Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

[Su9]

Are there no group rules here about swearing, bring unkind, basic courtesy?
Is there no admin or moderator, or is this the kind of group everyone wants and the admin is facilitating?
There are some great responses that offer food for thought, while several others are plain ugly.
People presumably write in for support and advice, so how on earth do they feel when people chuck these ugly retorts?
I'm deciding whether to leave or stay.

Fuck knows!

You new here OP?
It's ages since we had a "MN is a sweary pit of vipers(for the old timers)" thread.

But does it really have to be?

I'm not saying 'no swearing, children!'. I'm just saying there's no actual virtue in swearing, especially when it's in type where other signals such as tone of voice and facial expression cannot be read. It can come over as aggressive and hostile.

I'm afraid i can't see why some posters expend so much energy on moaning about other posters AND STILL COME BACK.
Seriously, go to Netmums, or Gransnet, you'll fit right in.
(Though i'm a grandmother, i'm on here because GN is utterly anodyne.)

It’s just opinions at the end of the day. You can take or leave them.

@Alwayshasbeen19

I sympathise, Always. There are some pps who don't know the difference between directness and rudeness. If there are any here now, I'll be happy to explain. I suspect some know the difference very well, but they love to put the boot in - as a pp said upthread, it's a great dopamine hit for them.

Pet hates of mine are:

pps saying OP is lying or making things up: unlikely, but even if they are, look at it as a hypothetical question and answer it in good faith. So what?

pps reading between the lines: 'you don't like her much!' 'you sound snobbish' etc etc ad nauseam Focus on the question and leave the character assassination out.

pps not reading or comprehending the OP: asking how old a child is or how long someone's been with their partner etc etc when OP has given that information.

pps criticising SPAG when it's irrelevant; I've seen distressed OPs pulled apart for their bad spelling. Not cool.

pps being blunt and crude and thinking they're direct (I say it how it is, me!). There's a difference.

Because moaning and judging gives people a sense of being better than.
That's why why so many posters on MN put people down, tell other posters theyre stupid or have a go at them fur doing something they can’t change (like marrying the person theyre struggling with now).

That’s what a lot of MN is about. Moaning about other people.

Now why do people who struggling a lot with some attitudes on MN stay?
Often because they have no support network at all and can’t get the support they need in RL.
Because voyeurism is a strong urge in many people.
Because they are lonely.
Many reasons that explains 1 in 3 (apparently) women in the U.K. use MN.

But you do know that there are other places, perhaps more congenial to your requirements?
MN isn't the only online space.

There are some pps who don't know the difference between directness and rudeness.

I also think sometimes that is a bit disingenuous and they just use "directness" as a cover.

and there's a lot of posters who think that disagreement is being rude.

That’s what a lot of MN is about. Moaning about other people.

😂

FWIW I stay because it is an easy click away from what I am doing/between tasks and I don't agree with plastering pics all over the internet style SM.

But I am finding it is reducing my concentration levels, so am trying to stop!

I used to find Flouncers Corner a great source of amusement back in the day.

OP: Your are all dreadful and I'm leaving.
Also OP a bit later: You are all still awful and I'm definitely leaving.
OP, 3000 posts later: I'M STILL LEAVING.

The incessancy and unoriginality of these "Mumsnet and all of its users (except me) are vile and horrible" threads is so tedious. Leave then FFS!

Blimey - where would MN be without people 'moaning'? Isn't that what we're all doing? You're here moaning (as you put it) about people moaning!

For moaning read: expressing a valid opinion in response to OP's question, and as part of a dynamic discussion.

Take the moaning out of Mumsnet and what would you be left with?

Because moaning and judging gives people a sense of being better than.
That's why why so many posters on MN put people down, tell other posters theyre stupid or have a go at them fur doing something they can’t change (like marrying the person theyre struggling with now).

Exactly.

True too.

I’ve seen some very helpful replies but also some pretty blunt ones. Especially when women come here and moan about their partner but then spent time defending them/refusing to do anything.

Or a poster that has been genuinely hurt by some of the comments.

Why is it that, in your world, people only complain for no good reason and because they are wrong? Are you never putting yourself into question?

I mean if that’s your starting point, I’m not surprised of the way some threads go tbh

Have you ever wondered why some people react like this?
Thats an interesting part of psychology to look at tbh. I suspect you’d find a lot to learn there.

Because we all do. We all have our blind spots, our fears, our automatic reactions that weve learnt in childhood. Wondering why people react like that is disingenuous imo

I think people get compassion fatigue . I’ve given blunt replies when it’s clear the person asking for “help” aren’t really looking for help but a moan. People have given great advice but they don’t want to take it.

I think MN is fairly representative of RL. AIBU can sting, but you don't need to engage, no one forces you to. I scroll past most of it.

A lot of the other boards are hugely supportive, especially Relationships. The advice there can be brutal, but is generally well intentioned. I have no doubt that there are women whose lives have been saved by having the truth about their abusive partners being pointed out.

I find MN supportive, educative and sometimes challenging. That's not a bad thing though.

I do understand the very human need sometimes to just vent. Some OPs aren’t looking for answers - they want to let off steam and perhaps get some validation. The sensible ones admit it, though.

The OPs who don’t answer questions or engage at all after their first post are definitely the worst though. That’s the main reason I would never start a thread - I would feel I had to be on had to participate right through.

I don't think it's just AIBU its all over the boards some more than others.

With the taking advice thing. Sometimes its that the op has decided to take the type of advice they feel works for them. Sometimes that's from a quieter poster . But no one has noticed because they are to busy with their own replies. Sometimes the advice just doesn't fit because its more complicated than that. Things are not always as simple as do ABC .
And people Sometimes just want to be heard. Talk about and explore the situation. People want to fix things its not always as neat and tidy as that.