Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

The name of the recipient is normally on the outside of the envelope or package !

Just a couple of nights ago, I met up with friends A & B. Friend A works in a professional job requiring confidentiality. Friend B had recently got a new client who turned out to be colleague of Friend A.

I was very surprised when Friend B immediately asked Friend A what she thought of the client. Friend A declined to comment, but Friend B persisted in trying to get Friend A's opinions. I had to step in and say that Friend A was correct in keeping thoughts on her colleague to herself. I thought it was universally understood that you don't ask people their opinions of other people, especially not in a professional environment, and also that it was rude to persist when it was clear the Friend A had no intention of being drawn on the subject. It made for a very uncomfortable 5 minutes!

I genuinely can't see any reason why you would need to scoop any of that, except for maybe the cous cous.

But with cous cous, you with mix it with something else on your plate or you use a fork gently to break up any clumps, then switch to a spoon to scoop the grains.

The very, very fine feathers close to a duck's body are called down... the "joke"/lesson was that it is not possible to get "down" from a table as down comes from ducks...

Well a funeral procession is just the hearse and hire cars for the family. I would certainly go in if there was a space.
While travelling in convoy is not illegal in the UK, the funeral must obey the traffic rules. They should not disrupt the traffic flow or try and stop you from going when you can.

I’d go further and say don’t ask people if they have any kids

So you can scoop with a spoon, just not a fork?

I've opened someone else's post before and it was a genuine mistake; it looked like something I was expecting for myself through the post. Can't remember what, but it was something like the envelope was stamped with 'NHS'.

Why would you open someone’s else letters?

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/42908/i-eat-my-peas-with-honey

Can you read? Everyone in my house did it. I joined until I realised it wasn’t the done thing. Light hearted post..

I'm guessing you live in London. Most people l know still adhere to those rules but I live in the provinces. If someone did not obey the unwritten rules, there would be a lot of tutting and pointed glances and the offender would normally be shamed into conformity.

We did. Hence this line in my post
He made it clear that that was the only dish he would eat

So you got prawn balls for everyone and another portion for your ds?

My Mum never knocked on doors. She was brought up in an area where everyone knew everyone else and doors were just left unlocked. People thought nothing of walking in without knocking to see a neighbour.

She was appalled when I got my own place and my door was locked when she came to visit, but I always thought it was rude to just walk in, regardless of how well you know who lives there. What if they're having a bit of fun during the day? Walking around stark naked?

I also wouldn't dream of seeing birthday/Christmas/anniversary cards out and just reading through them, but a lot of people have done that when visiting me. I'm more bemused than annoyed there, though.

No. He said he would like prawn balls but that it was the only dish he would eat so if others wanted them they needed to order another portion. No one said "let's get 2 then because I would like some". Which is what we did with every other dish
"how many people will eat x?"
"8? OK let's get 2 portions then"
Or whatever.

And it wasn't me that ordered. So if other people didn't speak up/ ask for more to be added that's their problem.

These ladies might have had difficulties hearing the actors and were trying to adjust the settings on the App. I only realised when my DH got hearing aids how limiting and restricting loss of hearing is and how frustrating and fiddly hearing aids can be. I think it's a major reason for the exclusion of older people from society.

Oh hang on!!!! you can get DOWN from a DUCK!!!!!

The feathers! Down!! realisation dawns!!

My grandma used to wander in and out of our house without knocking. Later, when she was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, she walked into the wrong house. Luckily, the owner worked in a care home and wasn’t that fazed.

When I was younger, I did assume that if greetings cards were on display, then it was fine for visitors to read them. I don’t do that anymore but I still look at any framed photos on the walls.

If I have peas with my dinner, and we do quite a lot, I never have a forkful of peas on their own. So say it was haddock, chips and peas. I would have on my fork a bit of the fish, a bit of a chip and some peas squashed into both at the back of my fork.

I remember seeing the hearse pass by as I got in my car and waited for what I thought was the funeral procession of private cars pass me by but when I said 100 or 200 cars I think that was on the low side.

This was a big funeral. I saw it mentioned in the papers and the funeral guests exceeded 1000 people

Whereabouts are you? I’ve never heard of that rule before.

Not interrupting people.
In a group conversation it’s natural that people will sometimes accidentally talk over each other so I’m not expecting perfection but I regularly see people just completely cut someone off and continue talking, either oblivious or not unbothered. The best example is someone arrives late to the group, clearly hear you’re in the middle of speaking but announces their presence loudly with eg (“oh my god you won’t believe what happened on the way”) and then launches into a conversation.

Moving forward to let people queuing behind you get on. Every time I get on a bus/train/tram and there’s a queue, someone in front of me will get on and then stop dead at the doors, as if they think they are at the back of the queue. It enrages me. Everyone else has just moved up for you. How can you think it’s okay not to do the same? It’s especially annoying with the tram because sometimes the door starts closing and so I have to sort of jump on and shove them in so I can get on in time because there’s no time to stand there trying to get their attention with “excuse me.”

Respond to people who say something to you. I think it used to be seen as almost a funny British stereotype that we would apologise when someone else bumped into us and I remember lots of times at the supermarket doing the little stepping side to side to let the other person past dance. That’s really noticeably disappeared lately. Nobody seems to move to let people past, if I say “excuse me” or “sorry” lots of people just scowl at me or say nothing even though it wasn’t my fault.

The “oh sorry” “oops sorry love” ”not looking where I’m going” was almost an instinctual little social exchange that I’d see and do all the time but no longer.

I know it’s arguably silly to say sorry when something isn’t your fault but I liked it. It was a sort of social acknowledgement without needing actual small talk. It feels almost lonelier without it like nobody is really as present anymore.

Even in shops at the checkout, so often I’ll say hi and they’ll literally say nothing - not even tell me how much it costs and when I say thanks they don’t say it back. Often if you do directly ask them for help with something they will be perfectly nice and helpful but it’s like they no longer think it’s necessary for hellos and thank yous back and forth. I get that it’s a miserable minimum wage job - I did it for years - but it would have been seen as SO rude not to say hello to a customer, especially if they’d said it first that we really would have been in trouble.

I don’t think it’s necessarily that people aren’t as nice anymore. People did a lot of rude things back then too but I think it’s a change in social norms. Back then, to blank someone who directly spoke to you would have been really odd and seen as extremely rude.

What have I just read? 😲

Not so much these days, but it annoyed me when people would get on the bus, then start rummaging for their money. You knew the bus was coming, why not get your fare ready?