Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

[Su9]

Are there no group rules here about swearing, bring unkind, basic courtesy?
Is there no admin or moderator, or is this the kind of group everyone wants and the admin is facilitating?
There are some great responses that offer food for thought, while several others are plain ugly.
People presumably write in for support and advice, so how on earth do they feel when people chuck these ugly retorts?
I'm deciding whether to leave or stay.

Fucking hell I'm doing well on here today, I think I need an early night.

It can be - I have received huge support from a group of wonderful MNers who I consider friends. Some of us meet up every so often, and we share the ups and downs of daily life.

I think you take what you want from MN. I think of it as a reflection of society - some people are very affluent, others poor. Some value highly nuanced debate, others the passing of the time of day. Some swear, some don't. I do think that the anonymity allows people to post in ways they probably wouldn't if they were tied to a username.

If we dont help people see how their poor choices have led to their current situation, they tend to keep on making more of the same poor choices.

Eg the tiresome threads where people are in overcrowded housing & have had more kids while living there. It is totally relevant to flag up the cause and effect so that they stop having even more kids.

It's a funny place I find. I got told off by a poster the other day for swearing - I used the the word shite 😲

But then I had a peek at another forum the other day and posters were congratulating someone on their new pup. A French bulldog x cocker spainel. Not once did anyone ask what the fuck were you thinking? On MN they would have. And I'm glad about that.

Can you point me in the direction of that thread @MeanyOwen? I would be interested to read it.

Mumsnet is extremely polarised on many issues. There’s little or no reasoned debate, and respecting others’ views: or it’s a condescending “but you do you”. Many posters say “my view is the only correct one, everyone who disagrees is insane, deluded, etc.”
There are certain discussions which always descend into bunfights, sometimes in the first few minutes:
Shoes off in the house.
Whether ghosts exist.
Believing in God. (Key words here are deluded, imaginary friend, indoctrinated.)
Cats shitting in my garden, when they should be kept indoors or on leads.
Cats in general.
Dogs in cafes.
Workmen shitting in my toilet. (MN is weirdly obsessed with toilets and shit.)
Anybody shitting in the en-suite.
Reform.

I expect many mumsnetters are keyboard bashing late into the night (which preaching the evils of screens to their kids), saying “I can’t come to bed, someone is WRONG on AIBU”.

Mumsnet can be a really horrible place sometimes; it’s a place where parents frequently refer to children as “little shits” (another shit obsession).

And breathe.

2926 😆😆

I don’t think it’s school kids. They couldn’t be arsed with Mumsnet. I think it’s bored school teachers 😉

In reality many people swear as part of a sentence so will type out as such and that's the whole point of a forum, giving opions from all.

Also, it does feel a bit exhilarating to let out an expletive that you wouldn't normally do in real life. My Mum has never sworn but accepts curse words are spoken by other people and it's not an issue.

If you're so offended then try to find a site that excludes any profanity.

Potentially, but i notice this as a general social shift. When quality of life keeps deteriorating (cost of living, perceived bleak future, crambling infrastructure, you name it) knee-jerk reactions become more common, people are less patent, angrier ,etc etc.

I still use this IRL 😂

AIBU is one of the more popular topics to post on.
It can be a free for all and get quite heated up, it's part of why it's so popular.
You have to go check out Chat or one of the more specialised topics.
They are generally more low-key with posters looking into that particular area because they're interested in reading posts from those who have problems or questions that posters can relate to.
Therefore they're able to offer their considered opinion and support in a non combative tone.

I can look. But why?

what an ignorant thing to say.

Do you really think that people aspire to be poor?

You yourself are only an accident or illness away from being in need of help which wasn’t caused by ‘poor choices’.

I think mumsnet is pretty tame, until you start fucking around with hedgehog holes. Then you'll get your arse handed to you. And rightly so.

There are definitely posters on AIBU who are probably miserable with their own lives and enjoy being spiteful to others because they’re bitter people.

There’s funny posts though and beauty, cleaning and pets- if you live in aibu you’ll see very angry people who’ve obviously been through difficult times and are taking it out on the op (or more often the partner they’re telling us about). Mn has helped me in so many ways, definitely stay!

Oh MN is definitely not tame, as a female who plays video games and frequents some messages boards like gamefaqs (I'm 40 so I still use the old boards) we here on MN could trade blows for levels of toxicity sometimes.

Bloody love this post because it's so frigging spot on 😆 🤣 every bit!!

Hi, sorry I had a quick look but can’t find it. If anybody is better with searching these things than I am maybe they could help! It was one I think from last year where the poster was struggling with the appalling ventilation in her tower block flat and her baby was unwell. And then she updated it recently because it came to light that the whole block was being investigated and was in the national press because of how dangerous the whole setup was. I felt really sorry for her.

Yet people berated her for not being rich enough to move out. It was unpleasant.

Many can't even read carefully (or comprehend?) the Original Post 😂.

I would stay off AIBU OP, if you are unused to unfiltered opinions. Some people in AIBU go too far in not remembering there's a real person at the other end, some are just dickheads, but in general MN is known for its honesty. It can teach you a lot about your own reactions to criticism.

Stick to some of the other Topics and you'll be fine

edited for typos

Responses do vary but i've found the nasty stuff to be minimal.It does happen though.
Most responses seem kind and thoughtful.
I think online responses are always somewhat uninhibited ,that can sometimes be brutal and sometimes useful.
As for swearing ,yes theres a bit of that.
You can ask MNHQ to remove things that are beyond the pale and breach guidelines .
Wether it's for you or not only you can decide.

I disagree. There is nothing they can do to change what has already happened. Advice on how to change or improve their life going forward would be mire useful.

Mumsnet is just a microcosm of life. You get lots of poster who are informed, supportive and well intentioned when giving advice and equally gracious and open minded when seeking and receiving feedback/advice on here.

Equally, there’s quite a number of uninformed, ignorant, judgemental, highly opinionated and bombastic posters who comment on posts, as well as those who, despite seeking opinions, when answers aren’t going their way, become combative, very defensive and at times rude.

Frankly in any aspect of society you’ll get a mix of good, bad and everything in between. Maybe this being an anonymous internet forum, there’s just a higher proportion of keyboard warriors, wind up merchants and extreme arseholes; all happy to type something here that they’d likely never say to someone’s face.

Exactly.

Of course not. Ive been poor. But there's poverty from bad luck, and there's making abso-fucking-lutely bad choices, over and over, and then not liking where they land you.

No one gripes at the poster with 3 kids who's now in temporary housing because her business failed & her DH got a chronic disease and now cant work. That OP will probably get sympathy & good advice. Often that poster is already making sensible choices.

People gripe/get frustrated at the poster who has never really worked, is in a tiny council flat with 3 kids and seems bemused that no one is going to simply provide a bigger home for them. You'll even get the same poster back 18m later having had another DC.

This is a forum for adults. I expect adults to be accountable for their own choices.