AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

[Fluffyscrubberdo]

As a stay at home mum how often do you get this judgement online vs real life?
It seems no one really says it in real life but there seems to be so much vitriol on here that there must be a fair amount of people who think it.
Has anyone made a rude comment to you in person?
Or are you a person who think sahm’s are lazy?

AIBU to think sometimes a sahm is in a family’s best interest?

I’ve been a SAHP for years. I’ve been judged a few times for not working but quite frankly I don’t care. It was a decision made between myself and my dh based on what works for our family, so other people’s opinions are irrelevant. I have full access to money, time to myself, and a career I can return to when I choose. Some days I am lazy, but most days I am not, and I always have plenty that needs doing. However, after 9 years at home I will be returning to work shortly, not because I have to, but because I want to. I have loved being at home with the dc and I am so grateful that my dh worked hard to ensure I could be at home with them, and likewise, he’s grateful that I was happy to be at home with the dc and keeping on top of everything he doesn’t have time for. Change is coming for our family, but I don’t regret a single day of being a SAHP.

Whaaaa??? As has been said @Fluffyscrubberdo , the title doesn't match your post. And no, SAHM's are not lazy The judgement comes from jealousy, because, yes being a SAHM is a better life for many women than having to go out to work as well..... Especially when the children are at school. It's an easier life than having to work as well, and I don't think anyone can deny that, but they are not 'lazy.'

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So you’re policing people’s thoughts 🤣 People can hold any opinion they want. Voicing the opinion is the issue.

I used to vastly overestimate what I could get done child free while DD was at a play date for an hour or similar which somehow made the day feel more hectic than not having child free time. I think this is a thing pambeeslyhalpert, especially when you take into account the 'what do I do first?' panic that consumes the initial ten minutes of child free productivity..

I was full time working parent when my kids was small. Do I think SAHP are lazy? I dont have a strong opinion either way as its none of my business how each family unit operate.

I do know that when I was younger a couple of SAHP worked harder than me, 1 has a severely disabled child who needed round the clock attention as well as looking after her older child. Another took on caring responsibilities for her elderly and extremely poorly parents.
Others had an easier time, fair play to them, but I dont think they were lazy.

The perfect response!

I mean it’s almost like they’re a cross section of people

Are working mums lazy

Yes
No
Sometimes

are tall mums lazy

Yes
No
Sometimes

Does anyone really care that much how a household is organised outside their own?

Ok ..
But you don't always know the persons situation.
I had 3 under 3 ,so I could get back to work asap .
Two got diagnosed with disabilities,and one was unbelievably violent.
I had to keep the others safe from him , despite him being expelled from one mainstream school and two special schools.
No help from family ,no help from husband as he's working away .
So I was on my own with 4 kids ,two out of school ,two in school ,one causing injuries to the others ..but still I was judged for not working.
They are adults now ..and I still can't leave him alone with the other one ,and he needs someone with him all the time ..neither of them have ever left the house alone ..ever ...
Just saying ..I'm a SAHM ..but no one would know that is my situation

Historically, housewives looked after the house. As in cooking/ cleaning/ washing. Not childcare as before modern machines those tasks took all day.

From potty trained and walking (which was about 18 months) children were sent out to play with neighbours/ siblings and would be brought back for dinner. Babies (under 18 months) screamed in a playpen all day while mums had to do the chores.

This was common even in my grandparents day so living memory. So historically, children spending all day with other children (like a modern nursery) was typical.

In terms of if SAHP are lazy, if pre school aged/ SEN definately not, if secondary school aged probably but lots of people would if they could.

Depends on a person, some are lazy, some are not. It is not like it is a special breed of their own people - like everywhere, there are lazy teachers and not lazy teachers, lazy doctors and not lazy doctors, the list goes on. You would be surprised, there are some lazy Olympic medallists - loads of interviews on YouTube with coaches, fascinating.
I have never been a sahm, but I have a glowing example of my SIL, who was a sahm, who brought up bilingual children (French) who can cook, sew, mend electric circuits (I kid you not), play the piano (no music teacher) and she ran the house better than any housekeeper. She was also tutoring dc, so obviously saved a load of money (she was using online and YouTube resources) - as a result her state school children turned out better educated than my private school dc. She was amazing and is amazing, but I am sure there are lazy ones too.

I said of school age children

I think the crucial thing that gets missed, is that working parents (who can't afford to outsource the domestic load) have to fit in all the jobs a SAHP does PLUS an additional 40 hours of paid labour as well. For many working parents it isn't either/or - it's both. When I was on maternity leave it was wonderful because I could do all of the domestic stuff and mental load in the daytime and collapse onto the sofa in the evening to recover. I know this is controversial but I actually found mat leave a dream, it was so much easier to manage life when I only had to focus on the children and home! Now, I have to squeeze all of that stuff into early mornings and evenings around my full time job - it doesn't just go away because I also have a paid job!

Had it a lot with my first, I was only a sahm for the first couple of years. I was only 16 and quite timid so an easy target for people’s bullshit.

There’s a lot of people who only voice their big opinions to people they know will take it

I’m a SAHM to 2 primary aged kids and I enjoy the freedom it affords me.

I can also still hold a conversation with intellectuals and highly educated people in subjects other than my children or the housework because I’m not an idiot, I am also educated and intelligent.

What do you do in the 8 hours of daily routine childcare, just concentrate on the children 100% or do you manage to walk to shops/park, cook lunch, include them in household chores. I understand children need attention but when I was at home I managed to include the children in alot of life stuff that I now have to do outside work hours.

I'm not policing anyone's thoughts.

I'm just observing that the pp is as negative and judgemental about WOHPs as some people are about SAHPs.

I don't personally think that kind of attitude is helpful, whether people express it or not.

I was SAHM for about 3 years to 2under2 - went back to work when my youngest was 18m it was WAY easier than working and still doing all the mum stuff that needs doing anyway. They are 4 and 5 now and that time at home with them was the best time of my life.

But I imagine a SAHP to 3 or 4 with complex needs and a school run to juggle is harder than me floating around the garden centre café with a sleepy new-born and a cheerful toddler.

Everyone's situation is different.

It's widely known that nursery is not the best place for under 3s. Perhaps you'd like to show me where I've made myself out to be superior?

I also find working full time is a lot less effort than looking after young children 24/7.

I suppose once the kids start school there's no reason not to get a job, unless you are wealthy enough not to need to. Up until then you basically either work to pay someone else to look after your child or do it yourself. For some it's financially worth staying in employment and others cut their cloth accordingly and live off one wage until their child starts school.
Parenting is hard work and exhausting. T he cooking, cleaning, baby and toddler groups etc I guess none of that is compulsory though and you could sit your child in front of cbeebies all day and put your feet up - now THAT would be classed as lazy!

It also depends on the level of involment of the other parent. Bouncing through the door at 5pm daily, doing a fair share of child care and house duties, including overnight issues?

Or away for weeks at a time, often at short notice.

I did get some comments. Fine when they young you are kept busy. I do find it weird being home when they 19 though! But my friend wont work now she too long out of work. So each to their own.

I don’t think SAHP are lazy. For me personally, being a SAHP was way easier than being a working parent on me and the kids. Just the logistics of working around illness, school holidays etc alongside the stress of working a job that never truly allows me to switch off. But that’s just me; for others it may well be the other way around.

I agree. For most working parents it’s not a case of buying in help to do the domestic chores. You do those in addition to working.

It wasn’t the norm. It was only the norm for those that could afford it. Plenty of working class women always had to work out of the home.