Blended family finances

[PersephoneMidnight]

Regular user who has name changed. I am in the process of purchasing my first house with my partner of 10 years. I have a large down payment which consists of a combination of my own savings and an inheritance from my grandfather who died 2 years ago. It’s about half the purchase price, my partner is also contributing to the deposit but only has around £50k. We are disagreeing about how the house will be owned. He is pushing for joint tenants 50/50 whereas I want to be tenants in common with our deposits ringfenced. For context He is 39 earning 52k, he has two teenage daughters who live with us 50% of the week. I am 32 earning 75k with no dependents. We currently rent and split everything 50/50 but I do pay for our holidays, takeaways and days out. I also treat my step daughters with clothes, makeup and give them pocket money £20 a week each and pay for the phones. My partner does pay his ex wife CM £150 a week and covers the kids extra curriculars as she is a low earner.

He thinks I’m being selfish by not agreeing to a joint tenancy and sharing finances after 10 years. I think he is being unreasonable to expect me to basically gift him half of my grandfathers money. We are not married and never will be that’s my choice, I also do not want children. We have never had a joint account or shared finances as he has children and expenses that I do not.

I’m aware that mumsnet normally tells people to have joint finances etc but I feel really uncomfortable about this. I do love my partner and step daughters and they are included in my will but this seems a step too far, aibu?

You have no shared parental responsibility and I think that means you protect your own financial interests. My partner earns significantly more than me and we have a declaration of trust outlining which percentage of the property each of us will leave with should there be a relationship breakdown, this directly relates to the deposit we’ve put down. Obviously we’re hoping to never have to think about it but that is a completely fair deal considering we don’t, and never will, have children together. I don’t understand why that is an issue for your OH as it’ll only affect anyone should you separate, and in that case it would benefit only him financially. I think that makes sense if you’re planning on starting a family together and the lower earner will be taking a career break or go part time to raise children but otherwise you’d be crazy to agree to that!

For some context my ex-husband benefited from a percentage of the house sale in our divorce that I’d put the deposit down for, but we had children together and wanted us both to be able to provide a decent place for them to live. So I’m not opposed to combining finances if you have decided to start a family together.

Don’t back down on this and leave yourself financially vulnerable. Your OH will benefit from living in the nicer house you can afford for as long as you stay together and can leave with the same financial percentage he has contributed if you separate. That is fair in this situation.

👍💰

Yanbu.
Completely off point (and me being nosey), what do you and DP do for jobs? Are you willing to share those details? Those are really decent salaries

Don't buy a house with someone you are not related to. If you do, you need to be tenants in common.

Listen to the Lawyer!! Tenants in Common all the way!

I don’t want to be too specific as my partner’s job and disability are very identifiable. He is self employed in the fitness industry. I work in the accountancy and financial services industry. Yes our salaries are decent but we live near London so costs are high. Plus I have not always earned as much, I have had multiple promotions and pay rises over the past 10 years to get here and worked very hard a uni to get my degree.

Thanks OP.
I'm just asking as it's not always a 'given' that having a degree ensures a well paid job...but of course, ambition and hard work are also required...
DD (16) is thinking about careers so I thought I'd ask :)

Are you in the UK?

Posting in the middle of the night?

Absolutely ring fence your contribution. My DP and I are not married but share two children. I earn more and pay for all house renovations and put in a much larger deposit. We are tenants in common and have ring fenced our individual investments. It’s not about feeling hurt about the other person’s outlook on the relationship- anything could happen. If he were to die his daughters would have a right to half the house.

My DSister was very judgemental about our tenants in common agreement and told me that her and DP didn’t need one because their relationship was a lot more secure than ours (yes, she can be a bit of a cow). Two years later they had a major split and she had to buy him out of the house and he rinsed her. She ended up losing a lot of money when she sold.

If he objects that loudly he sounds like an arse and I’d be rethinking buying with him.

You are clearly his golden goose. In other words you are a pet that belongs to him and the golden eggs which you provide also belong to him. That's why he's pushing hard to establish his ownership of them.

Well done for sticking to your guns and for your caring, balanced approach to a blended family.
It sounds like you are sorted and going ahead with tenants in common. If your DP is still upset by this then there is another option, which is that you reduce your contribution to match his (so about ~£100K in total for the deposit) and keep the remainder of your savings/inheritance. That way it would be fair to go ahead as joint tenants.
Of course you would both take a financial hit as your joint mortgage would be higher and the terms wouldn't be as good. Still, you could sound him out about that as an option.
On the topic of joint accounts... You can each have sole current accounts plus a joint current account. This is what my joint tenant (aka DP) and I do and it does make life easier.

@PersephoneMidnight well done. I hope your partner and step daughters realise how lucky they are to have you in their lives. 👏

There are a couple of ways to deal with this:

1. split the title say 70/30 ownership (or whatever number makes sense to reflect deposits etc) or
2. enter a contract that secures the repayment of your deposit on sale
3. hold the title 50/50 with a standard security in your favour for the value of the deposit. This might be trickier if it's a 2nd ranking security if you need a mortgage

Good luck 🤞🏻