to think the UK should have bidets

[LarkspurBlues]

Just that really. I far prefer the French habit of having a wash after having a no 2, much more civilised. The British way is actually unhygienic and gross.

Install a Closomat Wash and Dry Toilets for a Superior Hygienic Clean https://share.google/f7NHqVpTu9ZovgnRl

Aaaaargh.

This has to be a joke 😂😂

The poo flannel thing is utterly disgusting. I feel ill thinking about it.

Gosh this sounds eco friendly. So many excellent ideas on this thread.

I can't believe how many people on this site believe everything they read and can't tell humour, sarcasm or satire anymore. Even an obvious joke from a well known jokey poster is taken seriously. Sad times

Because poo can irritate your skin. But as you say, nobody is preparing food with their bottom so no need for it to be sterile. Reasonably clean is good enough.

That sounds utterly unhygienic.

OP, you can install a little shower head thing to your toilet at home. Or get a fancy wash and dry toilet.

Just go to the loo first thing before your morning bath or shower. If you aren't doing this then your digestive system isn't working well.

We got rid of the bidets installed in our bathrooms. Not sure anyone ever washed anything but their feet in them.

I jump in the shower after my first thing in the morning poo. If your bowels are healthy, there should be little to nothing to wipe anyway.

Ive got a wash dry toilet which i love. Its only since having it that I realise just how bad simply dry wiping is.
When you dont know any different, you dont see it.

You can get ones that connect to both hot and cold supply (with a thermostat so it gets to warm then doesn't get any hotter). I have one and it's great, in summer I just use it as it comes, in winter I run the water into the sink until it comes through warm.

Apologies for not memorising joke posters. It certainly doesn’t mean I believe everything I read or don’t suspect sometimes that a poster isn’t totally serious. I can still reply however I want though 🤷‍♀️

98% sure that’s a joke.

I hope.

Thats disgusting. Our rag is on the end of a stick. Much more hygienic.

Never said you can't did I, otherwise I'd have quoted you in my response. You're even one of the ones that pointed out it can't be true, so I've got no idea why you think it was aimed at you

This is the answer - in Japan they have Toto "shower toilets" almost everywhere and very nice they are too. You can get them in the UK (££££) as well as any number of cheaper knock-offs (£££). Bear in mind they need to be plumbed in and will need mains power too (which is fun in a bathroom).

Toto also make a handheld travel bidet, the same type of nozzle and it runs from a single AA battery (££). They sell them on Amazon, search for YEW350-WH and you'll find them. I've had one of those for 18 months and can't recommend it enough - going back to just paper feels barbaric in comparison!

You can get cheaper ones too, and the cheapest are squeezy rubber bottles like the HappyPo.

We have bum showers in Finland but the water supply comes from the sink pipe and is controlled by the sink mixer tap so always perfectly warm water. Love them and so glad I'll be able to use one when I'm doing my colonoscopy prep next week instead of wiping myself raw!

Very simple. A hose next to the loo. I have one downstairs and one upstairs. Easy to install.

Where do you slot your spatula when you’re not using it then?

I’ve got one and have always had them put in to bathrooms after years of UTIs. Marvellous things. Bucket and flannel sounds a bit unhygienic

Touchy touchy 😅 my sister used to sound like that as a teen ‘never said that did iiiiiii’

I really want one, especially following bariatric surgery, I need one!

I’d love a bum gun shower thing like they have in the Middle East.

Yuck. Do you all share the flannel?

Wipes and a sanitary type bag to go in the outside bin?

Minging bucket and flannel. Do you boil wash them? I know wipes in the toilet are an environmental catastrophe, but boil washing a flannel every time you have a poo is terrible too (two? Boom boom 🙄)

Are trying to rival the penis beaker?