just start calling him Colin https://fastshow.fandom.com/wiki/Colin_Hunt

😂

WhatsUpWithGene · Yesterday 05:04

echt · Yesterday 01:05

There's always one. Quite a few on this thread, to be fair.

It’s because people rush to comment without reading all the OP’s posts even when there have been multiple updates or the thread has moved on completely.

I really don’t understand why people bother just commenting on the OP when the thread is several pages long because it means they are almost certainly repeating something that’s already been said or the OP has added more context that means the discussion has moved on.

There is also the “be kind” brigade who are just contrary and are insistent that they are wonderful kind people but don’t demonstrate that in their post to the OP at all.
Someone could post that a burglar has broken into their house, stolen everything and wrote their name in shit on the wall and there will always be someone who comments something like:
”Maybe they are homeless with mental health problems, you should let them keep the stuff they have stolen from you and then offered them your shower and spare room for the night and given them your savings. I would because I’m a kind hearted person and not heartless towards someone who clearly is neurodivergent”.

There was a thread earlier where the OP didn’t want to let all her family use her second home that she didn’t rent out and saw as an actual family home and not a holiday home.
She was ripped to pieces by people who insisted they would let anyone use their second home whenever they wanted.
I bet they wouldn’t if they were actually faced with that scenario.

Another was when the neighbours child was constantly throwing things over the fence and shouting her name and giving her no peace at all.
People were saying the child must be lonely and it was her job to “socialise them” and she was mean and awful for not finding it adorable and cute.

I know this is a bit of a rant and I’m way too invested but I’ve been seriously ill and spent too long online.
I’m in pain and crabby but I do find it irritating this insistence on defending bad behaviour so you are “being kind” both online and in real life.

It’s always women expected to smile and let things go and tolerate things that men wouldn’t be expected to.

Chickadee001 · Yesterday 05:55

Has he seen his GP recently? This sort of annoying, immature, attention seeking behaviour may be indicative of a form of dementia in which case it needs investigating.

lifeisgoodrightnow · Yesterday 07:00

Jesus, I wanted to say you are bu but you are really really not, he sounds like a complete w ⚓️ and like he actually enjoys making people uncomfortable. Psychopath.

all I can suggest is you get you family far away and until your DH is rested and clear away from this behaviour he may not see it fully as he’s had it his whole life. Your poor Mil and DH and you x

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · Yesterday 07:38

Ive Just got an image of a Nigel Farage frogfaced grinder in my head when I imagine him, with a bow tie.

Words must be had.

TheAverageJoanne · Yesterday 08:13

Oneday24 · Yesterday 00:27

to all those mocking his choice of words, it’s perfectly normal terminology for where I am in Yorkshire. Bonce is head and he’s clearly asking for a slice (lump) of cake. Im sure you have valid reasons for being annoyed OP but he genuinely seems like abit of an eccentric character and is probably trying to be funny. It’s quite normal for us to walk in family and friends homes so I don’t find that unusual and think it’s nice he wants to see the grandkids.

I've lived all my life in Yorkshire and never heard anyone say that.

QueenCamillaMW · Yesterday 08:37

Oneday24 · Yesterday 00:27

to all those mocking his choice of words, it’s perfectly normal terminology for where I am in Yorkshire. Bonce is head and he’s clearly asking for a slice (lump) of cake. Im sure you have valid reasons for being annoyed OP but he genuinely seems like abit of an eccentric character and is probably trying to be funny. It’s quite normal for us to walk in family and friends homes so I don’t find that unusual and think it’s nice he wants to see the grandkids.

But he's saying it for effect.

I understand as my Dad does a similar thing. Walks in saying things like 'sithee' or 'alright lad' in a fake Lancashire accent. Asking, again in a fake accent, 'is that a smoothie?' about a drink, knowing full well that it is, but wanting to appear like an honest, no nonsense Northener who doesn't hold with all this new fangled rubbish.

Drives me fucking mental.

(I dodged the smoothie question by pretending I had never heard the word before so didn't know😆)

Sereine · Yesterday 09:16

I’ve even said to DH why does he just stand there not saying anything?? It’s weird!!

Have you tried asking your FIL direct?

I must say, in your shoes I'd have moved away years ago. I thought my FIL was very annoying, but at least we lived 150 miles away.

BeanQuisine · Yesterday 09:44

Sereine · Yesterday 09:16

I’ve even said to DH why does he just stand there not saying anything?? It’s weird!!

Have you tried asking your FIL direct?

I must say, in your shoes I'd have moved away years ago. I thought my FIL was very annoying, but at least we lived 150 miles away.

He might tap his nose and whisper, "I've not got a speaking role in this sketch, lass", and continue standing and grinning.

Gossipisgood · Yesterday 09:57

InterestedDad37 · 03/08/2026 15:00

What does "I've brayed my bonce" mean?
He sounds likey sister's ex-husband, possibly the most annoying person ever to have walked this earth.

I've banged my head

BauhausOfEliott · Yesterday 10:06

I think I’d lose all attraction to my partner if he expected me to put up with a relative who behaved like this absolute berk does.

SevenYellowHammers · Yesterday 10:12

What’s that ancient sitcom where old Yorkshire men go around annoying people? Perhaps it’s really a thing? Does MIL kick FIL out so she can scrub her step or something and he gets bored? I realise I’m being horribly regionist here!

TheQueenOfEverything · Yesterday 11:52

I find ear buds very useful for this there were a few annoying liveries where my horse was that would walk over and want to talk drivel, one used to literally stand in the doorway of the stable so I was basically trapped in my horses own stable.

I learnt ear buds and just a quick wave stopped them bothering me.

TheQueenOfEverything · Yesterday 11:53

I mean music ear buds not the cleaning kind

Lins77 · Yesterday 12:13

QueenCamillaMW · Yesterday 08:37

But he's saying it for effect.

I understand as my Dad does a similar thing. Walks in saying things like 'sithee' or 'alright lad' in a fake Lancashire accent. Asking, again in a fake accent, 'is that a smoothie?' about a drink, knowing full well that it is, but wanting to appear like an honest, no nonsense Northener who doesn't hold with all this new fangled rubbish.

Drives me fucking mental.

(I dodged the smoothie question by pretending I had never heard the word before so didn't know😆)

Yes - I'm sure OP mentioned somewhere that he puts on an exaggerated local accent for "humour" purposes. The hilarity!

TrishM80 · Yesterday 12:52

SevenYellowHammers · Yesterday 10:12

What’s that ancient sitcom where old Yorkshire men go around annoying people? Perhaps it’s really a thing? Does MIL kick FIL out so she can scrub her step or something and he gets bored? I realise I’m being horribly regionist here!

Last of the summer wine

SevenYellowHammers · Yesterday 13:17

TrishM80 · Yesterday 12:52

Last of the summer wine

Dear lord yeah “entertainment”

mumumental · Yesterday 13:25

BettyJoanPerske · 03/08/2026 18:00

This. I would lure him into a field with an angry bull and let nature take its course.

You need to get a grip of yourself. It’s one insult after another from you. Calm down, ffs.