Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

No, it’s actually correct etiquette to start before your food goes cold.

And they may indeed be pointless but there are times in life when you might need to know and use those rules.

I agree.

I know it is meant kindly, so I try not to be annoyed, but it can feel a bit like they are still demanding your attention after they have left as you now have a big urgent pile to deal with.

Men wearing a hat/cap on during a funeral. There was one at my dad’s funeral wearing one. I was furious, especially when I heard him complaining to his mother that somebody had asked him to take it off and his mother saying she didn’t understand what was the problem.

To add insult to injury really, as my dad wouldn’t tolerate ANYONE wearing a cap inside his house. He just thought it was very disrespectful.

Your point re crowded pavements has become a real mid life bug bear of mine. I've even started writing complaint emails on the subject!

Don’t have an example at the moment but your OP reminded me of Diane Morgan as Ann Droid in the trailer; ‘How much do you weigh?’ 😂.

Also, after a while, the rules start to feel needed just for people's sensibilities. For example the peas thing: I think lots of people would feel uncomfortable watching peas being loaded onto an upturned fork and shovelled in en masse, so it ends up being not far away from people talking with their mouth full, ie; just a bit unpleasant if it isn't followed.

To do this, people normally load the fork from the side, which is a motion that really gives me the ick - I guess just because it IS convention.

Good grief it’s 40 pages already and I’ve only just read the OP!

Basic acknowledgement of other people's existence.

I know that people are trying to be helpful but I really resent when visitors offer to help clean the kitchen after dinner,,, late at night.

I have had people insisting on “helping” me clean after midnight, when I am so tired after the cooking and entertaining I just want for them to leave, go to bed and sort the kitchen in the morning.

The ones who won’t take no for an anwer really get my goat. I have a dishwasher, I want to go to bed, I don’t want to spend another hour cleaning, just want them out of the door pronto!

Your number 5 totally agree! Too many times I've seen someone assume that an older parent is a child's grandparent.

Things like using the back of the fork only, sipping from the side of a soup spoon, tilting your soup bowl away from you, were all designed to slow down on the eating process, because only poor working people tucked into their food with gusto. Any sign that you were hungry, like bringing your food towards you or taking large mouthfuls, were considered common and just not done by the gentry.

I'm not sure this is true, about these rules being designed to slow down the eating process. Tilting your soup bowl away was to make it less likely you would splash yourself. And how else would you get soup off the soup spoon apart from sipping from the side? Putting it in end on would involve a huge sweep of the arm and elbow, and risk not only knocking someone beside you, but also it getting bumped all over you as well. I think etiquette designed to limit arm and elbow waving is just common sense - even if it makes it a bit slower as an unintended effect.

I agree that loosening of rules is fine, so, for example, sipping soup from a mug instead of using bowls and spoons. But using the old methods and abandoning the precautions seems wrong to me.

You do still thank people who wait behind an obstacle on their side so you can continue even though they're supposed to and you shouldn't have to wait.

@FalseSpring- I don’t presume, but I was always taught that if someone is indicating and the lane next to you is empty, you move over to let them out.

Only if the hostess invites you to.

Who are these people who feel terribly uncomfortable watching other people eat peas?! I need to know so I can make sure I never dine with them (and I don't even like peas). 😅

This actually happened to me this week & I cursed the guests after they left!

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

I'm Irish and had no idea this was rude 🤔

It would take me a year to finish my peas if I couldn't scoop them.

Totally agree. I was very upset when a car overtook the hearse and the two cars containing close family members at my Dad’s funeral cortège. I had to try and convince myself the driver was rushing to take a woman in advanced labour to hospital.
When cars do stop or give way it is a comfort, it feels as thought they are showing respect to your loved one which you really appreciate (which they are, I suppose)

Peas be upon us 😀

When my friend failed her driving test first time she took it, one of the faults was that she was driving too slowly. She said she was stuck behind a funeral procession a good part of the way, and didn't want to overtake.

That's not good for you. You'll wash the coating off. That's where all the vitamin B is.

Me and DP open each other's too, whoever gets there first opens it. I can't see any issue with that, so long as you're not hiding things from each other.

Packages are different, we open our own. Post that is obviously a greetings card is opened by the name on the envelope. But general post like statements etc, either of us can open, and bring the other's attention to it if it's something we need to look at.