AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

[Fluffyscrubberdo]

As a stay at home mum how often do you get this judgement online vs real life?
It seems no one really says it in real life but there seems to be so much vitriol on here that there must be a fair amount of people who think it.
Has anyone made a rude comment to you in person?
Or are you a person who think sahm’s are lazy?

AIBU to think sometimes a sahm is in a family’s best interest?

Hi all,
We're removing troll hunting posts from this thread because as it stands we don't believe that this poster is a troll - however there is no doubt that this is a provocative line to take on Mumsnet. We're happy for you to discuss it, but please do remember our age-old guidelines. Those who don't wish to discuss whether or not it's unreasonable to think that stay at home mums are lazy (!) are of course free to move on to one of our other discussion threads.

I don’t think they are lazy but of course they have way more time once kids are in school. The school SAHM’s I know go for coffee and then a long gym session after school drop off, before going home to do chores etc. I’m a bit jealous!

That's absolutely not the only difference.

I don't think a SAHM is lazy at all as often their DH/DP expects them to do everything and therefore they are "working" 247.

It's absolutely not advisable to be a SAHM if you are not married as you are very vulnerable if the relationship ends.

You are at a disadvantage being an SAHM being out of the workplace I think/missing out on a workplace pension.

I think working part-time is the best answer. So many employers offer flexible working these days.

I don't like the model of (1) man with a big job and (2) SAHM as i think it's bad for equality in society overall

And TBH the SAHM near me, secondary school children, have a pretty easy life

And I think it's risky to be financially dependent someone else

But clearly different if you have several preschool children with additional support needs

I am a SAHM and yes totally lazy rest is resistance to me 💫

I think it's possible to be working and be a lazy person and it's possible to not be working and not be lazy. I could quite my job now (not that I can afford to) and I still wouldn't be a lazy person because I would go for hours long walks in the mountains with my dog and I would still cycle to do my food shopping, go to the gym, renovate my home, spend time with my friends, do my volunteering etc.. I would just do more of the physically active things and a lot less of sitting in front of a computer.

AIBU to think sometimes a sahm is in a family’s best interest?

I don't think so. I think that the way Society is set up, is not doing any favours for a lot of people. As usual the more vulnerable members of Society suffer, especially the Children.

I think people can forget as time goes on how hard kids can be for extended periods of time. So in generalist terms the older the population the more inclined to think it's easy and sahm should do morem. Also most men haven't had an extended period of time being a sahp.
I was sahp for 7 years. Never again!

Mmmmmmmm without working parents no ICU I’ve ever worked in would have been staffed…….

Sometimes our choices benefit others.

You have asked two contradictory AIBUs! You can’t know which one people have answered so your results are meaningless.

And why are SAHMs always getting the slagging for being ‘lazy’. Why not working dads with SAHWs?. After all, a SAHW means they have opted out of working AND domestic drudgery/ looking after the kids. leaving only the work bit to do. So why are they never called lazy?

And despite not being a SAHM ( I work full time with kids) I have firmly come to nelieve that the vitriol on here is borne of jealousy. Why else would anyone care how another family freely decide to organise their lives?

I’m sure some are lazy and some aren’t, in the same way as working people. My MIL is just naturally a lazy person, she’s had periods of SAHM and working, she would have been lazy in both! Now she’s retired and can be lazy all she likes! (Jealous!).

SAHMs are not lazy by nature at all, especially those with young children who will be very busy!

I don’t know many SAHMs as I live and work in London and kids go to state school, most families have 2 working parents (usually 1 part time). In the private schools I imagine there are more 1 very high earner and 1 SAHP.

my friends husband was a SAHD for a few years, you’d struggle to call him lazy im not sure I’ve ever seen the man sitting, he’s always on the go doing something.

SAHP benefit others: the spouse and the kids.

Yes I think it can make sense for a family unit to have a SAHM.

SAHM with younger children - absolutely not lazy!!

SAHM with older children/teenagers - I don’t really see how they’re doing anything different to what a working parent would have to do at home. Unless they don’t get any support from their DP. I don’t think I’d use the word lazy but by that age they probably have a much easier life than parents trying to juggle work and everything else.

Nothing in your post makes any sense.

I don’t admire them, and def don’t want to be one. When kids are at school, it’s much easier than juggling a job and kids, but I don’t think that makes them ‘lazy’ as such. Anyway, I don’t give it any thought in real life.

I think everyone is different and people are complicated.

I personally found working much easier than looking after my own children. But I think a lot of that is that I am an introvert and find parenting quite intense. Also I find working quite easy and satisfying - I have a senior professional role but I know what I'm doing and I'm highly valued for it

I only ever worked weekends when dc were under school age and then just 20 hours a week.
I wasn’t lazy but I certainly had a lovely, easy life.
I have wonderful memories of sitting in the garden with friends, drinking tea, dc playing. My pension is shit and if Dh had left me I would have been screwed financially but luckily it worked out and I feel very privileged to have had that choice.

Ooh I like that you said brava not bravo.

Why the title? Because you don't think that at all. 🙄

You know something, this is actually preferable to the woman who admits she uses the affair that led to her marriage for trolling and goading (her words). I guess we should take it.

I think SAHM is a solution to an issue, managing childcare and the home, in the early childhood years.

I also think SAHM's are mad to do it. They leave themselves very vulnerable as the thousands of SAHM's on MN who have been shafted by their exes prove. I would never have been a SAHM having seen exactly that happen to my mum.

If you want to end your life in poverty, be a SAHM. It's too big a risk.

I don’t think SAHMs are lazy. I couldn’t do it personally. The idea of relying on someone else financially just makes my skin crawl to be honest . I just find the notion of a woman giving up her career and the man being the one who works really old fashioned and not appealing. Then again I grew up in a household where both parents worked .

I wouldn’t use the word lazy. When she had three under four and no help from my workaholic dad, things must have been hard. But once we went to school, I did used to wonder what she did all day. She never had to work and never did (was an academic, but didn’t do anything with that once we arrived). She didn’t like cooking, or cleaning, so I presume she had a lovely time wafting through life with similar friends, lol.

So you judge others' choices but don't like them judging yours?

I don't think SAHPs are lazy but I think you sound just as negative and judgemental about WOHMs as people who describe SAHMs as lazy sound about SAHPs.