Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

Oh this asshole is totally following the script. Yes of course his affair and being a total wanker is your fault. NOT!

Is there any way you can come home early? This isn't going to be pleasant for the rest of the week. I understand you are trying to keep things ok for the children but sometimes we just can't and actually it will be better for them to be home rather than away on a holiday which is now going to be very awkward and he is going to spend it being an asshole.

When you are back get your ducks in a row. Solicitor, CMS, you may not feel like it but getting back some control will make you feel better and when this is all over you will be glad you did.

These man babies never change. They think everything is owed to them and they take no responsibility or accountability for anything.

Look after yourself. Hes a wanker. Don't believe a word he utters from now on, he has proved he is a cheat and a liar. That is all you need to know. His words mean NOTHING.

I would draw up a rota for childcare for the rest of the holiday and explain that you will be divorcing him on return so could he arrange where he's going to live.

I’d go back to the room and scrub under the toilet rim with his toothbrush. I would.

I'd be going off for the day on my own and leave the children with him. You have a day by the sea on your own whilst working through the logistics - CMS, housing, income etc

His idea of flirting is "milk tankers"

Ew.

This man is a Bad Man.

No woman owes any man sex.

Sorry OP @Maybeitllneverhappen 's idea of a rota is great.

I would tell him to get milk tankers out there to help with the kids then I would pack my bag and leave this bastard to look after your kids and just go home.

I have told him that I need a few hours to myself, there’s a spa on site so I will look into spending an hour or two there, just to get my head straight.

Head home with the kids early and leave him there, change the locks when you get home.

I could never forgive the use of the phase milk tankers.

Does he have form, OP?
He's so cold and unrepentant, that he's either a regular cheat; or has always been comfortable being disrespectful to you.

No form along these lines, although has been a bit nasty in recent arguments (so have I, to an extent)

Just the use of the phrase “milk tankers” without the cheating would be grounds for a divorce. What a vile man.

Yes and go and meet another man

This. The forever ick.

I’d tell him to go home and I’d stay there with the kids and make the most of him not being there

What a grim specimen.

I think it’s divorce time really.

So sorry to hear that he's treating you this way. You and your kids deserve so much better! He sounds like a waste of space. I'd be cold back, grey rock him, focus on you and the kids and start preparing to leave (keep the kids passports to yourself and don't let him know where they are, think about meeting with a lawyer and when you could look at the financials when you're back). Don't let him know you're doing any prep to leave, just don't even interact with him. He's checked out, he doesn't deserve your time and effort. Sending lots of love your way.

You must be reeling. You can't really do anything but I'd stay out of his way as much as I was able to and try to make the best of it for the kids.

Can you see if you can get a separate room? Preferably using his credit card.

This op. Go home, change the locks. Get his stuff sent to storage. File for divorce.

I don’t think I could come back from that phrase he used and if I were the recipient of that text, it would be the last one he ever sent. It’s taking disrespect to a new low and shows exactly what his opinion of women is.

If he has checked out, it’s time to get practical and put things in place so that you can be rid of him.

Many reasons

General life stresses
Bad sleep due to our youngest
DH not being particularly pleasant towards me
DH letting his physical appearance deteriorate and not doing anything to lose weight

Ugh. What a creep.

Get rid.

Yes. Don't let him know or give him any indication what your decision is, so that he can't hide or block anything. He sounds like the type to do that. You don't owe him any explanation. Let him wonder. Grey Rock... but also do the child care rota for the holiday, but if I were you and could get an earlier flight I'd do that. In fact if it wasn't hard on the kids, I'd leave them with him so he can get them home again.

Whether you decide to leave or not you need to get home and sort out the financials so that you know what options you have and so that he doesn't start emptying the family coffers

He doesn't give a shit about the kids either does he... if he's just sitting by the pool drinking., What a poor excuse for a husband and a father - they don't deserve this.

What support do you have. I would only let your very very trusted friend/relative know at this stage, the last thing you want is relatives weighing in and affecting your decisions.