Social conventions you thought everyone knew

[Asuperblyfeauturedroomandexcellentboiledpotatoes]

The thread started by the lady who's father recently died and people turned up to his funeral in joggers got me thinking.
What is something you thought was basic social etiquette, a rule that everyone lived by, that you were shocked/surprised to see someone not following?
Did it make you judge the person? Wonder if maybe you're just old fashioned? Or something else?

I'll start. At work the other day someone said they were leaving early because they had a hospital appointment. A younger colleague said "oh, what for?". It felt very awkward and the colleague said "oh.. you know, just women's stuff".
I always thought that you never ever ask people for details of medical appointments or why they were off or what OP they are having. It's very rude. Same as you don't ask people how much they earn or who they are going to vote for or questions about their sex life or something!
At first I judged but then remembered she was young and maybe noone had told her.

What's surprised you lately?

The reasons that these things have become considered "manners" are far older than the age of the PP's grandparents. Of course most of us have been brought up with this etiquette, as everything filters socially downwards (except money). But insisting on using the back of a fork only when the food isn't designed to be eating like that, or insisting on holding a knife in your hand even if you don't actually need to use it for that dish, is completely pointless. It's only snobbery that stops people putting down the knife, or turning their fork over when more appropriate.

The idea that anything other than the 'old' ways is wrong is what's outdated and should be challenged.

"Oh, an autumn/winter/Christmas/spring/easter/summer baby, how lovely!"

Job done.

I tip my soup bowl to my right, towards my spoon. Maximum scoopage, minimum spillage.

Makes sense.

Growing up in Middlesex we did not do this as the driver was separated from the passengers in his cab.
Routemasters and RTs.
But we did acknowledge the conductor if he was on the platform.
With the arrival of OPO it was still not usual to thank the operator on exiting as the exit doors are in the middle of the bus.
I'm guessing in the provinces there is only one door at the front so having to pass the operator when exiting.?

Me neither.

I understand, but what about people whose hands have not been washed but you won’t even know. The dog handler’s hands might have actually been cleaner than some others.

Someone might have covered a sneeze with their hand. Or not washed them after using the lavatory. Or even just touched some handle.

Ah well maybe we really do need to spend billions upgrading all the level crossings to bridges etc then.

The beeping is a new thing - post covid. If someone is in a queue they start beeping even though the cars in front can't move - might be because there's a red light or on one occasion I was walking down a road and a lorry had got a bit stuck going round a tight corner. Nobody could go anywhere but the impatient drivers further back started beeping. I have no idea what they thought people behind the lorry could do until it had extricated itself!

And I am not parking on a level crossing because some crazy person wants to be a car-length further forward.

Honestly they walk (drive) among us.

Yes ‘was it planned’ questions never appropriate in my opinion.

Also negative comments on the gender of someone’s baby! As someone who had 2 boys first, it wasn’t unusual to have ‘oh that’s a shame/nevermind/maybe a girl next time eh/oh another boy you must be disappointed’ during my second pregnancy. I always make sure to be really positive when someone tells me they’re expecting another baby of the same gender.

On many motorways in Europe you are not supposed to change lanes around junctions and there are specific road markings to make that clear, so never assume that someone will pull over to let you out.

I think it’s the same point isn’t it - I would expect people would have the common sense to wash their hands before touching food but I have recently learnt that it is not common sense at all. Might be time to just avoid communal bowls of crisps tbh!

I do the same until the people are out of sight (like if the car is not visible from my house) and feel a bit offended when people close the door before I get to the end of the garden.

I’m 33, married, stable job, and a home owner. I have been asked twice if this my first pregnancy was planned. I find it appallingly rude!

I would also like to add commenting on pregnant women’s bodies - people seem to think it’s acceptable to comment on the presence of absence of a bump or say inane inane things like “you look pregnant now”, well yes, that’s because I’m almost half way through my pregnancy, what exactly did you think would happen?

Its like they have failed to get the message that commenting on people’s bodies isn’t acceptable anymore!

For it is if you are making a cup of tea you ask everyone else present if they would like a cup of tea! (Not at work nowadays as too busy.) But definitely in a private or social situation.

Yes Intotally agree here. I feel very rude to shut the door while someone is still on my drive / hasn’t disappeared from sight.

I feel very rude to shut the door while someone is still on my drive / hasn’t disappeared from sight.

As a departing guest, I might turn to give a final wave at the gate, so would hope the host was still watching!

That's only for the most formal occasuons nowadays.

People eating greasy smelly fast food on trains/tubes/buses. They sit their eating KFC or McDonalds and wiping their hands on the seat. They leave the trash there when they get off. So uncouth and so wrong on so many levels.

I wish all food was banned on public transport.

Travelling home on work last week (train) I watched a woman (looking really wasted) stuff herself with greasy smelly McD burgers (She crammed 3 in, one after the other) and then coughed and threw up all over the seats. After she threw up, she staggered off at the next stop and then re-boarded the train at the next carriage.

What we do in your own home is up to us and I would guess we all scoop peas.. I think it's worth knowing the conventional good manners for eating out in situations where they are important.

When I started uni there was no rooms left in halls so was thrown into a house share with girls I didn’t know. One girl always ate/chewed with her mouth open, very loudly. I was shocked, it was horrible! I must say, in my 53 years, I have never come across it with anyone else.

Theres common sense manners eg chewing with your mouth closed, not speaking with mouth full, not double dipping etc.. which all make the dining experience far more pleasant etc.

It’s the strange ‘rules’ that are based on old traditions that don’t really have a clear reason, and may make life more difficult (eg the peas thing) that seem pointless.

My friend (and former colleague) told our boss that she suffered an early miscarriage, which was the reason for her short absence. The first thing our boss asked was “Was it planned?”

She proceeded to tell my friend that her son’s partner was pregnant with twins.

How sensitive of her…

That's interesting- I find other countries customs more fascinating than our own.
I don't thank people at zebra crossings because they have to stop Nor do I expect people to thank me when I stop. I find it rude when people talk loudly on their phones in shops or public places where other people can easily overhear - particularly if it goes on ages.

It always amuses me how much people swear on these threads, while lecturing and moralising about good manners.

Same with rice. I can't be cooking unwashed rice.