Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

[Su9]

Are there no group rules here about swearing, bring unkind, basic courtesy?
Is there no admin or moderator, or is this the kind of group everyone wants and the admin is facilitating?
There are some great responses that offer food for thought, while several others are plain ugly.
People presumably write in for support and advice, so how on earth do they feel when people chuck these ugly retorts?
I'm deciding whether to leave or stay.

If you dont like a robust conversation with swearing, then it probably isn't the site for you in all honesty.

Personal attacks aren't allowed, and you can report the posts using the 3 dots at the top of the post and MN will take a look and delete as necessary.

It's up to you whether you leave I suppose. In my experience if someone swears at someone else, that reply is deleted. Obviously swearing is allowed because we're not children.

Definitely no rules about swearing.
If you post on AIBU, then I think you risk getting hostile responses from arseholes. I believe the other boards are more measured.

@Su9
I think that sometimes, especially if we do a job which doesn’t bring us in contact with lots of different sorts of people, we tend to think that people will answer on here as if they were friends.
If you ask something here, as well as getting all sorts of advice you are going to hear it in all sorts of ways, some of which might appear “unkind”.

Why would adults need to be told not to swear?

You get warts and all especially in AIBU. If you don't agree with what's being posted you can report each post or the opening post to try to get the whole thread deleted. I'd go elsewhere if you don't like MN rules. I hear the WI is excellent 😊

It’s possible that MN isn’t the site for you. Women are allowed to swear, and I think you’ll find that we are over being told we should be kind. Most people on here are decent, but we also don’t mince our words.

Humans can be complete and utter shits, can't they? Especially when they're safely behind a screen. There are some rules here, but being forthright, obnoxious, bitchy, sweary and rude are absolutely permitted.
If you want to report a post you can, using the 3 dots on the top right.

Netmums is that way ➡️

There's very little modding imo. Eg personal attacks aren't allowed, and get deleted very quickly if they are reported - but I've seen quite a few where its a person lashing out, in response after receiving carefully written but nasty posts, and it seems mods either don't read the context or don't care.
I've also reported what I thought was clear racism a few times only to get a response that it's a 'strong opinion' and not against the rules, which was disappointing.

I would avoid AIBU rather than the site as a whole. Most of the other boards are gentler, as long as you don't set out to be deliberately goady.

@Su9 What's wrong with swearing? And people come here for honest advice which can feel "unkind" at times but unkind is not synonymous to untrue. If you want sycophants then stay away from MN.

Firstly, I will swear (and I very much do) if I want to. You can take offence but I can’t give it, so if you don’t like swear words then unfortunately, that’s on you.

Secondly, Rules about being unkind? What do you define as being unkind? Honesty? A difference of opinion? Women have been told to ‘be kind’ since god was a boy, it’s a veiled attempt at telling women with differing views to shut up.

The moderation depends on you reporting things after the fact, and it’s very inconsistent. I once reported a comment that said the Jews had organised 9/11 behind the scenes to start a war to wipe out their enemies by controlling the US Gov response. Instead of deleting (it as it was an expression of the most basic of anti Semitic tropes), mods told me it was just an opinion to which we are all entitled 🤣 I mean what can you do.
I resolve to always try and be reasonable in my responses and not act like a dick, don’t pile on and understand you’re on your own, the mods aren’t saving you!!!

For your own sake, leave. You sound very invested in mumsnet.

I reckon you started a thread, didn’t get the responses you wanted, flounced.

Stay off AiBU and find a special interest board.

Yes it is moderated

yes the rules are set by the owners
they allow people to swear

thank god

Nobody likes a whinger

The one I reported said that people from 'certain races' had lower IQs which led to a natural propensity to being violent criminals
By Mumsnet standards that's a strong opinion, to the rest of the world its known as the discredited and highly racist theory of eugenics.

To be honest, I think that’s the appeal of it. The honesty, the hard truths. Sometimes when an OP writes a post about her shit husband you need to say ‘Fuck me Susan, you are an utter mug for putting up with this crap! Are you blind? Come the fuck on! Wake up!’

There is little point in writing ‘Gently, I think you should consider your options. Have you considered counselling?’

Damn, you beat me to it.

edited to add that the post I quoted seems to have been deleted.

No one is forcing you to stay.

No but there is a difference between hard truths, and downright nasty. Unfortunately to allow the former it seems Mumsnet also allows the latter and it often steps over the line.

some people are nasty. This site allows it