Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

Ok ffs...you should be his company for the week, he's on holiday with his family!
What an absolute bastard. You can't live with this man any more surely if he can hurt you like this

He sounds like a prize arsehole. "company for the week" - how bloody dare he!

OP, this is so totally disrespectful to you, I can only imagine that he has run you down overtime as people don't go from being loving and respectful to this without a period of deterioration.

You are worth so much more than this, he wont be able to take your kids assuming you are primary carer.

Make notes of everything that happens over the holiday so you are prepared if you choose to see a lawyer on your return.

Exactly. How can any woman be attracted to this Neanderthal??

Keep it together as much as you can for the children.
but start planning.
This is your way to freedom from this unpleasant man.
Youll be fine. X

There's usually one eejit on these threads and here they are. Thick as two planks.
OP divorce divorce divorce. Any man using that language is not worth spending a nano second with.
Try to enjoy your holiday as much as you can with your kids.
Prepare to get rid of this creature when you get home.

I think you need to try and take emotions out of it and be very straight with him.

Tell him you’ll discuss it when you get home but you’re not going to be as selfish as him and ruin the DCs holiday.

Create basically a timetable where you take in turns getting a lie in and doing the morning and afternoon shift.

Tell the kids it’s yours and their dads holiday too and you both want to relax and so eg until 2pm they are to go to you if they need anything and then after 2pm they go to their dad, whilst you go and do whatever you want.

It means he actually has to parent and you get time with your thoughts.

Obviously what he has done is wrong but his attitude when getting caught is what would really wind me up and recognise that there is never any coming back from this.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, I cant imagine how hard it must be with the children, all I can suggest is focus on you and your children. Dont spend time with him unless absolutely necessary. He is an awful man and doesn't deserve you. Failing that put him on the next flight home or get some first and change the locks xxx

You cannot legally change the locks on a jointly owned home, so don't do that. But do phone a lawyer right now and go and see her as soon as you get home. Don't tell him anything, just get the ball rolling. Spend most of the holiday with your kids and give them the best time you can, but book that spa and take some walks. Make your plans xx

She only wants his company cos she can hand back the ugly twat.
try and enjoy your time with the kids and get some alone time. Plan what to do next.
You and your kids deserve so much better! 💐

I think you have to go in practical mode on the plus side if there is on its cut and dried some people go through all sorts of of hell suspecting accusation and denial try to get proof you’ve been spared that
it’s literally get past it or split
I think you’ll be going down the split route

He’s been pushing you away, and now his solution is to dump you and pursue someone else without even trying to fix things with you?

He sounds horrible, I’m sorry for you.

I would totally blank him for the rest of the holiday. Suit yourself. Tell him if he wanted a good marriage and intimacy, he’s gone about a really wrong-headed way

Are you serious? Hitting a bad patch in a marriage is an excuse for an affair?

A wife is not a prostitute. Don't put out he'll go elsewhere.

Ask him to spend the rest of the holiday thinking about how he will facilitate 50/50 with his children going forward as the relationship is now obviously over. That should focus his mind. ‘As much as he can’ isn’t enough. 24/7 half of every week, or weeks about.

I really don't think it will. Men know that they don't have to do 50/50 or even bother to see their kids at all if they don't want to.

(I’m confused by the people saying keep the kids passports and also leave early and let him bring them home…..this isn’t possible, surely people must realise that?!)

Op, you aren’t being unreasonable. He sounds like a massive git. So sorry you are dealing with this.
A friend had exactly the same a couple of years ago, she had actually taken her bit on the side on the family holiday, bizarrely! 🫣
She then announced at dinner in front of the lovely husband and their kids that the ‘friend’ she had taken was actually her boyfriend!! Astounding!😳

Definitely get a lawyer.
Don’t change any locks at this point though, that is not ok, sadly.

Get a great lawyer! Sending hugs. You deserve a lot better!!

(while on holiday, can you leave him to his sad messages and try to have a load of fun with the kids?! Can you book some days trips to get away from him?)

🌼

P.S, that comment of his…..🤢🤮
you had a great escape there!!!

This is awful I’m so sorry for you, I would try and have a think while you are away if you can manage without him, he sounds gross

see your milk tankers in a bikini’

I mean, that phrase alone is grounds for LTB even if he'd said it to you.

Company for the week? What does that mean and why does he need company for the week when he’s on holiday and not actually going to be able to see anyone?

Seriously! Really helpful comment!

"Company for the week"

He's on holiday with you his wife for heaven sake and DC, at the very least he should be putting in some effort even if to make it memorable for the DC.

I'ts probably incredibly difficult for you but I'd carry on with the holiday, leave him by the pool to chat with the old milk maid and spend time with your DC.

Unless you yourself own or rent the property you live in solely in your name any talk of changing locks and chucking his stuff out won't go down well within the law, they're not interested in his infidelity.

I would however seriously consider ending the marriage, to me there's a line and if that line involved my DH talking to another woman in the way yours is it's not only been crossed but they'd be no returning back over to my side, I'd value myself more than that.

Your DH is so out of line openly doing what he is and I hope you yourself find the strength to not let him continue to treat you so disrespectfully.

‘Milk tankers’. Could he find any worse way to objectify women. I think I’d be slinging him in her direction.

I'm so sorry OP, what a horrible way to find out and what a prize dickhead. I hope you are ok.

His comment this person was 'somebody to keep me company' is an odd comment to make when he is on holiday with you. Also the claim that neither of you know this person. If he doesn't know them why is he messaging them?!

Is there a chance he is messaging somebody local to where you are? He could have set his location on a dating app to there before you flew out and started messaging them in the way people do on apps. Who she is isn't the main point, but it is all so odd.

I think I'd be telling him he's welcome to her milk tankers for a lot longer than this week. But I'd put milk tankers in air quotes. (And probably say Yuk too.)

What a prize cunt.
His phone would be having an 'accident" in the pool (lobbed over a cliff into the sea, stomped on or whatever causes maximum and certain, irreparable damage) the moment he leaves it unsupervised......

Am bewildered at everyone replying to this, surely it's clearly made up?