Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

I was raised in a household with pretty strict British table manners but now, as an adult, I really can't get on board with pointing my fork downwards at all times and squishing food onto the back of it. That's one social convention I'd happily see die out.

Err, you do? I suppose I do wait for everyone's glass to be filled, but I only wait for a toast or any sort of formal starting point if it's champagne.

I thought you were supposed to wait until there is a big enough gap that you can cross the zebra and then not be on it anymore. I do the same so that I’m not blocking a side road, so cars coming the other way can still turn into the side road without it being blocked. You wait before it, then when the gap is big enough, you drive over.

Ageee with washing before getting into a swimming pool. I usss to be a lifeguard and regularly used to see super sweaty people front the gym jump into the pool. They are the probably the same people who complain the the pool is too chloriney. If everyone washed before diving in, we wouldn’t have to use so much chlorine.

I say thank you when crossing a zebra crossing as it gives me that split second to make eye contact with the driver to make sure they have seen me and haven’t just stopped randomly in traffic and are looking at a shop window, a bird or whatever and haven’t noticed me at the crossing and will take their foot off the break and go forward automatically when they have lost interest in what they were looking at

No power dynamics involved. Just a safety check

But you shouldn't drive onto the crossing unless there's enough space on the other side for your vehicle - that's why PP said it should be treated the same as a yellow box, you don't drive into one of those unless the exit is clear in case you end up stuck in it. If you're in traffic you should hang back before driving onto the crossing, so that if the traffic comes to a stop you can leave the crossing clear.

I've never heard the one about waiting for the host to tell me when I can drink whatever they've poured for me - if they've put wine in my glass I'm going to start drinking it! I will often initiate a "cheers" and clinking glasses when round the table with a group, but I don't think it's poor etiquette if someone has had a sip from their glass first...

I thought it was something to do with the man being able to whip out his sword to defend his lady companion!

Actually if I pass a man on a pavement, it is usually him who goes on the kerb side. Maybe its deeply ingrained. Not a busy city street but normal smaller town.

Not talking in a theatre or cinema or faffing on your phone/turning a torch on to read a programme right in the middle of a performance. I went to the theatre recently and two older ladies behind me were on their phones all the way through the first half then weren't there for the second - not sure if they'd been asked to leave or misjudged what they'd come to see and were bored (it was Macbeth, hardly obscure!)

This ties in with being on speakerphone all the time, or having music playing out loud as you go out and about. People don't seem to care about affecting how other people experience or enjoy things at all any more.

HNRTF but basic please and thank you for many situations that just don't seem to happen!

My ex used to do this. Sadly he was an arsehole in pretty much every other way.

The concept is that the person who chose the wine tastes it to make sure its acceptable before the guest's glasses are filled. If the restaurant is following that ettiquette, there shouldn't be anything in the guest's glasses at that point because the waiter should not pour for the guests until the person who chose the wine accepts it. If all the glasses have been filled then, unless there are speeches and toasts, the is no reason for the guests not to drink. Most usually under this ettiquette, its the host who chooses the wine but they may defer to a guest either to honour the guest or because they are particularly knowledgeable about wine (or think they are)

“Don’t pass on the staircase because it’s dangerous” is a wholly different thing to suggesting that it causes some sort of generic “bad luck”. But in any event, it’s still not a social convention.

Don't wear pyjamas to the school run or supermarket. Pyjamas are only for in your own house

The current fashion for teenage girls to wear shorts that resemble knickers. I saw an absolutely gorgeous young woman in her high street yesterday wearing what appeared to be a crop top and knickers.

Eg: https://m.shein.co.uk/MUSERA-Multicolour-Knitted-Stripe-Fitted-Micro-Mini-Shorts-Cute-Sexy-Holiday-Spring-Summer-Festival-Cool-Girl-Vintage-p-507176165.html?attr_ids=&detailBusinessFrom=0-2%7C2-1&imgRatio=3-4&isAppointMall=&mallCode=1&pageListType=4&showFeedbackRec=1&src_identifier=store%253D1057946717&src_module=sidecat&src_tab_page_id=page_real_class1784293738302

Going out and about in PJs, unless you are toddler

Having said all that, I do think there are also plenty of things that have improved. When I was a teenager, I can always remember DM telling me what I could do to my legs to make it look like I had tights on when Iit was too hot to wear tights. I was very puzzled at the time - I just said I didn’t need to know because if it was too hot, I just wouldn’t wear tights and nobody would care.

The 'fill soup spoon away from you not towards you' thing was drilled in to me as a child as well (I'm in my 60s, and my mother had attended a private school in the 1940s) and is still ingrained. I've always assumed it was so that the filled spoon crossed the bowl on the way to you so that any drips fell into the bowl and not down one's front.

‘Gimmicky’?
The last funeral I went to, the widow asked us all to dress in bright colours as she knew her husband would have liked that.
Should I have told her it was gimmicky to do so?

Ah that is sad. I’m sorry your parents didn’t give you a better, loving example. Just shows what we think as normal, often isn’t.

We grew up in a house that opens people's post. I didn't know I wasn't meant to until my ex told me off for doing it....I never did it again after that.

This doesn't make sense to me at all. You can get down from a table (if you're on it). You can't get down from a duck because even a toddler would squash a duck if they tried sitting or standing on it.

The difference between can and may is, although you CAN do something, you MAY not (i.e. it's physically possible to do, but I will not allow you to do so).

ermmm the stuff they put in pillows and duvets?

There's a level crossing a couple of miles from where I live and I couldn't tell you how many times I've seen people stationary on it when there's a queue of traffic. It seems to be quite a common thing.

I've also had a driver behind me beeping at me because I haven't done the same, and once saw a car coming the other way shoot across the crossing just as the barriers started coming down.

And eiderdowns, which is how they got their name!

My late mother chose her own funeral arrangements. Bright clothes for all attenders. IMO "gimmicky" is an unpleasant and judgy thing to say

Today I learned! I had to watch a video to understand what you meant, I’ve never been taught this which is surprising as my mum was militant about elbows on the table, etc.

Mistakes happen. There's nothing you can do.
People are only annoyed at the people who intentionally pull into funeral possessions because they cba to wait