Is this Mumsnet for me? Shocked at responses

[Su9]

Are there no group rules here about swearing, bring unkind, basic courtesy?
Is there no admin or moderator, or is this the kind of group everyone wants and the admin is facilitating?
There are some great responses that offer food for thought, while several others are plain ugly.
People presumably write in for support and advice, so how on earth do they feel when people chuck these ugly retorts?
I'm deciding whether to leave or stay.

You can swear, but not at someone.

People don't have much time and often a sweary response is more honest than a finely crafted one.

Also, if you're someone who is offended by swearing, you're not going to be much use to others from a 'support' perspective. This is life, the way many/most people live it. If you want things sugar-coated or want to sugar-coat them yourself, you're fundamentally not cut out for honesty.

Mumsnet is lightly moderated, deliberately. There are Talk Guidelines but if you think you have been attacked, you need to report a post. Generally, if someone is getting very unfairly treated, other users will report the post. Robust argument isn't attack though, and posts including swearing or being unkind won't generally be deleted.

it seems mods either don't read the context or don't care.

In reply to a query, mods replied that they don't read context, just the stand alone post. Which defeats the concept of fairness, hence posters will use reporting to censor posters who disagree with them.

Years ago people would tell you to go to Nethuns… MN isn’t for the faint of heart, especially AIBU

I've had three horrible experiences when posting difficulties. I had hoped for advice.

A stalking landlord who I should tolerate.

A house that didn't sell and was encouraged to post a floor plan that was reversed searched and all sorts of assumptions made about me. That was super weird.

A family member that called in a loan early during my cancer treatment. I was called a fraudster and a bad mother. I was being abused at the time by the family member. That was probably the nastiest set of responses.

I now change names frequently. I keep two I've had for years on specific boards.

Otherwise I advise a thick skin and don't post on a Friday night. It's brutal.

I don't know because I'm just guessing at the type of response you are thinking of. But with regards to swearing, I am very happy that we can use any swear word we like. As we do in real life. And I'm very sweary in real life, though consciously not using any swears in this response.

Not very often IMO. I offered an opinion that got me banned for a fortnight, that I still think was truthful. But the rules are the rules, even when they don't make sense.

Not have one of those in a long time.

We used to get them at least once a week.

cuntychops is a great expression.

I’m sure some people only visit forums in order to have a safe, anonymous, nasty little go at other people. You get a few on just about any forum. They’re sad, pathetic, little people - probably quite insignificant in real life - and honestly not worth getting upset over

It must have been a very shitty opinion.

I voted YANBU because it clearly is not for you.

I think generally, MN are good at moderating. They respond quickly if you report a post.
The responses can be a bit hurtful at times, but when it's good MN is really good! I've often cried with laughter, and must bore my friends to tears with "On Mumsnet, someone said..." all the time. Women's wisdom at its finest.

I remember when I first came on here and I was shocked by how nasty people can be. There are people on here who don’t give a shit about how much they are kicking someone who’s already clearly in distress. My view of humanity has been lowered by this site. Though there are some utter gems of humanity on here there are also some very unhappy and vile people too.

I'm always surprised how quickly people jump to 'report to the police'. Would be interested to know how often these that advise others to do that themselves actually have....

And how many people parent perfectly, have perfect partners, children, family, friends and are themselves perfect in every way.

I don't mind swearing, but gratuitous use of the c word makes me cringe.

Swearing is a personal matter, you're perfectly within your rights to find swearing offensive. But what you find offensive, someone else may not bat an eyelid so it's a personal issue, nobody really has a right not to be offended. Best to avoid.

I do find the bullying sometimes on here quite hard to read myself but I kind of appreciate MN allowing people to be adults and sort it out themselves.

If any bored child was posting on here id be extremely worried about them. What child in 2926 is registering on mumsnet when the rest of the internet, streaming and gaming exists never mind the outside world

You don't actually think thats happening do you?

Just an aside. I hate the c word. So we use the euphemism Tuesday Boys.

Swearing is allowed, and why not? Nothing wrong with it.

It's personal attacks that are not allowed, or troll hunting, though there can be so many trolls that it is hard not to fall foul of that one occasionally.

2926? Your username is fitting!

And yes, I think they do. You see an upsurge in fake posts when the school holidays kick off.

I bet you’ve only been on AIBU. Do some work on exploring the site properly

Thanks for this interesting and perceptive post. In my opinion, it is the anonymity that brings out the worst in people, much like other social media . I have to confess that before opening my account on this I half expected it to be softer, more supportive and less judgemental given the majority of us are likely to be women. To be honest, I couldn't really have been more wrong and I am genuinely surprised at the bias when a man is at fault compared to the responses when the woman is clearly at fault. It is certainly some distance from being balanced and reasonable in my experience.

I love it BECAUSE of the honesty. Please say what they actually think rather than the sugar coating you get in real life. Best place to come if you want to find out the truth about your problem. On that note, and to your last point, stay or leave, no one cares.

😆 🤣

Mumsnet is online - pure nastiness of people hiding behind anonymous usernames mixed with fairly unreasonable expectations of perfection ( the typical mumsnet child has a minimum of all 8 at gcse, eats a perfectly varied diet etc). Its the worst of real life mums groups, on steroids.
having said that, some of the sub groups are decent ;)

I am not bothered about swearing, even though I choose not to.

I am in my fifties and confident, with a thick skin and nobody could upset me here. I also don’t think women need to be kind etc.

But the automatic going against the OP is just so tedious. When it’s pretty obvious the OP is justified, people immediately challenge and nitpick and go out of their way to prove them wrong and be unpleasant for the sake of it. I just roll my eyes and scroll on.