Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I remember my grandmother putting her head round neighbours' doors and calling out, "Yoo-hoo! Mrs. Brown!" and then walking in. They always called each other "Mrs" unless related or older than the person they were addressing! So even old school friends as far as I know were addressed that way.

I would look at photos on walls as I figure they are there for people to see. Reading inside a card is a different matter; I do have relations who think it's OK to do this to a relation, apparently...they probably wouldn't to friends.

When I was briefly at boarding school as a child the matrons would read any letters the kids left out, e.g. on a bed. I thought this a violation. I got into trouble over a midnight feast because I'd left a draft letter home on my bed and matron read it!

Talking about money all the time

i have been in a circumstance when it was their name but my address. We had rented the house out while abroad and several of the renters (it was a house share before HMO's) didn't bother to get mail redirected or change addresses. I did the return to sender thing but the mail kept coming so I opened the mail and contacted the senders. Perfectly legal.

Yes but it’s for situations where someone has moved, or the item has been incorrectly addressed

If a letter comes through your door with a return address or logo you know, you may assume its for you without looking. We once had a letter from the Council, opened it and were bewildered that it was a threat of action unless we removed our plants from obstructing the road (they weren't). Only after looking belatedly at the envelope did we see it had come through the wrong door. We had to reseal it and send it to our nasty neighbours with a certain feeling of pleasure..😅

I agree. But social conventions are made to be broken, and I will continue to ignore it!

I went to a funeral today, catholic, the lady who died was very proper, everyone was dressed appropriately but not all black, mostly black or dark colours. Some wore trainers and flip flops. But at least two mobiles went off loudly not just once, how difficult can it be to put your mobile on silent for a funeral?

Not so much these days, but it annoyed me when people would get on the bus, then start rummaging for their money. You knew the bus was coming, why not get your fare ready?

I was on a bus once when a woman waiting at a stop had a good moan to the driver about the bus being late. Then she started looking for her bus pass. I was wondering why she couldn't have used the time she was waiting to find it. What with her moaning and then faffing about finding her bus pass, she was holding the bus up even more.

(And it wasn't actually particularly late. And it ran every 15 mins, so there was always another one coming along.)

A red light is a red light and drivers would have to stop whether there were any other people or vehicles about or not, so that's not the same thing at all. It is not a personal interaction.

Thanking people who stop at a zebra crossing or give way to you is just a nice, courteous thing to do. It is good manners and polite. it brightens your day. Much nicer than getting a resting bitch face or being ignored.

It's a pity there are so many boorish, entitled and downright rude adults about. One of the first things we teach children is to say please and thank you, but there are so few adult role models for them to copy.

My step mum read a letter to me from my sister when I was young. Unfortunately, the letter wasn't very complimentary about her, with my sister saying she couldn't believe how controlling she was being. My dad had a go at me about it.

She was a nosy controlling cow though. She used to listen to our phonecalls in the days when you could pick up the other phone in the house and listen in. She would always deny it by saying she had no interests in teenage girls phonecalls and my dad would believe her but she 100% did. We could hear the click of her picking it up and her breating!

Sitting in an office while a co worker sniffs constantly. Even saying something to them they still do it

@Suchevilforebodings omg you've just reminded me of a similar situation when I was younger! I wrote a scathing letter about mum to my brother, it was in my room but not out on display. She found it whilst 'tidying up', read it, then her and dad sat me down to tell me how hurtful it had been to read and made me justify it. One of those things where as a kid you didn't question being in trouble, but now in hindsight...serves you right for snooping in someone else's stuff!!!

You slide the left thumb under the soup plate's rim nearest your torso and lift that side of the plate slightly. Then scoop the soup out with the spoon in your right hand, thus maximising the amount of plate space it can drip on.

No, make sense it does not. But it'll allow you to eat soup with the crankiest members of arguably Cambridge's crankiest college undisturbed. Kidding, of course.... They'll definitely find something wrong with you.

And in that way it does make sense: to distinguish in- from outgroup. VERY important in those parts.

I always send a thank-you card when I have been to dinner at someone's house or stayed with them overnight or for a gift they have given me.

I notice this is no longer a standard social thing.

Many people will text instead which is fine I guess but there are an awful lot who do nothing at all

Can't read 36 pages to see if I'm repeating, but just to get it off my chest.

Gobsmacked by the amount of people who don't say thank you for coming/a gift after kids birthdays! I don't care about the method, text, email, card, even if it's just a blanket statement! It's (imo) soooo rude.

Although, funnily enough, I feel completely the opposite way about Christmas presents - no thank you needed.

How hypocritical of me 😂

I remember a supermarket or public health campaign to stop people washing chicken because it actually spreads more germs because of splashes around the sink or people not thoroughly washing their hands and getting germs on the towel. It no longer needs it because it is washed before being packed.

Enquiring about children's parentage i have three children the middle one is blonde the two either side dark brown i used to have questions from strangers about them "same dad?" Just rude

No thanks required for Christmas presents? Why?

Correct. That's what a spoon is for.

Sorry, I don't get this either. Pillows and duvets aren't stuffed with ducks, though they can be stuffed with duck feathers. So it's still doesn't make sense to me for someone to say you can get down from a duck.

soooo cool

where do you think duck down comes from?

Oh I knew at the time she shouldn't have read my letter and said so. I wasn't that young - I lived with them between the ages of 13-16 so I was definitely entitled to some privacy I reckon.
She said it caught her eye because she saw her name so she read it.
Yeah, saw your name from my drawer did you?
But I got in trouble and they called my sister, who was a young adult at the time and had a go at her too.
There was loads of very private stuff in the letter about my sisters own life and her boyfriend. Stuff you don't want your dad to see, and they read the lot.

That you don't correct other people's manners in public.

If someone did something wrong at dinner, the late Queen and DOE would copy their behaviour so as not to embarrass them.

I've always cringed massively when one of my friends tries to top trumps her knowledge of manners, whilst making a total tit of herself in the process.