Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

I’ve been in your shoes op, it absolutely sucks. I’m sorry. I’m out the other side now and currently in the midst of divorcing my cheating ex. No matter how hard he’s made things, life is still better without a lying, cheating creep in my life. I agree with the suggestion to parent 50/50 on this holiday, take some time for yourself and give him a taste of life to come. Don’t let him gaslight you, and please don’t be tempted to try again for the sake of your children. The trust is gone. Time to develop a steely core, and book in 30 mins free with a couple of solicitors when you get home to see where you stand. You can do this.

Please keep your game face in and your head straight. If you have someone you trust, sister, parents, bff, whoever, message them to confide and get support. Get home, see a lawyer and get the proper legal advice you need.

It all kicked off earlier and he confirmed it’s a paid service he has engaged, he has basically got someone who will send a certain number of messages a day as well as photo’s.

He will have the day with the kids tomorrow, he’s drinking at the hotel bar still with a bloke he met poolside.

I don’t believe that at all. Do you?

How did the spa time go? Have you thought about packing you and the kids up and heading home, collect a few things and go and stay with family??

you need support and someone you trust letting you know this behaviour is not right.

otherwise when he is in the shower next, pick up his mobile and message her back, tell her he is married and on holiday with you. If it is a paid service I would hope she has some sort of standard and no longer communicate with him.

that then puts the ball in his court as to his next move. My bet is when you get home he won’t be around much longer.

sending hugs

What’s the chances he’s in any fit state to look after children tomorrow if he’s propping up the bar all night… What an arsehole

He’s paid for this?! What a sad prick he is. So sorry OP - you deserve much better. Definitely get some advice re divorce. What a crap holiday 😔

What a loser!

So was he thinking you just wouldn't notice him on his phone all the time, checked out of your relationship and his parental responsibilities? Was he thinking you'd just be upset but put up with it, once you found out?

He was obviously happy to let you assume he was having an affair before it kicked off and the truth came out. If indeed it is the truth and he's not minimising an affair, trying to get you to write it off as digital only because in his mind he's thinking of doing the whole "its not really cheating because nothing physical happened" thing. Did he think that if you thought he was having an affair you'd be jealous, cry for a bit, then beg him not to leave you or something like that?

He must be thick as shit.

Hope you're ok OP. Does he know he's having the kids tomorrow or is it going to be a nice surprise 😜

What a revolting man. I’m so sorry OP, it must be awful for you.

This is bullshit

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore.

Honestly what did you expect? It always boggles my mind when one partner completely checks out of the physical part of the relationship, and is then surprised and outraged when the other partner finds it elsewhere.

Oh ffs. 🙄 Vows, partnership, communication, respect and integrity. Cheating is a choice that indicates a lack of character and no one makes someone do it. Give your head a shake.

He’s paid for someone to send him photos and dirty messages? If that’s true, she’s probably watching Countdown or cleaning the fridge at the same time! What a loser.

I don’t think the service is bullshit is that what you mean? I genuinely have seen such ‘services’ offered being mentioned when I was on a subreddit to do with partners porn habits.

or maybe you mean his behaviour is bullshit- which it most definitely is

I don’t think you will be able to relax at all
so if I was you I would look for a solicitor, get as much access to important info as bank accounts, mortgage , pensions etc and prepare to get a divorce .

Hard to know-sadly such sleazy services do indeed exist

What an utter loser.

What did he expect when she married someone who I presume was reasonably fit looking and nice to her most of the time, who then morphes into an overweight grumpy arsehole who treats her like shit and refuses to pull his weight parenting his own kids? It's common knowledge that kind of thing puts most women off.

A paid service will not care if he is married or not

Is he salaried or self-employed? If self employed he will hide his income to pay you less for the child maintenance.

Does he keep any evidence/paperwork of his income in the house? Do you have any friends you trust who have a house key and could get copies while you're away?

Yuk op. And on a family holiday, out getting pissed while you look after the kids. No wonder your legs are clamped shut. This prize of a man isn't making any efforts to fix issues in your relationship. Normally I think mumsnet sees things too black and white, but in this case im with the majority. He's got no respect for you. Honestly you can do better.

LTB but bide your time get all ducks in a row find a solicitor asap

I knew it was too weird for a real woman to continue flirting with a man that said he wished he could see her milk tankers!

He is so far beneath you, OP.

Wow, so he is so grim that he literally has to pay someone to flirt with him yet he resents you for not wanting to go near him. Make it make sense!