WIBU to divorce due to DH quitting his job whilst I’m a SAHM?

[Ilovechristmasssssssssssss]

We have young children under the age of 5.

I’m a SAHM whilst DH works (which we are both in agreement with). He has a high earning role, but has been increasingly unhappy with the politics of the job.

He came home and announced that he is quitting tomorrow. Nothing lined up but says he will ‘make it work’. Worst case scenario we will have to sell our home and downsize.

Despite him having a well paid role, we have zero savings as our outgoings are high and due to some other factors. We have a minimum debt payment of £3,000 per month (DH brings home approx £10,000 per month).

I am considering telling him that it’s over between us if he does this. I am fed up of picking up everything family-wise for him to just throw our lives into turmoil like this.

Tell him to off sick for a while, rage quitting is never wise. It’s so much easier to get a job when you have a job. A few friends I have that rage quit took a lot longer to get a role and took a pay/grade cut. If he is stressed he has my sympathy, high earning roles normally expect a lot of you in return

Have you a holiday booked?

Because he earns well and my contribution is more valuable to our home and family than financially.

Great time for him to learn then.

Wiukd you seriously rather your husband just plodded on in a job that’s making him miserable? In a high earning job that can be incredibly stressful and I’ve seen first hand the impact that can have on a persons mental health.

Maybe it’s time you showed your husband some support and took on some financial responsibility yourself? A job paying half the bills is better than no job at all.

and me, but I didn't say she had to earn 10k.

choice between two parents at home and one working and earning minimum wage, surely that's preferable? I'm waiting for the long drip feed backstory but taking it at face value, if DH announced tomorrow he could no longer work, I'd accept that one of us has to abd in the short term my lower earning potential is better than nothing.

Being the sole breadwinner is really tough
all every well you offering advice and guidance but maybe picking up that with him … 🤷‍♀️

Not if you don’t have any income coming in it’s not.

can he rely on you? going gets tough and your response is to walk away.

No. I’d rather him get a job and then leave.

There isn’t stress in the way you are thinking. It is DH not wanting to be involved with a project going forward as there is difference in opinion.

YANBU to divorce him due to issues in your relationship, with his parenting and/or actions over this, if you want to.

It was irresponsible of him to resign without another job lined up when you have DC. debt etc

Being sole earner is not ‘one job’. Many people are unwilling to be sole earner, at all or after a period of doing it. If he’s no longer willing to be sole earner and wants you to get a job too, that’s not U, but his communication has been poor.

I’ve been here through tough times, hence the debt currently being repaid.

In what world is a SAHM walking into a job that brings in 10k a month? What a ridiculous suggestion.

You can't just decide tomorrow that you're not longer doing any of the child rearing or housework. These are your roles and you both rely on eachother to fulfil your roles.

He needs to find an alternative income before leaving.

DH hates his job. We have talked at length about it and he is going to quit. In a year. We are starting a business now that in a year should be bringing in more than his wages do now. It's been our side hustle for a while, we know the drill, we're pretty confident in it. He won't leave unless we are being successful though. I am a SAHM, I will be sharing the financial load, he will be sharing the child and home load. We have talked at length and come to an agreement, we are a team and above all else he knows he has a responsibility to provide for his children.

You don't get to drop your responsibilities to your children.

Clearly this is the last, huge straw for you. YANBU to decide you don't want to be married to him anymore.

I would leave a man that would dump our family in the absolute shit like this because he doesn't like his job. Tough shit, we all have to do things we don't like, your kids still need to eat.

We have always agreed - DH takes care of our finances, I take care of the children.

he doesn’t get to just quit his job and demand I now do it all.

Neither can he rely on you…

DH did this to me. But we have a better relationship than you. I believed he would sort something quickly (he did) and was ok with downsizing house and outgoings if we needed to. He was miserable at work and didn’t have capacity to plan the next thing while working because his job was so full on. We did have a bit of savings though (had lived frugally so we could) and could have called on family for short term help if needed. I went back to work when kiddos started school.

i think you don’t like your H.

I’d ask that he stays on until he has another role planned. You need to start working again. Budget for contingencies going forward.

It could be he is struggling and doesn’t know how to tell you.

‘my contribution is more valuable to our home and family than financially’

Money is necessary though. If he’s unwilling to be the sole earner, or you divorce, you will need to get a job too.

"going gets tough" doesn't count when one person is actively choosing to make it tough on their family.

Tbh if I was in your position I would tell him to suck it up while he find another job. “Making it work” is fine when you don’t have bills to pay and mouths to feed - he needs to give his head a wobble. The job market is shit ATM, he needs a reality check I think.

Yes I will. But I’m thinking I’d rather be skint for a while and go it alone and go back to work, rather than being skint and in a relationship with someone who’s chosen to put us in this position.

Things change 🤷‍♀️

Its time to start paying your own way

I feel like you’re not genuine about divorce but rather want to weaponise the threat of divorce to make him not quit a job that has clearly put him at his wits end. That’s coercion and control.

You two should discuss it. Yes he should look for another job without quitting this one unless this job is truly damaging his health. Issuing threats of divorce is not the way to convey this message. It also signals that you’re not open to discussing a way forward. It’s quite possible that he could resign tomorrow and have another job within a week or two. That’s not going to affect your finances much in the long run.

You talk about someone to rely on, but you aren’t someone he can rely on right now. It’s all on him because you have chosen to be a SAHM. You both agreed that, but maybe it’s not working out due to insecurity of jobs, the high cost of living, and so on. It’s unreasonable to never be flexible in the face of changing circumstances.

What is his notice period? I would be looking at cutting back on all expenses and finding whatever work I could. You still haven’t explained how you get through 7k a month. I’m awaiting the massive back story to be honest.

What weird logic - it doesnt make sense. Are you worried what people will be saying down the tennis club or something??

The biggest mistake a woman can make.

If he's not being pushed out he needs to line up another job before he quits like the rest of us would