Hand hold needed - away with cheating DH

[Kelkell]

Changed name as a regular poster and don’t want to out myself.

I’m away with DH and our two DC currently, we have had a few rows in recent months and haven’t been intimate for a while either.

I have spent the first few days of the holiday (we’re here for 10 days) running around after the kids, co-ordinating the on site clubs and basically not relaxing. DH has spent most of his days led pool side with his headphones in and a drink.

He has been on his phone a lot more than on recent holidays. So when he was in the shower last night, I looked at it because I was suspicious.

There are numerous messages between him and another woman. Time stamps when he would have been pool side. One really hurtful one said he has a ‘beer and the sun, I just wish you were here too so I could see your milk tankers in a bikini’. She’s equally flirting back, it made me feel sick reading.

I managed to bring this up without the kids present, he said what do I expect when I won’t go near him anymore. Just really cold. He’s doing his own thing today, and I don’t know how I’ll get through the rest of the holiday 😥

Me too, that's a very low bar, Gross🤑

He doesn't like you, and as hard as that is to hear, use it to find your fury going forward. Be cold, be calculated and most important of all, give absolutely nothing away in conversation or otherwise. Keep your cards close and tell him nothing. Leave him as soon as you can and take him for everything ,the absolute bastard

'Company for the week', suggests to me that he's paid someone, to keep him entertained.

It's possible that the contact has been online only, and WhatsApp details have been exchanged, purely because he's away. It's not to say that he wouldn't meet up with her in person though, given the opportunity. Let's be honest if he's overweight and hasn't looked after himself, to the point his own wife doesn't want sex with him, then why would anyone else suddenly think he's an Adonis?! So, I'd say it's entirely feasible that this woman is being paid.

My now ex husband used to do this. Message women to stroke his ego.
I walked out and left him 13 years ago and have never looked back.
I suggest you do the same.
Milk tankers. What a vile individual.

Is this idiot a vicar?

I honestly do not get it. I am not a prude, but that's not funny, that's not complimentary, that's not attractive.

So common, but it's like dick pic. Just.. why?
Has any woman ever replied: oh wow, I MUST meet you and do something with THAT! 😂

or is it just a wish from some low-life idiots?

I would expect my husband to not be texting women about their “milk tankers”. Why is it expected that the moment a man doesn’t get his end away women should accept and expect deceit? It’s a pathetic attitude to have.

To the people saying take the kids and go home how do you explain that to the kids?
Come on kids i know we've looked forward to our holiday but we're going home now but daddy is staying?

Maybe the "other woman" is a professional.

Op he’s obviously thought this through he has no respect for you when you go to the spa then go for lunch then sit at the pool tell him you can start practicing 50/50 no time like the present. Op it’s obviously a horrible situation for you to be in but it’s not going to get better he’s having flirty chats while you take care of his kids sorry but you need to make him pull his weight he might have checked out the marriage but he’s still a father.

Who is this woman? Is there anyone who can let her know she's flirting with a married dad?
I realise this is just a stop gap, as a cheater will find someone else, but at least it'll stop things for now (and protect her if she's a decent person, obviously if she's knows he's married, she's disgusting too).
When your kids are asleep, I'd be searching up some lawyers.

So sick of all the men on mumsnet now.

I did and the only repercussions was that he was livid!

Milk tankers? Does he refer to mammoth mammories and call women fillies? Gross

Why is he on holiday with you?

I wouldn't tell him anything on the holiday. He has no consideration for you or the DC. Don't tip him off...in case he tries to block your actions. you need to be able to make plans and to photo financial docs when you get home.

Just make your plans and keep it to yourself until you can act on them. Focus on yourself and the DC.

WTF?! Are you right in the head? OP is not his therapist! Besides, I'm sure he wouldn't be grateful and would just laugh in her face. He's just using crass slang because he's a fricking dickhead.

What sort of man says milk tankers, not exactly classy is he.

quesrion whay do you wish to do, end the marriage?

Sigh pretty woman was fictional.

Depends how old they are. If they don't know how long the holiday was supposed to be, it's easy. Or if they are too young to know what "a week" means, it's easy. Just tell them you're going out for the day, get to airport and buy them food and go shopping, then it's time to leave but there's not enough room on the plane so daddy is getting the next one. If they're too old for that then you're screwed and will have to make up some nonsense about an emergency meaning you have to leave and put up with them whining all the way home.

How old are the kids - are they safe if her looks after them for the day?
i would be leaving him for entire day tomorrow, potter sound go shopping, rest on the beach etc
if not just spend time with the kids and ignore him completely.
get your ducks in a row and have a bit of space to decide what you want going forward.
either you think you can make it work or whether you want to leave him- I certainly wouldn’t be telling him either way. Keep your cards close to your chest and make a plan.

Seek legal advice pronto

@Kelkell it's hard to think clearly when you've had a shock (even if you felt something wasn't right, it may still feel a shock). Have you got a relative or a friend who could offer some support? I recommend getting written/ photographic evidence about what he's been up to. You may think you've got enough evidence from seeing his messages and hearing him admit it but personally, I think you need more written evidence as it was his phone, yes? He may admit things to you but it doesn't mean he'll tell the truth to a solicitor. What if he accidentally messaged you instead of her or what if you got a photo? My first move would be 'Operation Evidence'. I get that you probably don't want to do this right now but it may benefit you later on. And just because you may have decided you no longer want him, you don't have to let Miss X walk off with him either. Does she know he's married? She may not but if she does know, I would be seething because of the disregard for my children. Focus on what you want in life now, not him or his passing interest. Good luck. You got this. And there's a thousands women hoping you find the happiness and love you deserve.

What does he expect when you don’t go near him? Well what you expect is some communication and an effort to put things right. He’s a coward for fleeing to the next Fanny at the sign of trouble. What a “man”. It’s up to if you want to make things work - have to see if he’ll accept to go to counselling (“relate” do couples therapy) or are you going to make a move to leave and get your ducks in a row financially? Don’t let him know your plans though. So sorry for this situation ❤️❤️❤️

"Milk tankers", wow what woman could resist such a poet, Shakespeare himself never achieved such seductive prose. Oh OP, what a horrible way to find out that he's a total pig. I hope you get some time to recalibrate your head over the next few days and then feel able to start firming up plans to get the life you deserve