Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

[Su9]

Are there no group rules here about swearing, bring unkind, basic courtesy?
Is there no admin or moderator, or is this the kind of group everyone wants and the admin is facilitating?
There are some great responses that offer food for thought, while several others are plain ugly.
People presumably write in for support and advice, so how on earth do they feel when people chuck these ugly retorts?
I'm deciding whether to leave or stay.

it can be a mix at times, i prefer the proper educational debates

You should probably leave if you find it shocking. There is quite unique modding based on whether someone has reported a post or not.

Querying the motives behind or veracity of a post (aka Troll Hunting) appears to be pretty much the number one sin when posting on MN and will get you gone in a flash.

Those were the days 😊👍

There was a post recently with a mum worried about the searing heat in her high rise flat and how it was affecting her baby’s health. She got some good advice. But others were haranguing her for having a council flat, calling her entitled, demanding she and her partner find better jobs. It was just so mean and unnecessary. That kind of thing irritates the hell out of me.

When people talk about a 'pile on' do they just just mean quite a few individuals disagree with the OP? Its quite unlikely those posters have deliberately combined together to 'pile on'.

My pet peeve is posters berating the OP for having got into the difficult position they are in. It's not as if they can go back in time and live their life again. Disagreeing is perfectly OK though.

l have been here for probably over 15 years.
The site is definitely not what it used to be, people are just so quick to attack others for no apprent reason. Swearing was always a thing but honestly people used to be so much kinder.
I dont really care my kids long grown just keeps me amused when I'm bored.

This is the place for you: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/flouncers_corner

I dunno, my daughter 27 (who isn’t a member) thinks secondhand Mumsnet is a pack of feral wolves, me at 57 having been active for 25 years I really appreciate my arse being handed to me when needed.

I just can’t imagine any kids deciding to set up a MN account and invent threads. It would be such a weird things for teens to do. There are plenty of other delinquent ways to amuse themselves rather than mess around on a mums’ website . I just don’t believe the ‘it’s the school holidays’ hypothesis!

Thats exactly the kind of thing I was referring to above. Completely pointless and unhelpful when someone needs advice now.

I think you also need a thick skin to take part in these online discussions and often it's hard to read or see opinions you don't agree with and not immediately react.

There's been plenty of times I've read my messages before posting and had to delete it and force myself to put the phone down and do something else and remind myself that not everyone will agree with me or be as polite as I would like and that at the end of the day it's just a message board.

AIBU can be harsh but when I have posted on other boards, particularly Elderly Parents and Bereavement responses have been thoughtful and kind. Bereavement has got me through some really tough times. When it's late at night and you are alone and broken hearted someone always gives support.

Yes. And cruel. Kicking someone when they are struggling and worrying about their baby’s health. I simply cannot imagine doing that.

You seem a bit confused. ‘Balanced and reasonable’ is not at all the same thing as ‘softer, supportive and less judgemental’. It’s also far more clear why you expect women, half the human race, to be ‘soft’ and ‘supportive’?

You don’t sound ready for the internet.

Mumsnet isnt a support group or a counselor.

Its a forum, with a lot of well educated/opinionated women who if asked for their opinion will give it, unapologetically. If you are discussing a situation where someone appears to have been repeatedly stupid or careless, people's responses will increasingly reflect their frustration. If you come on expecting an echo chamber and appear to be opinion shopping for agreement on AIBU people may show exasperation.

Sometimes there will be swearing.

You might not like the opinions/home truths people give you. That's life.

I feel the average tone of responses has shifted towards more blunt/negative in the last few years. But i also noticed the same trend on facebook/instagram.

This is me, I find the honesty refreshing in a world where "friends" will blank you rather thsn tell you you bothered/offended them and no one disagrees with anyone any more.

I once started a thread feeling cross about a situation with BiL. I got told in no uncertain terms i was being unreasonable and overthinking it. I needed to be told!!

There’s lots of people who call themself ‘straight talkers’ and think that’s a credit to them when really they’re just nasty and mean

I agree.

😂posting from way ahead!

How are you measuring fake posts? You can't read every post and you have no way of knowing which ones are true

Even if there was some valid way to measure it why would you assume children were posting, I really get that leap at all

Why wouldn't it be teachers or more parents off work with more free time?

Not at all confused this end. I'm not suggesting they are the same. I suggest you have another read. The final sentence "It is certainly some distance from being balanced and reasonable in my experience" is a completely different comment having already said I couldn't have been more wrong about the expectation of it being softer etc.

I think thats mainly a response to thread tone though. So many people come on here either being entitled, thinking the world owes them everything, expecting a virtual hug. There's a higher volume of posters who seem to utterly lack grit, resilience & decision making skills. It didnt used to be like that. The responses reflect this.

Yes, MN isn’t very lady-like is it!

I think that’s fair. Some people are posting because they don’t have anyone to talk to, but others post because they want unvarnished honestly of the kind they are less likely to get from family and friends.