Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

Obviously, your marriage is completely over. You already know this. Unless, of course, you're willing to let him do literally anything he wants, at any time, with anyone, forever.

And even then, he might desert you.

If it’s true it’s probably a dude.

Either way he sounds like he’s reverting to childish behavior. This are not the actions of an adult man.

What do you want to happen?

I would just remind him not to be spending so frivolously as he will need to save his money for his pension when you take half of it and the house. You are married so therefore I assume you own half of everything. Which is too bad for him. Down tools OP hit him where it hurts he is the responsible parent tomorrow don't just go to the Spa go out for tea put a lovely dress on and when he asks where you are going tell him you don't have to pay for attention because you luckily have maintained your looks during your relationship unlike him. I hope you have a suitable card of his to bill him for your extravagant day out. Really treat yourself you deserve it.
I am sorry that they are like this it seems worse the more we do for them. I really do not mean to generalise but every day it is another cheating post and it is always something so gross and degrading. You will find your glow up and your strength but right now time to get through the next few days.

I think it was obvious he was using a paid service, who else would ‘flirt back’ after he wrote that shite.

He really doesn’t sound like someone worth staying with frankly.

Urrgghh OP your life will be better within in it. He sounds disgusting

I think he’s lying about this woman being a paid service. He’s having an affair with her and he’s trying to pretend otherwise.

Stop asking to have time to yourself.

Get up and leave him with the DC, just as he has for this holiday so far.

As soon as you get home, get an STD test and get your ducks in a row.

I agree with PP, I think it’s an affair and not a service he is paying for.

Oh yuck, how fucking pathetic of him 🤮🤮🤮

He doesn’t like, love or respect you, which is why he’s being a cunt. Leave him.

Why on earth are you still there?

This is surely part of the problem, he has no respect for you whatsoever.

Even if he wasn't cheating or being cold with me him using such a crude term as "milk tankers" would have me wanting to divorce 🤮

He woke me up at about 1am, knocking the door and was accompanied by another man who was helping him back from the bar as he could barely stand. So as it stands, he’s in no fit state and I’m preparing to take the kids down to breakfast. Feeling extremely pissed off.

Im so sorry OP, you deserve so much better. Please don't put up with this 💐

However, if it's a paid for service I so hope it's a man he's messaging who's having a right good laugh at his expense, literally and figuratively.

Absolutely all of this!

OP, I'd try to get your head round this being a holiday for you and the children. He's an annoying extra that you can opt out of.

If you can get your head round it being you and the kids on holiday, it'll be easier to muddle through each day and enjoy it (as much as possible) together. Please try to do that for your children if you can. As a child, I always knew when something was 'going on' between my parents and I feel like I lived in a constant state of anxiety.

You and the kids deserve so much more from life. When you get home, you can act on it.

It’s really not much of a holiday for you or the children is it…

Im sure whoever is sending him messages is AI generated or a man or woman again using AI photos making money and having a great laugh at his expense. What a dick.
as for his behaviour, try and enjoy the holiday with the children, leave him to it, barely interact with him.
Then when you get home make your plans. Don't just put up with it, believe me been there done it, you and your children deserve more.

This! I know it is hard when you are upset but if you can throw yourself into giving your kids a lovely time, especially days out away from where you might bump into him, you can salvage the holiday for them and may find yourself enjoying it too.

plus - it is a massive rejection of him and shows he’s not needed.

What a fucking loser. I am so sorry, OP.

You need to plan for life without him. Just try to emotionally cut yourself off from him. He is making is easy.

He doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to be with anyway.
Rude, lazy, hurtful in arguments, overweight, no interest in participating in family life, no interest in his appearance.
sounds like you’d be better off without him regardless of this OP.

also, makes sense that it’s a paid service. Doubt he’d attract someone else, let alone a woman that isn't massively turned off by the term ‘milk tankers’. Any woman not being paid to listen to that would’ve run a mile, not flirted back!!

And it’s at this point, I would leave, with the kids and start to sort things out. Consider what you are able to control about the situation as that will help you remain calm. So sorry this has happened to you. You deserve so much better x

God what a prize. He even has to pay women to talk to him. Get rid. Can you see how much this man is not worthy of you at all? He has to pay a woman to talk to him. He has be carried back to your hotel room by a random man.

Divorce him. You'll be much happier. He's clearly on a downward spiral so don't worry about all this money he might earn or these people he'll pay to have the kids. He's selfish destructing. Get yourself and the kids out the way and leave him to it

Can you imagine saying "I wish you were here" to a woman you're paying to talk to you. How embarrassing for him. I bet it's AI aswell.

Take his card and book a flight home for you and the kids. Pack your bags and leave when he’s down by the pool later.

I guess it’s good it’s finally out in the open and you have the opportunity to either work through matters or not. Try to get the most out of the holiday and address it all when you get back.

The internet is really a free for all for any slightly dissatisfied partner isn’t it.

You’re treated how you allow yourself to be treated OP. Take back control. Currently he’s calling all the shots. Do you have money to be able to bring yours and the DCs flights forward and go home? You can just pack and leave him a note and leave him with new bestie. Once home get ahead of the game. Find all financial statements, see a solicitor. If he does received six figure salary, you’ll get enough child support to allow you to afford to keep a roof over your heads in some form. It will all sound scary atm, but the alternative is to remain with him so he has the best of both worlds - living the single life with no real change to his own life. He won’t look after your interests whatsoever, so don’t make the mistake of thinking he won’t screw you and the DCs over. I’ve been there, and once they’ve checked out like this they will focus on only their needs and wants. Good luck OP.