AIBU to think SAHMs are lazy?

[Fluffyscrubberdo]

As a stay at home mum how often do you get this judgement online vs real life?
It seems no one really says it in real life but there seems to be so much vitriol on here that there must be a fair amount of people who think it.
Has anyone made a rude comment to you in person?
Or are you a person who think sahm’s are lazy?

AIBU to think sometimes a sahm is in a family’s best interest?

You are the one who brought up 'being able to support yourself' after having a child. I'm trying to work out why you think you would need to?

By this I mean that other families just see all monies as shared anyway, regardless of who earns what. So the decision to have a SAHM is 'can we afford it as a family?' Not 'you earn your money and I'll earn mine.'

I have always assumed that as an adult, it is my responsibility to support myself. Why would that change just because I had a child?

So you have the baby with no expectation of being able to rely on the DH financially at all (if the need arises)? You expect to self-fund your maternity and that's it. He doesn't see any need to share finances with you, as the mother of his own child? Is this the idea?

I have always assumed that when you decide to have children, your first responsibility was towards them and to support them first. If that means the family works better with one parent at home, and everybody is happy, surely it's good thing? No one is being a martyr, but if "supporting yourself" means not putting the child first when you could, why bother having children in the first place

not how we have set up the finances, but that's not relevant here. I have observed that another person can choose to support you, but they can also choose to stop. And yes yes legally depending on the country they may have an obligation to support their spouse or the other parent during parental leave, but that's often not enforceable. I am not comfortable with this and want to make sure I am always personally able to financially support myself and my children, whether someone else contributes or not.

yes, different people have different opinions about what putting children first means. Therefore we also take our respective different decisions.

It's one thing wanting to feel you are not financially vulnerable. I completely get that obviously. But it's another thing having a baby with a man who insists on separate finances, even after you are married. If my daughters were ever in this type of relationship I would tell them to run for the hills. Literally run. If my son ever thought this was ok, I would feel we had failed as parents.

My husband may earn the money, but I provide the food, clothes and shoes, etc with that money.
I am the one who does the shopping to provide those things, without me doing that, the money wound sit in my husband’s bank account.

i also provide them with with love, time, and experiences while my husband works.

i am an equal parent as my husband, it’s a shame your mind is too narrow to consider that

It’s not about needing “uniform approval” I don’t need approval from anyone to be a SAHM the same way I don’t need to approve a WOHM.

but the arrogance of some posters who cannot seem to consider that a SAHM has a place in some families is baffling

But it's another thing having a baby with a man who insists on separate finances

the issue for me with joint finances and one earner is that the finances are only there until the earner decides otherwise. I am probably too paranoid due to what I have seen (in my professional life, luskily no personal experiences) and of course in many cases it works out just fine, but I am not personally comfortable with the risk.

I had one child, when I was 43. It was a total triumph, we travelled for six months when he was eight, because DH survived a mahoosive health crisis.

No it depends on the individual situation. For example caring for multiple young DC with complex medical needs, is very hard emotional and physical labour.

IMO a short term arrangement with a fair division between partners in general is better for equality in families and society.

SAHP do have significantly more leisure time if they have DC at school, so it depends what they do in that time - for example they could be running local community projects.

Why are you assuming it is the man insisting on separate finances? I would never be with a man who insisted on joint finances.